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Awkward phone calls, relationships watch

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    Me and my boyfriend call every night, and just to avoid any potential awkwardness, I make a list of 5-6 topics and just talk about those. I initiate pretty much every question, and keep the conversation flowing, he simply answers.

    Today, I decided not to 'plan' topics ahead of our call, and thought I'd let him make the effort, which resulted in hardly any talking at all, just like an hour of silence. I'm not really sure what to do. It just feels like a big effort when we call and he doesn't try, yet suggests we call.
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    Based on what you said, it doesn't seem like it's working out. Unless he does other things to make you happy then you might want to consider breaking it off if you are not happy. To keep a long term relationship you both need to put in effort.

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    2 things.

    1. that is way too much communication LOL

    2. Not being able to have a flowing conversation is a very bad sign... imagine 30 years down the line..

    My advice if you are looking for any would be to actively seek someone you better connect with.
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    I hope the hour of silence on the phone is just a slight exaggeration on your part. There usually is a power dynamic in relationships one partner may have more to say then the other at points but I don't think it should ever be heavily one sided especially continuously for me it could be a sign that there is no real connection between you two.

    Unless your boyfriend actually does well during face to face conversations and is just bad on the phone, could be a possibility feel free to let me know. The fact that you have to make a list for the conversations is also a bit much maybe it just shows that you care more about the relationship and care about being in one then he does and so once again you are left with a sign that you two perhaps are not a great match.

    If at the end of your thoughts you still feel he is the guy for you maybe have the courage to talk to him about why he has barely anything to say, sometimes honesty is the best route. Relationships are all about communication at the end of the day.
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    (Original post by Lyuz)
    Based on what you said, it doesn't seem like it's working out. Unless he does other things to make you happy then you might want to consider breaking it off if you are not happy. To keep a long term relationship you both need to put in effort.

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    He is actually more talkative and affectionate over text, yet he says he likes calling more as we can hear each others voices as opposed to texting. When we call, unless I think of everything to say, all the topics, questions etc.. it's just silence. No affection, nothing. Calling shouldn't feel like a chore which is what it's becoming like.
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    (Original post by iAmanze)
    2 things.

    1. that is way too much communication LOL

    2. Not being able to have a flowing conversation is a very bad sign... imagine 30 years down the line..

    My advice if you are looking for any would be to actively seek someone you better connect with.
    Damn, that's really bad news. We've only been dating for a few weeks. We have a long distance relationship so we don't get to see each other very often, so that makes our phone calls and text messages that much more important. I wouldn't call him this often, but he likes it and is used to it, he feels sad if we can't call for whatever reason.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    I hope the hour of silence on the phone is just a slight exaggeration on your part. There usually is a power dynamic in relationships one partner may have more to say then the other at points but I don't think it should ever be heavily one sided especially continuously for me it could be a sign that there is no real connection between you two.

    Unless your boyfriend actually does well during face to face conversations and is just bad on the phone, could be a possibility feel free to let me know. The fact that you have to make a list for the conversations is also a bit much maybe it just shows that you care more about the relationship and care about being in one then he does and so once again you are left with a sign that you two perhaps are not a great match.

    If at the end of your thoughts you still feel he is the guy for you maybe have the courage to talk to him about why he has barely anything to say, sometimes honesty is the best route. Relationships are all about communication at the end of the day.
    I honestly don't have much to say to him myself during the calls, but I think of random things to ask him about, and I struggle to think of new topics to talk about everyday with him without sounding repetitive, and like I said, phone calls should feel effortless, and this requires effort. Today, I simply TESTED whether it was me putting all the work into the calls, by not planning any possible topics, and just waiting for him to think of things to say to me - absolute silence for nearly 2 hours now, which is new.

    He is telling me everyday how much he loves me, can't bare to lose me, how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him etc over text, but over call the conversations lack substance or affection, it's just playful teasing mostly, then it's over. Actually, even over text we're running out of things to say.
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    lol dreadful relationship. give it up
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I honestly don't have much to say to him myself during the calls, but I think of random things to ask him about, and I struggle to think of new topics to talk about everyday with him without sounding repetitive, and like I said, phone calls should feel effortless, and this requires effort. Today, I simply TESTED whether it was me putting all the work into the calls, by not planning any possible topics, and just waiting for him to think of things to say to me - absolute silence for nearly 2 hours now, which is new.

    He is telling me everyday how much he loves me, can't bare to lose me, how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him etc over text, but over call the conversations lack substance or affection, it's just playful teasing mostly, then it's over. Actually, even over text we're running out of things to say.
    The only thing I can say to this is perhaps it's simply very early on in the relationship and you may just have to give it time for something more to grow between you two. However, of course I could be wrong and you two could have been together for months and it's like this, in which case perhaps you just have to read the negatives signs as they are and come to a decision.

    Or maybe stop the texting and phone calls for a bit and maybe the affection between you two may get stronger. You have stated you are doing all the work , stop doing all the work , don't call him as much see what he does of his own free will. You don't have to call him and test him this is not what a relationship is about that sort of thing could be seen by some as a bit manipulative. Just leave him be and see if he makes an effort and if you are not happy end it between you two. No point with the back and forth and playing games because you will just drag yourself down emotionally.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    The only thing I can say to this is perhaps it's simply very early on in the relationship and you may just have to give it time for something more to grow between you two. However, of course I could be wrong and you two could have been together for months and it's like this, in which case perhaps you just have to read the negatives signs as they are and come to a decision.

    Or maybe stop the texting and phone calls for a bit and maybe the affection between you two may get stronger. You have stated you are doing all the work , stop doing all the work , don't call him as much see what he does of his own free will. You don't have to call him and test him this is not what a relationship is about that sort of thing could be seen by some as a bit manipulative. Just leave him be and see if he makes an effort and if you are not happy end it between you two. No point with the back and forth and playing games because you will just drag yourself down emotionally.
    Before we got into a relationship, we had been friends for about one and a half years. Also, in the past, I've actually not messaged him at all for 2 days due to being busy, and it created a MASSIVE distance between us, it's hard to explain but emotionally, I just felt single, he even mentioned how we had become very distant (and that's just by not talking for almost 2 days). The thing is, today HE initiated the call, yet he had absolutely nothing to say, I think maybe he was just relying on me, that I'd take control of the whole conversation, as I have to every single day or it just dies.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I honestly don't have much to say to him myself during the calls, but I think of random things to ask him about, and I struggle to think of new topics to talk about everyday with him without sounding repetitive, and like I said, phone calls should feel effortless, and this requires effort. Today, I simply TESTED whether it was me putting all the work into the calls, by not planning any possible topics, and just waiting for him to think of things to say to me - absolute silence for nearly 2 hours now, which is new.

    He is telling me everyday how much he loves me, can't bare to lose me, how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him etc over text, but over call the conversations lack substance or affection, it's just playful teasing mostly, then it's over. Actually, even over text we're running out of things to say.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is actually more talkative and affectionate over text, yet he says he likes calling more as we can hear each others voices as opposed to texting. When we call, unless I think of everything to say, all the topics, questions etc.. it's just silence. No affection, nothing. Calling shouldn't feel like a chore which is what it's becoming like.
    Just tell him how you feel, he's your boyfriend and you should trust him to be considerate and he should still love you no matter what. He might not communicate verbally to you but you are also not verbally communicating your feelings and concerns to him. You should not have to test him because that feels deceptive and could even upset him should he find out.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before we got into a relationship, we had been friends for about one and a half years. Also, in the past, I've actually not messaged him at all for 2 days due to being busy, and it created a MASSIVE distance between us, it's hard to explain but emotionally, I just felt single, he even mentioned how we had become very distant (and that's just by not talking for almost 2 days). The thing is, today HE initiated the call, yet he had absolutely nothing to say, I think maybe he was just relying on me, that I'd take control of the whole conversation, as I have to every single day or it just dies.
    Well I understand very well that there is a power dynamic in relationships sometimes it's almost equal other times one partner may be stronger then the other. I am not talking wealth power here simply relationship communication dynamics.

    It's fine if one partner perhaps in the early stages or even throughout a whole relationship maybe simply because of who they are and life experience initiate more, it's just natural. At the same time though I could understand if that stronger partner got frustrated with the lack of response they got from the less responsive partner. I don't think though that going two days without speaking should make both or any partner feel the relationship has ended though. I think really this suggests that the relationship really is finished because to even utter the words means at least one or both of you have been contemplating either ending your relationship or questioning if there is really any strength in the relationship.

    I think at some point if you really do wish to know if this relationship will last you really will simply have to ask him either ' do you still want to be with me?' Or ' where are we going together? ' or you could end it yourself. I must admit that to me this relationship already sounds over , there is no energy in it whatsoever from what I have read and you don't truly sound happy with it yet at the same time I think you are forcing it to last longer then it should have.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    Well I understand very well that there is a power dynamic in relationships sometimes it's almost equal other times one partner may be stronger then the other. I am not talking wealth power here simply relationship communication dynamics.

    It's fine if one partner perhaps in the early stages or even throughout a whole relationship maybe simply because of who they are and life experience initiate more, it's just natural. At the same time though I could understand if that stronger partner got frustrated with the lack of response they got from the less responsive partner. I don't think though that going two days without speaking should make both or any partner feel the relationship has ended though. I think really this suggests that the relationship really is finished because to even utter the words means at least one or both of you have been contemplating either ending your relationship or questioning if there is really any strength in the relationship.

    I think at some point if you really do wish to know if this relationship will last you really will simply have to ask him either ' do you still want to be with me?' Or ' where are we going together? ' or you could end it yourself. I must admit that to me this relationship already sounds over , there is no energy in it whatsoever from what I have read and you don't truly sound happy with it yet at the same time I think you are forcing it to last longer then it should have.
    The thing is, this is my first boyfriend and he has had other girlfriends before. I'm just getting to grips with being a girlfriend, but he knows how to be a boyfriend if that makes sense, so in fact, HE has more life experience than me, yet I'm the one having to take control here.

    I can tell he loves me to pieces from the things he says to me over text, and I know he depends on me a lot, he wanted us to be in a relationship for well over a year but I didn't really reciprocate his feelings until a few weeks ago really, when I saw how much he loved me. He's always telling me how wonderful I am and how lucky he feels to have me, I've never really met a guy who loves me as much as he does and that's why I don't want to give up on him yet.
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    My partner was very quiet, I would be the one initiating and driving most if not all conversation. That's only a problem if, like you say, it feels more like a chore than having fun communicating with someone you enjoy. I wouldn't have to prepare or worry about topics, there would naturally be many things I wanted to share with him because he ignited me in general.

    What you're describing doesn't sound right. It's not necessarily his quietness, quiet people can still be perfect company. It just sounds like maybe you aren't suited to each other. You should be looking forward to talking, especially this early on.

    Or maybe he is nervous, you can sense it and awareness is making interaction strained rather than natural/fun? What attracted you to him in the first place (as a friend), was there a time when your conversations were exciting and interesting? This sounds dumb, but maybe pretend to yourself and act like he's not nervous/quiet, until he starts to be more comfortable? My partner was frightened and awkward almost to the point of silence initially. I noticed awkward moments, but I actively pretended I didn't and kept talking until he was eventually completely at ease with me. I could tell how well we suited each other as people, so it was more than worth it and felt easy for me to do.

    Don't know if any of this applies to you, good luck anyway.

    Edit: He'd also had girlfriends before and was my first 'real' boyfriend in a sense. He'd just always followed their lead because that's his personality.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, this is my first boyfriend and he has had other girlfriends before. I'm just getting to grips with being a girlfriend, but he knows how to be a boyfriend if that makes sense, so in fact, HE has more life experience than me, yet I'm the one having to take control here.

    I can tell he loves me to pieces from the things he says to me over text, and I know he depends on me a lot, he wanted us to be in a relationship for well over a year but I didn't really reciprocate his feelings until a few weeks ago really, when I saw how much he loved me. He's always telling me how wonderful I am and how lucky he feels to have me, I've never really met a guy who loves me as much as he does and that's why I don't want to give up on him yet.
    Well maybe what you are saying it's true maybe it's not, just sounds a bit like you have gone on defence mode for him and suddenly from non communicating, non caring boyfriend he has now once again become a great boyfriend. Just because he is your first boyfriend does not mean you put up with him being lazy about affection. Right now I am confused because you have totally flipped his personality.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    Well maybe what you are saying it's true maybe it's not, just sounds a bit like you have gone on defence mode for him and suddenly from non communicating, non caring boyfriend he has now once again become a great boyfriend. Just because he is your first boyfriend does not mean you put up with him being lazy about affection. Right now I am confused because you have totally flipped his personality.
    What I mean is, over text he is quite affectionate and loving, however, we don't really talk in depth about anything, it's usually just small talk, ending with him telling me he loves me etc. Over the phone, it's like talking to a different person, there is no affection, and a lot of awkward silence (unless I start asking him questions etc), at one point, he seemed disinterested, to the point where I felt when I was talking, I was just annoying him, yet he insists we call daily so I don't know. We've been calling everyday for quite a few weeks now, and we don't even text very often anymore. This relationship is only like 3 weeks old.
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    This shouldn't happen. Its always okay to have awkward silences in person or phone or whatever because you don't always have something to say but just want to enjoy someone's company. But the fact you have to actively seek up topics to talk about means you're putting more effort into this relationship then he is and this is about the both of you. Perhaps ask him if he is shy and tell him how you feel, communication really is key

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    I had an awkward phone call once from this black African American guy called Tyrone saying he slept with my girl, it was very strange.
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    There's a couple of things to consider with this.

    1. When he is on the phone, does he give you his undivided attention, or is he paying PS3 during the call?
    2. Is he a quiet or private person? There's a guy I used to talk to,and he was naturally a private person, he asked me questions and we talked,but hated talking about himself,which meant that a lot of the conversation was one sided.
    3. Do you have things in common with him? Like,what topics of conversation could he talk about all day?
    4. Have u hinted to him that you want to talk more, like say to him "my day was good,thanks for asking .."

    Hope this helps!
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    It is somewhat odd that you feel the need to make a list of conversation topics prior to calls, however, I don't think his lack of conversation skills is something to worry about. Some people just naturally dislike talking on the phone; if you have no trouble conversing with him directly, or even text/email, it really shouldn't be a hindrance to the relationship.
 
 
 
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