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waiting for my ex? or is she not coming back
hey,
my ex is currently on her gap year, whilst i am at uni. we spent a great 18 months together, having eventually got together after many years of almost doing so.
we broke up originally for uni, but then got up back together quickly. we broke up again a few months before she left to travel for 6months but kept on seeing each other as much (if not more) as when we went out. in other words we lasted pretty much fine with me being four hours away at uni.
she is probably coming to the same uni as i am at next year, and im not sure of what sort of hopes i should hold for us getting back together. at the moment she does not want to talk to me at all, saying she needs space and time, to be with other people to figure out how she feels about us. whilst the being with otehr people isnt a problem - ive done as much as i could since we broke up as i am a typical guy who can do that without emotion i know she cant which is what worries me a bit. when i visited her abroad she was not her usual self at all with me (kinda understandably) even tho she had only been away for two weeks, and one week of that was still all messages along the 'i love and miss you' lines.
i guess i can sorta understand why she needs space to help her get over us - which ironically she says is the only way for her to reaffirm us ie by trying as hard as she can to kill her feelings or something!, and perhaps - as she said many times - she expects me to be with someone else (bit of a serial long term relationshipper me) when she gets back so is protecting herself but she wont even answer messages just seeing how she is doing.
ive given up trying to get her to talk to me but despite 'seeing' some one else (no more very casual and friendly relationship) i think about her ****loads and cant help but wonder if she was ever as into us as i thought since i cant understand how she can not talk....
sorry so long got a bit carried away and its a lil complex. oh might be worth mentioning i was her first proper long term boyfriend and the relationship was pretty much spot, plus her mates who i know well now - but to whom she speaks very rarely atm esp about relationships - are of the opinion that we will defo get together again and she said to a friend of mine who saw her travelling that 'we always end up back together'
cheers - hopefully i got the gist across there! meh
my ex is currently on her gap year, whilst i am at uni. we spent a great 18 months together, having eventually got together after many years of almost doing so.
we broke up originally for uni, but then got up back together quickly. we broke up again a few months before she left to travel for 6months but kept on seeing each other as much (if not more) as when we went out. in other words we lasted pretty much fine with me being four hours away at uni.
she is probably coming to the same uni as i am at next year, and im not sure of what sort of hopes i should hold for us getting back together. at the moment she does not want to talk to me at all, saying she needs space and time, to be with other people to figure out how she feels about us. whilst the being with otehr people isnt a problem - ive done as much as i could since we broke up as i am a typical guy who can do that without emotion i know she cant which is what worries me a bit. when i visited her abroad she was not her usual self at all with me (kinda understandably) even tho she had only been away for two weeks, and one week of that was still all messages along the 'i love and miss you' lines.
i guess i can sorta understand why she needs space to help her get over us - which ironically she says is the only way for her to reaffirm us ie by trying as hard as she can to kill her feelings or something!, and perhaps - as she said many times - she expects me to be with someone else (bit of a serial long term relationshipper me) when she gets back so is protecting herself but she wont even answer messages just seeing how she is doing.
ive given up trying to get her to talk to me but despite 'seeing' some one else (no more very casual and friendly relationship) i think about her ****loads and cant help but wonder if she was ever as into us as i thought since i cant understand how she can not talk....
sorry so long got a bit carried away and its a lil complex. oh might be worth mentioning i was her first proper long term boyfriend and the relationship was pretty much spot, plus her mates who i know well now - but to whom she speaks very rarely atm esp about relationships - are of the opinion that we will defo get together again and she said to a friend of mine who saw her travelling that 'we always end up back together'
cheers - hopefully i got the gist across there! meh
Reply 1
bump
What kind of advice are are looking for cause that post seemed just like a way of getting out what you feel. Which is fine but i dont really understand the question.
The only thing you can do is move on with your life, if you meet up and get back together when she gets back then great it was obviously meant to be but if not then you havent wasted a year hanging around waiting for her.
I understand what she means about wanting space to see if she can get over you. She wants to enjoy her gap year and not thinking/ worrying about things with you and her.
Enjoy yourself and see what happens when she gets back you dont want to think back on this year and regret spending so much time worrying about things if you dont get back together when shes back.
The only thing you can do is move on with your life, if you meet up and get back together when she gets back then great it was obviously meant to be but if not then you havent wasted a year hanging around waiting for her.
I understand what she means about wanting space to see if she can get over you. She wants to enjoy her gap year and not thinking/ worrying about things with you and her.
Enjoy yourself and see what happens when she gets back you dont want to think back on this year and regret spending so much time worrying about things if you dont get back together when shes back.
Reply 3
just got more complex
she sent me a message over facebook saying 'we need to talk, if you want to, ive got a new bf sorry to tell you like this etc etc
when we spoke she seemed very apologetic and making excuses like 'you know what im like i dont like to sleep around', and took a great interest in my love life, seeiming quite jealous of teh girl im kinda seeing that i told her about.
she is home in may now, they have been together two months.
meh guess i cant do anything but just sit back and wait and see what happens, im only second guessinge verything really????? or should i be a bit more proactive and let her know how i still feel
she sent me a message over facebook saying 'we need to talk, if you want to, ive got a new bf sorry to tell you like this etc etc
when we spoke she seemed very apologetic and making excuses like 'you know what im like i dont like to sleep around', and took a great interest in my love life, seeiming quite jealous of teh girl im kinda seeing that i told her about.
she is home in may now, they have been together two months.
meh guess i cant do anything but just sit back and wait and see what happens, im only second guessinge verything really????? or should i be a bit more proactive and let her know how i still feel
Nix!
Hah always the same story. Girl needs 'space', in truth she just doesn't want to admit that she wants to try the grass on the otherside of the fence.
Sorry buddy, it can't be nice but you could always be worse off - head up, soldier on.
Sorry buddy, it can't be nice but you could always be worse off - head up, soldier on.
Have you read the book "He's just not that into you? by greg Behrendt? Its meant for girls but I think it would be a good read for guys in your position too. It really gets things into perpective.
EDIT: That was my 100th post. That means its good luck for you!
Reply 6
lol nice one nix, real supportive! well if thats the case im fine she wont find better, jokes
pharm - whats the book actually about
pharm - whats the book actually about
Reply 7
dude, go an find another girl, you cant keep waiting for ur ex to come back again, move on , there are other girls out there for you
Anonymous
lol nice one nix, real supportive! well if thats the case im fine she wont find better, jokes
pharm - whats the book actually about
pharm - whats the book actually about
Its about how to realise that we are too good to be messed about and kept hanging on a string, and answers all the excuses we make for putting up with a relationship where we permanently feel unsure about whether the other person is committed to you. Chapters are "He's not that into you if he's cheating" , "He's not that into you if he's breaking up with you", He's not that into you if he's moved away" etc
pharmgirl
Its about how to realise that we are too good to be messed about and kept hanging on a string, and answers all the excuses we make for putting up with a relationship where we permanently feel unsure about whether the other person is committed to you. Chapters are "He's not that into you if he's cheating" , "He's not that into you if he's breaking up with you", He's not that into you if he's moved away" etc
...and all these things you can realise by yourself if;
a) You're emotionally mature.
b) Have some common sense.
c) Experience and/or cynicism.
These kind of books just pander to those who are unable to work things out for themselves. There is also one very important lesson which they seem unable to communicate; for all the 'advice' it offers, it does not take into account how emotions make you respond.
Before I ever strongly felt for someone, silly things like wars founded on idiotic notions would confuse me, but now that I understand exactly how emotion can dictate your actions, it makes a lot more sense.
pharmgirl
Have you read the book "He's just not that into you? by greg Behrendt? Its meant for girls but I think it would be a good read for guys in your position too. It really gets things into perpective.
EDIT: That was my 100th post. That means its good luck for you!
EDIT: That was my 100th post. That means its good luck for you!
... and why are you assuming that I need to read such dribble? I have the qualities I've listed above in abundance, that may make me sound arrogant, but if you actually knew me, you'd understand it's a fair statement to make.
You're jumping to conclusions that I need advice, and I'm assuming you've guessed I've had a similar situation of the 'grass is greener' where the girl left. Well, in a sense yes. However, I saw it coming a mile off, but instead of doing the sensible thing and walking I stayed and tried to make it work. Why? Because the girl was worth my time, the situation was more complex then you give it credit and due to my character; I needed to show her that nice guys exist. Well, "More fool me" is all I can say.
Also, before you assume - there was no other guy involved. The relationship was a victim of circumstance, but she still played games which relates nicely back to what I was originally suggesting in my first post; girls play games because despite claiming they want 'honesty' etc, they're usually the ones unable to be honest, work out what they want or any other excuse you can throw into the pot. It could be because they're afraid of hurting feelings or people's reactions, I don't know. Either way it happens.
Sometimes people need these harsh lessons to gain the perspective. I've been accused of being slightly misogynistic but as far as I'm concerned, experience dictates that I'm within my rights to percieve things the way I do.
Girls play games, whether they mean to or not. It's a fact of life.
.Quote:.. and why are you assuming that I need to read such dribble?
I'm sorry did I miss something? Who assumed you need to read it? I thought I was talking to the OP. And before you dismiss a book as dribble read it. And what's this about other guys? Huh? I was quoting situations from the book. You need to take a chill pill my dear it was only friendly advice, well intentioned and undeserving of such a VEHEMENT fresponse.
Edit: To talk in such an angry way you give the impression that you do have some kind of issue. Maybe this is just internet rage but I am shocked.
I'm sorry did I miss something? Who assumed you need to read it? I thought I was talking to the OP. And before you dismiss a book as dribble read it. And what's this about other guys? Huh? I was quoting situations from the book. You need to take a chill pill my dear it was only friendly advice, well intentioned and undeserving of such a VEHEMENT fresponse.
Edit: To talk in such an angry way you give the impression that you do have some kind of issue. Maybe this is just internet rage but I am shocked.
Nix!
Hah always the same story. Girl needs 'space', in truth she just doesn't want to admit that she wants to try the grass on the otherside of the fence.
Sorry buddy, it can't be nice but you could always be worse off - head up, soldier on.
Sorry buddy, it can't be nice but you could always be worse off - head up, soldier on.
FYI This is EXACTLY the so called dribble that the book says.
And what IF someone needs a little help "realising things for themselves"? Is that so bad? Sounds like you scared her off mate!
Reply 12
Leave her well alone.
Alone.
Leave her.
Someone else you must find.
Listen to these wise words my friend. Save yourself. LEAVE her alone. Flee. Do it.
Alone.
Leave her.
Someone else you must find.
Listen to these wise words my friend. Save yourself. LEAVE her alone. Flee. Do it.
Reply 13
****e looks like i caused some argumentative **** here, im glad people feel strongly enough about my predicament!
pharmgirl - i had a look at some extracts of that book, and i really do appreciate your help, but its kinda not really what i meant.
she isnt messing me about at all - we are broken up and its cool for her to be with other people - after all i have been too, what my question was was to all ya'll out there does this sound like something where we may get back together.
im a bit pissed and maybe not making much sense
on another note - being home for easter is weird, just got home now as have work tomorrow, normalyl at uni i would just be going out
pharmgirl - i had a look at some extracts of that book, and i really do appreciate your help, but its kinda not really what i meant.
she isnt messing me about at all - we are broken up and its cool for her to be with other people - after all i have been too, what my question was was to all ya'll out there does this sound like something where we may get back together.
im a bit pissed and maybe not making much sense
on another note - being home for easter is weird, just got home now as have work tomorrow, normalyl at uni i would just be going out
Anonymous
****e looks like i caused some argumentative **** here, im glad people feel strongly enough about my predicament!
pharmgirl - i had a look at some extracts of that book, and i really do appreciate your help, but its kinda not really what i meant.
she isnt messing me about at all - we are broken up and its cool for her to be with other people - after all i have been too, what my question was was to all ya'll out there does this sound like something where we may get back together.
im a bit pissed and maybe not making much sense
on another note - being home for easter is weird, just got home now as have work tomorrow, normalyl at uni i would just be going out
pharmgirl - i had a look at some extracts of that book, and i really do appreciate your help, but its kinda not really what i meant.
she isnt messing me about at all - we are broken up and its cool for her to be with other people - after all i have been too, what my question was was to all ya'll out there does this sound like something where we may get back together.
im a bit pissed and maybe not making much sense
on another note - being home for easter is weird, just got home now as have work tomorrow, normalyl at uni i would just be going out
Aww I'm sure everything will turn out OK in the end. Getting pissed sounds like a good way to take your mind off it anyway.
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