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GRR what is wrong with him????

Me and my bf have been together for just over a month - in the 1st week he was so nice and called/text constantly, paid me loads of attention and told me how much he missed me all of the time, 2nd week he said he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship and because of being cheated on in the past wasn't sure if he was ready and didn't want to do any *stuff* with me to see if he really liked me so i gave him time and space and a week later he decided he did want to go out with me and all was ok for a few days and he told me he had 'got his mojo' back and wanted sex again.
Went to his house yesterday and he asked if we could have sex and i said no because it's only been a month and i wasn't ready(he said he would wait until i'm ready) but we kissed loads and other stuff and then after he was really off with me, wouldn't talk and insisted on us playing xbox for aaaages in silence.
Today he told me he was glad we didn't have sex and should wait a few months if not leave it forever as according to him it 'mucks stuff up as people feel different ways' and then he hardly spoke and said that he was busy and would speak to me later so i asked him if stuff between us was fine and he said yes.
So confused.... it's really weird he keeps changing his mind about everything and it's upsetting me that he's doing this as i don't know where i stand and when i ask if we're ok he says we're fine and he's just busy with schoolwork so he doesn't have the time to think about when we can next meet up :frown:

Please help me..... :confused:

Thanks if you've read all of this....

Reply 1

Carpediemxx

17

He is very insecure i think. When a guy asks for something that they want, and the girl says no, often a guy will say " ok thats no problem (wait until ur ready)" or whatever, but inside its really annoying, even if u dont want it to be. Similar with me to be honest, i may really want to say " its ok, no problem" but in side my brains going " awwww ffs" He was moody, cos of that he was off with you. Sometimes guys can be moody for quite a while, cant often help it.
its very early days between you , so i reckon you should just take it easy for a while and see how it goes. If hes like this for longer than 1/2 weeks, then ask him upfront not to mess u around, and if he cant promise u to go back to normal, then end it

Reply 2

shinytoy

18

i think he is wanting sex, but at the same time he loves you. look, he might get p'd off but he would rather be angry and with you, than without you.

if he just wanted sex he would dump you. but he says he will wait but i think he is finding it hard hence the mind-changing.

do you have a reason not to be sleeping with him? eg waiting for marriage/6 months/ something? if you plan to wait a long while i think its only fair to tell him so.

Reply 3

theredsox

15

She might just not want to yet. I wouldn't have wanted to sleep with my bf after a month (Granted I still don't want to, so it's not exactly relevant :biggrin:

).
How old are you, OP?

Reply 4

2late

13

OR he wants sex and he pretends that other things matter to him, so you don't think you're falling into the 'I-only-want-sex-from-you' trap.

Reply 5

Jonesy_LJ

Perhaps his pride is just a little bruised.

You would feel like a bit of a prat if you had a conversation that went:

"So...can we have sex?"

"No."

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

I'm 17 and he's 20 - i'm a virgin so want to wait at least a few months until i have sex with him to make sure he likes me enough and doesn't just want me for one thing.
I just don't get why he keeps changing his mind and he's been ignoring me online all evening apart from saying the whole 'we shouldn't have sex for ages/at all' thing. After that i said to him well there's always other stuff (because i don't mind foreplay with him etc) and he was like err ye uhuh whatever maybe we'll see. :|
Am i right in thinking he's going to dump me or really doesn't like me? Plus he's stopped calling and texting and when he doesn't speak on msn and i ask are you busy he says ye ttyl/ i'll text if i have credit (he does have credit cos he texts other people and not me ever) :frown:

Reply 7

Jonesy_LJ

Yeah actually having read that last post, his pride isn't bruised, he's just after one thing.

Why did he say you should wait beforehand? Probably to score points in the hope that it would actually lead to sex quicker.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Jonesy_LJ

Yeah actually having read that last post, his pride isn't bruised, he's just after one thing.

Why did he say you should wait beforehand? Probably to score points in the hope that it would actually lead to sex quicker.

Yea true, is that why he's being off with me then and not texting/calling? so confusing and upsetting :frown:

Reply 9

ForeverIsMyName

15

The guys got a ****ing Xbox 360, wtf does he need a girlfriend for?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

ForeverIsMyName

The guys got a ****ing Xbox 360, wtf does he need a girlfriend for?

I ask myself this too. Don't worry, he spends much more time playing on it than making contact with me :mad:

Reply 11

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

he told me he had 'got his mojo' back

You're dating an idiot? :rolleyes:

Seriously, though... he's almost certainly very insecure about being cheated on in the past, or just paranoid by nature. Don't come on too strong. Just be there for him when he wants to talk and back off when he doesn't, and generally absorb the awkwardness yourself. Let him come and go as he pleases - just humour his mood. :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

You're dating an idiot? :rolleyes:

Seriously, though... he's almost certainly very insecure about being cheated on in the past, or just paranoid by nature. Don't come on too strong. Just be there for him when he wants to talk and back off when he doesn't, and generally absorb the awkwardness yourself. Let him come and go as he pleases - just humour his mood. :smile:

Lol

so i should just ignore him until he contacts me?
the thing is, he never opens msn convos with me anymore and i waited 20mins for him to say hi this eve but he didn't so i had to say it....it's getting to me that he doesn't text or call me anymore and keeps changing his mind about having sex.... :confused:

Reply 13

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

Lol

so i should just ignore him until he contacts me?
the thing is, he never opens msn convos with me anymore and i waited 20mins for him to say hi this eve but he didn't so i had to say it....it's getting to me that he doesn't text or call me anymore and keeps changing his mind about having sex.... :confused:

I wouldn't say ignore him, no. Talk to him on msn, but if he doesn't reply, don't push him - just let him stay like that. And if you talk to him on msn, don't do it every single time he comes on within 10 seconds. But then if he wants to talk to you on msn, talk back. That sort of thing. :smile:

Let him build up his trust in you at his own pace - I might be wrong, but it sounds as if he could be trying not to get too close to you in case you let him down. So, be as friendly as you can, but if he doesn't want it at that particular point in time, withdraw gracefully and don't hold it against him. :p:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

I wouldn't say ignore him, no. Talk to him on msn, but if he doesn't reply, don't push him - just let him stay like that. And if you talk to him on msn, don't do it every single time he comes on within 10 seconds. But then if he wants to talk to you on msn, talk back. That sort of thing. :smile:

Let him build up his trust in you at his own pace - I might be wrong, but it sounds as if he could be trying not to get too close to you in case you let him down. So, be as friendly as you can, but if he doesn't want it at that particular point in time, withdraw gracefully and don't hold it against him. :p:

What if he's not on msn though? should i call/text? do you think it he's likely to dump me soon seeing as he's kind of cut off contact, doesn't seem bothered and keeps changing his mind about whether he wants to sleep with me?
thanks for your help btw, really appreciate it :smile:

Reply 15

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

What if he's not on msn though? should i call/text? do you think it he's likely to dump me soon seeing as he's kind of cut off contact, doesn't seem bothered and keeps changing his mind about whether he wants to sleep with me?
thanks for your help btw, really appreciate it :smile:

Well, you can text occasionally, but same rules apply. If he doesn't text back, don't hold it against him, and don't go on at him with more texts asking why he's not replying. Just give it a couple of days then text again as if nothing happened. If he's too busy to talk on the phone, ask if he'd rather you called back later or something, and if not, don't. :smile:

I don't know about the dumping thing. It's difficult enough for you to work it out, and you know him, I don't. :p:

People like this are often so withdrawn that you can't really tell what's going on. It could be the complete opposite - he could be doing what I said, or he could be trying to force himself to like you because he sees you're a decent person and wouldn't mess him about like his previous girlfriend, or any number of other equally likely things.

Give it time - you'll find out soon enough.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

generalebriety

Well, you can text occasionally, but same rules apply. If he doesn't text back, don't hold it against him, and don't go on at him with more texts asking why he's not replying. Just give it a couple of days then text again as if nothing happened. If he's too busy to talk on the phone, ask if he'd rather you called back later or something, and if not, don't. :smile:

I don't know about the dumping thing. It's difficult enough for you to work it out, and you know him, I don't. :p:

People like this are often so withdrawn that you can't really tell what's going on. It could be the complete opposite - he could be doing what I said, or he could be trying to force himself to like you because he sees you're a decent person and wouldn't mess him about like his previous girlfriend, or any number of other equally likely things.

Give it time - you'll find out soon enough.

Thanks, yeah i guess i'll see what happens. Does he just not realise that he's doing this to me or this will affect me? he just told my friend that stuff with us is 'alright' .. does that mean good in guy language? :redface:

Reply 17

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

Thanks, yeah i guess i'll see what happens. Does he just not realise that he's doing this to me or this will affect me? he just told my friend that stuff with us is 'alright' .. does that mean good in guy language? :redface:

Heh, could mean anything. Again, it's your friend, so he won't be giving much away. :smile:

But it's certainly not a bad sign. I don't think he realises it'll affect you - or maybe he knows it will but thinks that, in order for it not to affect you, he'd have to suffer a lot more. Don't forget he's probably going through an equally bad time. :smile:

Reply 18

Jonesy_LJ

Anonymous

Yea true, is that why he's being off with me then and not texting/calling? so confusing and upsetting :frown:

In short. Yes.

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

Was i really mean denying him sex then? I just wasn't ready and he seemed ok with it at the time....

GRR what is wrong with him????

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