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Psycho Boyfriend
My boyfriend has a very bad temper but today he totally flew off the handle. He threw objects around in my room and pushed me on to the floor, and said that he'll kill me. Even though I am a very stubborn person and have a very bad temper, I could do nothing but say sorry to him and that I love him. He is very drunk and one moment he was like a monster and the next he was crying in hysterics. I'm scared that he will kill me if I break up with him, I was thinking of being normal with him tomorrow morning and breaking up when he goes away. Is this a good idea?
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Reply 1
Never stick with a violent partner. It is absolutely not worth it.
Reply 3
Yeah, leave him for sure. He sounds almost bi-polar, you shouldn't have to suffer aswell. Get out and stay out....no relationship is worth sacrificing your security and happiness.
Reply 7
As everyone else has said, get out now.
Talk to him when he's calm and sober, and tell him that you can't be with someone who is as erratic as he was, and you don't want to take the risk of it happening again, because you were really, really scared of it.
Hopefully, that'll make him see that he needs to get help for this, because it's his problem and not yours.
Don't hang around to see if he'll do it again, because it will happen again, and again, and again if you let it.
Talk to him when he's calm and sober, and tell him that you can't be with someone who is as erratic as he was, and you don't want to take the risk of it happening again, because you were really, really scared of it.
Hopefully, that'll make him see that he needs to get help for this, because it's his problem and not yours.
Don't hang around to see if he'll do it again, because it will happen again, and again, and again if you let it.
Yup. First sign of trouble in a relationship, pack your bags and run. The only relationships worth your time are those that go without any hiccups right?
Do you love this guy? Has he done anything like this before? Is he going through something right now? Do you think this was a one off or the start of something regular? Has he started taking drugs or drinking excessively? Did he actually hit you? Did it seem like he was going to hit you? Please don't take the frivolous and cruel advice above, think about it hard first.
Why don't you talk to him about it, maybe help him get some help, rather than simply chuck him as the caring people above think you should do?
The above posters should realise we don't live in the 19th century anymore and that we don't usually as a society villify and stigmatise those with mental problems and possible disorders, that we should attempt to aid them, especially when we are close to them. Of course, don't do so that you put yourself in physical danger, but do you see what I mean?
One bad day doesn't make him a 'violent partner'. Everyone has the capacity for violence, it just depends on the trigger. He may well just be depressed. Violence does not make you a bad person, and it is idiocy to say so. Those above have obviously had very cushy lives if they've never felt the need to destroy some furniture.
Do you love this guy? Has he done anything like this before? Is he going through something right now? Do you think this was a one off or the start of something regular? Has he started taking drugs or drinking excessively? Did he actually hit you? Did it seem like he was going to hit you? Please don't take the frivolous and cruel advice above, think about it hard first.
Why don't you talk to him about it, maybe help him get some help, rather than simply chuck him as the caring people above think you should do?
The above posters should realise we don't live in the 19th century anymore and that we don't usually as a society villify and stigmatise those with mental problems and possible disorders, that we should attempt to aid them, especially when we are close to them. Of course, don't do so that you put yourself in physical danger, but do you see what I mean?
One bad day doesn't make him a 'violent partner'. Everyone has the capacity for violence, it just depends on the trigger. He may well just be depressed. Violence does not make you a bad person, and it is idiocy to say so. Those above have obviously had very cushy lives if they've never felt the need to destroy some furniture.
Reply 9
tehjonny
Yup. First sign of trouble in a relationship, pack your bags and run. The only relationships worth your time are those that go without any hiccups right?
No-one is suggesting that a relationship should always go smoothly, but violence is not a "hiccup", it could end up with someone getting hurt.
Violence does not make you a bad person, and it is idiocy to think so.
Whatever violence might suggest about a character, it's certainly quite capable of leading to harm, and it would be idiocy to think that being with someone prone to violent outbursts is not putting yourself in danger.
Chumbaniya
No-one is suggesting that a relationship should always go smoothly, but violence is not a "hiccup", it could end up with someone getting hurt.
Whatever violence might suggest about a character, it's certainly quite capable of leading to harm, and it would be idiocy to think that being with someone prone to violent outbursts is not putting yourself in danger.
Whatever violence might suggest about a character, it's certainly quite capable of leading to harm, and it would be idiocy to think that being with someone prone to violent outbursts is not putting yourself in danger.
Right.
Violence is a hiccup, nothing more. Don't make it out to be this monolithic event, he has done it once from the sounds of it. He is not 'prone' to anything. Near every bloke I know has had one of these outbursts at some point. Surely that he was directing it at furniture rather than people is a good thing? Don't make the immediate jump of illogic 'if he hits furniture he will hit people'.
I'm not going to get into a debate about this as it is disrespectful of the OP and not the place. I would ask you in future to consider an issue in more depth, rather than simply encouraging the breakup of a relationship you know nothing about.
To the OP. Relationships aren't easy and blokes do tend to hit inanimate objects when extremely angry. This does not mean he is going to hit you, and does not make him inherently violent. Of course don't put yourself in any danger, but do not call him a 'psycho' and do not dump him because of this. What would this say about you? Do not take the 'advice' of those cushioned individuals above, who have obviously never felt sufficient frustration and rage to understand what these emotions actually are.
Why must men be so feminised these days?
Reply 11
tehjonny
Violence is a hiccup, nothing more. Don't make it out to be this monolithic event, he has done it once from the sounds of it. He is not 'prone' to anything. Near every bloke I know has had one of these outbursts at some point. Surely that he was directing it at furniture rather than people is a good thing? Don't make the immediate jump of illogic 'if he hits furniture he will hit people'.
I think you missed the part about him pushing her to the floor and threatening to kill her. I couldn't care less if this guy is unable to control his anger, that's his problem, and if most guys you know have similar outbursts I can only conclude that you know guys with very little self-control. I just want to give advice as to how the OP can stay safe.
Life isn't safe, and relationships aren't easy.
But this doesn't mean you need to put yourself at greater risk or deliberately make things hard for yourself. An analogy; roads aren't safe, but you still look for traffic when you cross them, don't you?
Why must men be so feminised these days?
What an unbelievably moronic thing to say. You think that violence is what defines masculinity? That managing to control yourself makes you less of man? If being feminised means being non-violent, them I'm bloody glad I'm feminised.
Reply 12
If it is a one off and he was absolutely ina foul mood thats ok, it is no excuse for him to hit you however if he does do it again at all then go straight to police and get a restrainign order. THe toher thing is that if eh makes you feel insecure AT ALL and you are having doubts then break up and try the police. You should never be in a relationship you dont want to be in.
Chumbaniya
I think you missed the part about him pushing her to the floor and threatening to kill her. I couldn't care less if this guy is unable to control his anger, that's his problem, and if most guys you know have similar outbursts I can only conclude that you know guys with very little self-control. I just want to give advice as to how the OP can stay safe.
But this doesn't mean you need to put yourself at greater risk or deliberately make things hard for yourself. An analogy; roads aren't safe, but you still look for traffic when you cross them, don't you?
But this doesn't mean you need to put yourself at greater risk or deliberately make things hard for yourself. An analogy; roads aren't safe, but you still look for traffic when you cross them, don't you?
As I said, it is disrespectful of the OP to debate it here.
Glad you could come up with more than a one sentence answer though, shows you actually considered the issue second time round.
All guys at some point have punched a wall etc. Just because your bloke mates haven't told you doesn't mean they haven't. Men get angry, and sometimes that is manifested physically. This doesn't make us bad, or barbarous. It makes us human.
Reply 14
Gotta side with tehjonny on this.
Reply 15
Yup. First sign of trouble in a relationship, pack your bags and run. The only relationships worth your time are those that go without any hiccups right?
The only relationships worth your time are those that go without any murder threats, yes.
FFS.
I've told people I'll kill them in secondary school fights...doesn't mean I'm going to do it does it? Words do not equate to actions.
This guy went over the top yes, and their is no excuse for throwing someone you are supposed to care about on the floor. I understand that. The judgemental black and white view some people are espousing isn't rational though. Surely the guy should be given a second chance?
Have any of you considered that as this isn't normal behaviour this guy is obviously going through something, and that he shouldn't simply be judged a bastard. What kind of view is that?
I hope the OP sorts this out anyways, good luck!
I've told people I'll kill them in secondary school fights...doesn't mean I'm going to do it does it? Words do not equate to actions.
This guy went over the top yes, and their is no excuse for throwing someone you are supposed to care about on the floor. I understand that. The judgemental black and white view some people are espousing isn't rational though. Surely the guy should be given a second chance?
Have any of you considered that as this isn't normal behaviour this guy is obviously going through something, and that he shouldn't simply be judged a bastard. What kind of view is that?
I hope the OP sorts this out anyways, good luck!
Reply 17
Everyone else says dump him, I'm going with that as well.
Reply 18
If a gal had gotten angry, pushed her b/f and threatened to kill him in the heat of the moment, would you tell him to get out of the relationship?
This is directed at all those who are telling her to get out immediately.
This is directed at all those who are telling her to get out immediately.
Reply 19
Finish it, have a friend or something in the other room or a big ****off knife in your pocket whne you do it mind.
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