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I base my self-worth on how many men stare at me :( watch

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    this is a serious question and I really need help. i'm 20 and I was raised by a single mother as my father passed away. The problem I have is that when i'm in public, I always try and catch the eyes of men and see if they're checking me out. if they do, I feel happy and if they dont and are checking out the other female im with, i feel so upset and just unattractive (which is bad since ive been told im pretty). I hate it when people (strangers) ignore me in public and I always want to be admired and complimented (from my family too). Nobody knows about this and its eating away at me inside. I just wish I was very confident and didn't 'crave' this attention and compliments. I cant even enjoy myself when im with others because i constantly think of whether they think im beautiful or not. is this even normal? Id really appreciate it of someone helped me
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    This is why we need meninism
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    (Original post by Meninism)
    This is why we need meninism
    serious answers please. desperately need assistance and advice
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    I mean its normal to want to be percieved as someone who looks good, but if its where you expect and want people to look and take notice at you even when you're surrounded by strangers then maybe it is a problem. I used to be like that, but it became too much of an effort so I just stopped doing this altogether and just trusted in myself that I looked decent enough/people are too preoccupied with their own situations to think anything bad about me, and I haven't felt so bad since
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    (Original post by Jeniecechantelle)
    I mean its normal to want to be percieved as someone who looks good, but if its where you expect and want people to look and take notice at you even when you're surrounded by strangers then maybe it is a problem. I used to be like that, but it became too much of an effort so I just stopped doing this altogether and just trusted in myself that I looked decent enough/people are too preoccupied with their own situations to think anything bad about me, and I haven't felt so bad since
    thanks
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    You've got to learn about this mystical thing of not giving a **** you'll be a lot happier


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    nobody?
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    it kinda depends on your social group, and what they perceive to be successful. This is because the society that your life revolves around, the people that you live around or the media that you engage in have this kind of attitude.
    I used to be really fussed about how I look but when I changed schools to a more academic single-sex school all of a sudden the emphasis was on grades and I just kind of stopped caring about how I looked
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    (Original post by netflixJunkie20)
    this is a serious question and I really need help. i'm 20 and I was raised by a single mother as my father passed away. The problem I have is that when i'm in public, I always try and catch the eyes of men and see if they're checking me out. if they do, I feel happy and if they dont and are checking out the other female im with, i feel so upset and just unattractive (which is bad since ive been told im pretty). I hate it when people (strangers) ignore me in public and I always want to be admired and complimented (from my family too). Nobody knows about this and its eating away at me inside. I just wish I was very confident and didn't 'crave' this attention and compliments. I cant even enjoy myself when im with others because i constantly think of whether they think im beautiful or not. is this even normal? Id really appreciate it of someone helped me
    i do that, not as extreme though some people care about how they look, just believe in yourself not everyone can like you
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    send nudes i will keep an eye on them for sure
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    (Original post by Cornflakes1688)
    i do that, not as extreme though some people care about how they look, just believe in yourself not everyone can like you
    u do what?
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    Honestly when you stop caring about what others think, that's when all these problems fade away!
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    If you mean you Base your attractiveness based on amount of glances we get from the opposite gender then I think we all do to a degree.

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    (Original post by netflixJunkie20)
    u do what?
    look to see if random guys are looking at me & base my self worth on it?..
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    It really sounds like you should go talk to a counselor / psychologist about your low self-confidence / narcissistic feelings. They will be able to put things into perspective for you and help you sort your thoughts out.

    That being said, this is possibly one of the most common things that people do. It just looks like you do it to an extreme level if you can't even have a conversation without trying to make people lustful.
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    cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - worked for me by addressing low self-esteem and lack of confidence issues
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    Everyone has insecurities not every one will find you outstandingly attractive that is the same for every single woman in the world, everyone has there own personal perception of beauty just like you and I. You need to try and think of something else when you're out and about and never focus on the negativity! Try talking to your friends and listening to them whilst waking and when you want to pay attention to see if people are looking try and engross yourself in your conversation and take your mind off it and it will no longer become a force of habit. Everyone in their life may experience what you are don't worry life is way too short, you are perfect the way you are and should never need to adjust yourself to others' preferences as it is impossible to be everyone's standard of beauty; perfection is impossible. One day you will meet someone who will find you perfect the way you are just please stay happy, there are so many worse things in the world to be worried about. Appreciate what you have, 😊
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    You are hilariously shallow.
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    That's fine to a certain point but you seem to have taken it too far. I'd look into therapy if I were you as it doesn't seem very good for your mental health.
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    (Original post by Medapplicant345)
    Everyone has insecurities not every one will find you outstandingly attractive that is the same for every single woman in the world, everyone has there own personal perception of beauty just like you and I. You need to try and think of something else when you're out and about and never focus on the negativity! Try talking to your friends and listening to them whilst waking and when you want to pay attention to see if people are looking try and engross yourself in your conversation and take your mind off it and it will no longer become a force of habit. Everyone in their life may experience what you are don't worry life is way too short, you are perfect the way you are and should never need to adjust yourself to others' preferences as it is impossible to be everyone's standard of beauty; perfection is impossible. One day you will meet someone who will find you perfect the way you are just please stay happy, there are so many worse things in the world to be worried about. Appreciate what you have, 😊
    thank you so much. what if im not with someone in public and by myself? how do i not feel these feelings then?
 
 
 
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