Feel Like Im Part Of A Schedule

Me and my girlfriend have been going out at Uni for a couple of months now and we're still at that can't get enough of each other stage and sleep together most nights. However recently she's become really busy having long uni hours anyway , on top of that she has comitments to a uni thing which means she has to go out on mondays and wednesdays. This week she had to go out on the monday, had her friend up on the tuesday, went out on the wednesday, went out for her friends birthday, and is having another friend up today and tommorow, (and going out with her). Also all i get to see of her is when she comes in my room at like 3 o clock at night (waking me up might i add) because i feel guilty if i dont let her come round, plus the fact i like sleeping with her at night, and then after that fleeting glimpse, I wake up and she's gone again off for another day. To add to this I don't have an awful lot of uni hours and am not a complete party animal ( I went out twice this week). Also the next 5 weekends she's got people up or is going to a different city. Im finding it quite hard. Am I being unreasonable/what shall i do?

Reply 1

Helenia

20

You're not being entirely unreasonable, but you have to realise that while you may be in a relationship, both of you still have schedules and agendas of your own. You can't stop her from going out to her various commitments, but you can voice your concerns that you're only seeing her in bed. Or take the initiative and arrange some nights out for you guys (preferably not clashing with her other commitments as that'll just cause arguments).

If you don't want her to come round late at night, tell her you need your sleep or whatever. If you like it, but want to see her more when you're awake, tell her!

Reply 2

Jonquil

10

Just tell her that you miss her and you wish you could have some time together. Don't worry, she'll understand, and probably be flattered.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

hey, i was experiencing something similar. last term i was seeing my bf pretty much everyday/every other day. i told him that i was feeling a bit let down all the time, and that i missed spending time with him. he took it well and now he sees me nearly everyday since i told him 5 weeks ago. this week, i haven't seen him much but he text me this morning telling me how bad he felt about it and that he was sorry.
just tell her how you feel about not seeing her.

Reply 4

ForeverIsMyName

15

Anonymous

Me and my girlfriend have been going out at Uni for a couple of months now and we're still at that can't get enough of each other stage and sleep together most nights. However recently she's become really busy having long uni hours anyway , on top of that she has comitments to a uni thing which means she has to go out on mondays and wednesdays. This week she had to go out on the monday, had her friend up on the tuesday, went out on the wednesday, went out for her friends birthday, and is having another friend up today and tommorow, (and going out with her). Also all i get to see of her is when she comes in my room at like 3 o clock at night (waking me up might i add) because i feel guilty if i dont let her come round, plus the fact i like sleeping with her at night, and then after that fleeting glimpse, I wake up and she's gone again off for another day. To add to this I don't have an awful lot of uni hours and am not a complete party animal ( I went out twice this week). Also the next 5 weekends she's got people up or is going to a different city. Im finding it quite hard. Am I being unreasonable/what shall i do?

Yes, you're being completely unreasonable. So you don't get to see her for a week? Big ****ing deal. Do some work, go out with your friends rather than spend all the time with your girlfriend, but don't blame her for being busy and wanting to spend time in different cities with different people and just face some facts; you're not her entire life and world. She has other things to think about.

Try being independent.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Im aware that im not the only thing she has to focus on, but I don't know it feels like she's just fitting me in /(or not) at the moment and what makes it worse is she recognises this and is always texting me or phoning me saying she's not seen me all day or she misses me, and Im not the one who can do anything about it.

Reply 6

Bubblebee

15

Anonymous

Im aware that im not the only thing she has to focus on, but I don't know it feels like she's just fitting me in /(or not) at the moment and what makes it worse is she recognises this and is always texting me or phoning me saying she's not seen me all day or she misses me, and Im not the one who can do anything about it.

Would you rather have her give up her friends for you and resent you for it! Trust I have been on both sides of this sort of thing..the friend who has been ditched for a boyfriend and the girlfriend who isn't allowed to see her mates and it isnt nice.

Or perhaps you would like her to give up her extra curicular, or spend less time at uni?

You sound like a moaning ****** tbh!

Reply 7

Ywiss

15

ForeverIsMyName

Yes, you're being completely unreasonable. So you don't get to see her for a week? Big ****ing deal. Do some work, go out with your friends rather than spend all the time with your girlfriend, but don't blame her for being busy and wanting to spend time in different cities with different people and just face some facts; you're not her entire life and world. She has other things to think about.

Try being independent.

He's not seeing her for the next five weekends. He hardly sees her during the week. What's the point of having a girlfriend if you never see her?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

thankyou, perhaps i am being a bit petty, but it's so frustrating never seeing her. Whats the point of her being with me if she's not got any time to give me?

Reply 9

Apagg

13

I see my girlfriend maybe once a month during term time, consider yourself lucky

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Were you in a long term relationship beforehand and now you've both gone to university? Im not, im in the relatively early stages of mine, we're both at uni and never agreed nor prepared for not seeing each other. Its fine if you can deal with once a month, I can't.

Reply 11

Apagg

13

Even when we started going out I didn't expect to see her on a daily basis. Have you never been in a relationship before?

Reply 12

Sarky

18

If you've been together everyday up to this point and now its gone down to virtually nothing, then yes it may feel strange. But you need to find other things to fill your time, just like what your girlfriend is doing. Me and my boyfriend speak on the phone everday, we see each other maybe once a month. But if one of us is busy that day, we may not talk at all. That's just life unfortunately. This time last year i wouldn't have been able to deal with not talking to him for one day! It can become very suffocating.

Reply 13

IzzyWizzy

10

I think you're being hard on the guy. Yes, the girl should be able to have a life outside the relationship, see her friends, etc, but to me being in a relationship means a certain amount of compromise. Like someone has already said, what's the point of being in a relationship if you never see the other person? It's not the same as being long distance; he said it's still the early stages of the relationship and his girlfriend would rather see friends for the next FIVE weekends. Fair enough if she's busy in the week, but you have to make some effort. It sounds like she's putting everything else ahead of the boyfriend which isn't really right, IMO. Seems like she's having her cake and eating it - she likes having a boyfriend but isn't prepared to give up any time or put herself out in any way to see him. I definitely wouldn't be too happy if my boyfriend of 2 months would rather see his mates than me, and I can't help wondering if the OP had been a girl complaining about a guy, would the replies have been a lot more sympathetic?

Reply 14

ForeverIsMyName

15

Ywiss

He's not seeing her for the next five weekends. He hardly sees her during the week. What's the point of having a girlfriend if you never see her?

Wrong. He didn't see her for one week, not in the week generally.

Feel Like Im Part Of A Schedule

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