First just friends...then became friends with benefits...& now..

Well this is going to be a bit long n I thank anyone who reads all of it in advance... :smile:

Basically i got to know this guy about a year ago...we became good friends so to say...but because we lived a bit far away from each other didnt meet up a lot....n then i moved even further away for uni...so we kept in touch on msn n the phone....things were goin well he came to visit while i was at uni...and things happened....we were both ok with it n wanted it to happen(had sex basically)....

Our friendship was still good n he'd come n see me from time 2 time n it would get physical....well things were great we'd have loads of fun everytime he came to visit....we'd always either be texing each other or on msn or on the phone to each other....n i was happy with how they were n he was to...n then one day after chatting wit him all night i said i loved him..(partly coz he kinda said u dont eva say u love me coz i said i loved this guy who was on tv n we were both watching the same channel) not the point anyways...n dat was it i did say it a couple of times after that....sometime down the line i asked him how he felt n he said he loved me but as a friend...n i was cool with that n things carried on fine...he is seriously really nice n a good person....n its just cause he has been through a lot with relationships in general with family n girls that he is just not in the right place to consider being in one now...n i fully understyand cause i was like that once...

we'd still see each other like he'd come over n stuff...things were fine for awhile...n then we had a falling out over some stupid texts(i was beign rude but it was a joke from my side he didnt get it)...but we made up n now we'r buddies again n its all good....he jus sends a lot of mixed signals...n its hopeless trying to figure out whats on his mind... :rolleyes:

the last time he came to see me was a couple of weeks ago...n i just decided i couldn't carry on with the physical part of things....n i just told him this the day after he left...n he said he was thinking about it too n that he didnt wanna say something cause it wuold look like he used me n stuff...n said that he wants to be friends no matter what if i still want that...i said yes n we've been ok since then...i think its even better like this we r more relaxed n we get on great as pals... :smile:

but since then we've been talking every night n he opened up even more than he did before n told me things that were personal...we used to talk all the time before n it never got that deep...i told him things too.. :redface:

basically im just wondering if our friendship will work ( as far as im concerned i can deal with my feelings for him..) but im jus wondering if it'd be weird if i got with someone else n told him about it...i wouldn't mind if i did but i dont know if its da same with him cause he never says what n how he feels...n is it normal for us to talk everynight before bed....im not saying i mind but he always does call....its like if im doing something else for instance he'll text something like we'r not gonna chat tonight then.... :confused:

what do you guys think..??thanks for reading all that if u did u r ACE!!! :tsr2:

Reply 1

Yezi

That sounds like a very nice friendship, that fact that he calls you every night to talk.

Not sure about the physical stuff thing...why would he do that and then say he only loves you as a "friend"? im sorry but that is a bit dodgy.

Er... i dont know, your friendship MIGHT work if you had a very long talk about exact how both of you feel about each other and then try to deal with it and move on. otherwise it would just drag on and on and turn even more complicated and confusing in the future

anyway, im not the best person to give advices and i dont think ive even answered your question but just remember: everything always work out in its own little unique way in the end :smile:

Reply 2

Yoda

If you get back to shagging, he'll be clingy again n phone you every day n text you lots n chat on MSN. Though it sounds like you're into that. If you don't shag him, he'll just be friends like before. Simple.

Reply 3

ShinyApple

Purely as a friendship no it won't work. Its gone way too far and people who have gone past certain stages cannot go back to being just friends. One or other side will end up wanting each other. Addtionally it causes havoc to any future relationship with another person, that is serious havoc, serious not worth the bother havoc.

If you want a relationship then try and sort something out because it seems obvious that the seeds are there. If not, leave it well behind and move on.

Reply 4

Nix!

You're at university and you still use 'dat'?

For future reference, please... spelling and grammar! It makes your post so much easier to read.

Friendship? It's hard to say, you're just going to have to go with it. The way I see it is that you've sailed too close to the wind and are/were practically in a relationship.

Friends with benefits? There is no such thing. **** buddies do not work for the very reason that feelings always get involved.

Reply 5

L0RA

It depends, on one hand its nice that he phones every night but on the other i'd feel like he was taking over my life. I got into a similar thing with a guy, we were just friends then it went further and then we started talking ALL the time like it sounds you are.

One week it was my friends birthday and i was going out a couple of times for it as well as other things which i meant i wouldnt be around in the evenings. He couldnt cope with that and i felt like he was controlling me.

My flatmates hated him before they knew him because i was always on the phone to him. Thinking back now he ruined my first few weeks at uni because even though it was nice to have someone there to talk to it all got too much and i didnt have hardly any time to do other things.

Sorry about the huge reply but basically i just wanted to say that you shouldnt do anything that you'll regret in the future..

Good luck.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thanks a lot guys for your replies, from what most of you think it sounds like our friendship might not work..

But i dont wanna loose him as a pal...n i dont wanna hurt him in anyway what so ever....it seems like im the one that always says something about how things are & he is just not very open about his feelings at all...which sucks big time but i reckon i shouldn't just give up on our friendship cause of that reason alone...

On the other hand it could be that he is thinking what im thinking but just cant get himself to say it so i might be doing us both a huge favor by getting everything out in the open....but as usual its easier said then done.... :rolleyes:

Reply 7

xxsarahjwxx

Get it out in the open. Next time you see each other (so not over msn/phone), discuss the situation, tell him what you're thinking, ask him how he feels and go from there. Don't hold back, just let it all out.
Meanwhile, on msn/phone, get to know him even more, get him to open up so that it comes more naturally and he gets used to being open.
good luck, don't give up on your friendship, it sounds to me like it will be more than that one day... :smile:

man i love love lol!

Reply 8

Chumbaniya

Too many "n"s. Can't read!

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Thanks a lot to those of you who gave useful replies...things with him now are just getting harder as the days go by(for me at least) cause as usual i have no idea how he feels....id rather just end it now really but i cant do that to him...its just annoying now trying so hard all the time.... :frown:

Hope it comes to an end sooner then later i think that it would make my life much easier(again dont know about him) though i really cant be doing this anymore.... :redface:

U guys have any suggestion as to how i could break things off...just ideas not that im gonna be able to do it....or perhaps i might one day.... :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Nix!