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Head boy application watch

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    I'm applying for head boy at my school we have to give a two minute max speech in front of teachers. Can i get some feedback on my speech pls????
    The brackets is where I would say the name of my school.

    A famous poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote,“I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”If elected as head boy I would strive with pure passion and determination to make my peers experience at (______) exceptional.I have collated zero behaviour points over my 5 years at this school,Illustrating that I am an exemplary candidate for this position.Moreover, I believe that I am intelligent, responsible, kind and mature.Having attended revision sessions at every opportunity and received science and French awards as well as the principal’s award, I am an individual who is dedicated to improving and pushing myself. The position of head boy holds great significance when applying the sixth forms and universities.I am very enthusiastic about my work and my prospects in later life,having already accumulated UCAS points from musical examinations and gained work experience at a shop.I believe that the addition of head boy to my CV would well equip me for my future endeavours. Seeing this ever improving school evolve I have consistently been a positive role model to younger students.Now in one of the most important years of my education I want to give something back to (______).Head boy gives one the opportunity to ultimately help others and make school a less stressful and more enjoyable place.I aspire to be this Head Boy.
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    (Original post by Nawe)
    I'm applying for head boy at my school we have to give a two minute max speech in front of teachers. Can i get some feedback on my speech pls????
    The brackets is where I would say the name of my school.

    A famous poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote,“I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better”If elected as head boy I would strive with pure passion and determination to make my peers experience at (______) exceptional.I have collated zero behaviour points over my 5 years at this school,Illustrating that I am an exemplary candidate for this position.Moreover, I believe that I am intelligent, responsible, kind and mature.Having attended revision sessions at every opportunity and received science and French awards as well as the principal’s award, I am an individual who is dedicated to improving and pushing myself. The position of head boy holds great significance when applying the sixth forms and universities.I am very enthusiastic about my work and my prospects in later life,having already accumulated UCAS points from musical examinations and gained work experience at a shop.I believe that the addition of head boy to my CV would well equip me for my future endeavours. Seeing this ever improving school evolve I have consistently been a positive role model to younger students.Now in one of the most important years of my education I want to give something back to (______).Head boy gives one the opportunity to ultimately help others and make school a less stressful and more enjoyable place.I aspire to be this Head Boy.
    You might want to add in if you have any relevant experience that would help you, for example of public speaking The last sentence is also kind of cliche and is more likely to evoke cringing rather than admiration from the teachers
 
 
 
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