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AQA GCSE French: Holidays Essay watch

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    Hello everyone!

    First of all thank you so much for reading. I'm currently starting my AQA GCSE French course and I have to create an Essay about holidays for my Writing Assessment. Can someone who is fluent in French or have experience in this read the essay and see if the sentences make sense? How could I improve? I wrote it at home and feel like it's not all correct. I'm open to all recommendations! (I know it's quite long and a bit to chew through but I'm aiming for an A/A* and would really help me out). THANK YOU!

    Essay in English:

    "During the summer holidays in July, I visited my family in Vietnam. On Saturday morning we went to the airport by car and soon arrived in Hanoi - the capital city of Vietnam. The flight lasted thirteen hours; despite the fact that the whole trip made us extremely exhausted, I could not control my excitement. Upon arrival, the weather was warm, however, as the day progressed, it became very humid. Firstly, we went shopping in the town centre, it was crowded and filled with tourists but I had the chance to buy some souvenirs. After in the afternoon, I went for a walk in the sunset; I found the area very mesmerising because of the mountains and beautiful beaches. I love swimming because the water is really warm and helps me relax. I also tried wind-surfing which was fun however difficult. Throughout the week, I went shopping and visited different monuments, I really enjoyed seeing different places and trying unique cuisines. I love Vietnamese food because it is totally different compared to what I eat at home.

    Next year, I am planning to go to the US. I am very excited as I have never been in America before, I will be staying in the Plaza Hotel in central New York. I love NYC, it has the most iconic skyline and is the home of Broadway. I will be going with my parents, we will be travelling there by plane which will be quite expensive. I cannot wait to see the Central Park as well as the Times Square, which looks amazing! The weather should be warm and I'm sure we'll have fun!"

    Essay in French:

    "Pendant les vacances d'été en Juillet, je suis allé à ma famille au Vietnam. Le samedi matin, nous sommes allés à l'aéroport en voiture et bientôt arrivés à Hanoi - la capitale du Vietnam. Le vol a duré treize heures; malgré le fait que tout le voyage nous a fait extrêmement épuisé, je ne pouvais pas contrôler mon excitation. À l'arrivée, le temps était chaud, cependant, que la journée avançait, il est devenu très humide. Tout d'abord, nous sommes allés faire du shopping dans le centre-ville, il était bondé et rempli de touristes mais je eu la chance d'acheter quelques souvenirs. Après l'après-midi, je suis allé pour une promenade au coucher du soleil; Je trouve le quartier très envoûtante à cause des montagnes et de belles plages. Je aime nager parce que l'eau est vraiment chaleureux et me permet de relaxer. Je ai également essayé la planche à voile qui était amusant mais difficile. Tout au long de la semaine, je suis allé shopping et visité différents monuments, je vraiment apprécié de voir des endroits différents et essayer cuisines uniques. Je adore la cuisine vietnamienne, car il est totalement différent par rapport à ce que je mange à la maison.

    L'année prochaine, je prévois d'aller aux États-Unis. Je suis très heureux que je ne l'ai jamais été en Amérique avant, je vais rester dans l'Hôtel Plaza dans le centre de New York. I love New York, il a l'horizon le plus emblématique et est la maison de Broadway. Je vais aller avec mes parents, nous serons là voyagez par avion, qui sera très coûteux. Je ne peux pas attendre de voir le Central Park ainsi que le Times Square, qui semble incroyable! Le temps doit être chaud et je suis sûr que nous allons avoir du plaisir!"
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    (Original post by HankaLangerova)
    Hello everyone!

    First of all thank you so much for reading. I'm currently starting my AQA GCSE French course and I have to create an Essay about holidays for my Writing Assessment. Can someone who is fluent in French or have experience in this read the essay and see if the sentences make sense? How could I improve? I wrote it at home and feel like it's not all correct. I'm open to all recommendations! (I know it's quite long and a bit to chew through but I'm aiming for an A/A* and would really help me out). THANK YOU!

    Essay in English:

    "During the summer holidays in July, I visited my family in Vietnam. On Saturday morning we went to the airport by car and soon arrived in Hanoi - the capital city of Vietnam. The flight lasted thirteen hours; despite the fact that the whole trip made us extremely exhausted, I could not control my excitement. Upon arrival, the weather was warm, however, as the day progressed, it became very humid. Firstly, we went shopping in the town centre, it was crowded and filled with tourists but I had the chance to buy some souvenirs. After in the afternoon, I went for a walk in the sunset; I found the area very mesmerising because of the mountains and beautiful beaches. I love swimming because the water is really warm and helps me relax. I also tried wind-surfing which was fun however difficult. Throughout the week, I went shopping and visited different monuments, I really enjoyed seeing different places and trying unique cuisines. I love Vietnamese food because it is totally different compared to what I eat at home.

    Next year, I am planning to go to the US. I am very excited as I have never been in America before, I will be staying in the Plaza Hotel in central New York. I love NYC, it has the most iconic skyline and is the home of Broadway. I will be going with my parents, we will be travelling there by plane which will be quite expensive. I cannot wait to see the Central Park as well as the Times Square, which looks amazing! The weather should be warm and I'm sure we'll have fun!"

    Essay in French:

    "Pendant les vacances d'été en Juillet, je suis allé à ma famille au Vietnam. Le samedi matin, nous sommes allés à l'aéroport en voiture et bientôt arrivés à Hanoi - la capitale du Vietnam. Le vol a duré treize heures; malgré le fait que tout le voyage nous a fait extrêmement épuisé, je ne pouvais pas contrôler mon excitation. À l'arrivée, le temps était chaud, cependant, que la journée avançait, il est devenu très humide. Tout d'abord, nous sommes allés faire du shopping dans le centre-ville, il était bondé et rempli de touristes mais je eu la chance d'acheter quelques souvenirs. Après l'après-midi, je suis allé pour une promenade au coucher du soleil; Je trouve le quartier très envoûtante à cause des montagnes et de belles plages. Je aime nager parce que l'eau est vraiment chaleureux et me permet de relaxer. Je ai également essayé la planche à voile qui était amusant mais difficile. Tout au long de la semaine, je suis allé shopping et visité différents monuments, je vraiment apprécié de voir des endroits différents et essayer cuisines uniques. Je adore la cuisine vietnamienne, car il est totalement différent par rapport à ce que je mange à la maison.

    L'année prochaine, je prévois d'aller aux États-Unis. Je suis très heureux que je ne l'ai jamais été en Amérique avant, je vais rester dans l'Hôtel Plaza dans le centre de New York. I love New York, il a l'horizon le plus emblématique et est la maison de Broadway. Je vais aller avec mes parents, nous serons là voyagez par avion, qui sera très coûteux. Je ne peux pas attendre de voir le Central Park ainsi que le Times Square, qui semble incroyable! Le temps doit être chaud et je suis sûr que nous allons avoir du plaisir!"
    Hi! I'm not that great in French to check yoru essay for correction, from a writing perspective it is better to try to write straigt in French rather than translate fom English. The French language has it's own constructions and you are not familiar with all of them if you're learning the language. English has different constructions. Thus, when you translate, your French ends up sounding very English if that makes any sense...
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    Yeah I think you shouldn't have translate it according to the English writing but you translate some of it properly
 
 
 
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