OCD - Fear of being drugged or poisoned
This is my first time writing in full about how I feel with this problem and I am hoping to talk to others who suffer from OCD and gain some tips and advice. Most of you who know me on here will have known that I have had anxiety issues all my life and I was diagnosed with OCD when I was younger and back then it was a fear of contamination but with germs that time and I managed to get over the majority of it and in between then and now I have been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and agoraphobia. These 3 things for the most part are manageable now. They still play a part in my life every day but nowhere as much as OCD. So this summer, my stress levels were at an all time high and I noticed some old familiar feelings and thoughts came back which was ultimately OCD.
It all started when I was reading something about snake venom for a uni report on my phone and I was lying there happily reading it then suddenly this intrusive thought of "imagine if the venom from that snake could be transferred through the phone into you! You're dying!" and I knew 100% that was absolute crap and impossible but I couldn't shake off the thought and there was me back to my old self of running to the toilet and scrubbing my hands and wiping my phone all over. That made me feel better but not completely. I hoped it was just an once off incident because of stress and I hadn't been sleeping well but it developed into a daily habit which now affects my life severely.My main worry is being drugged or poisoned. I think these scare me so much as I have a fear of losing control and also a fear of vomiting. Its affected my eating habits. I have lost a stone in the past month and anything I eat, I am convinced somewhere in my mind that it is poisoned or laced. i have never done any drugs in my life other than drink every now and again and I done weed once when I was 16 and it made me panicky so I stayed away ever since. I wont try new foods. We recently went to Asda for our shopping instead of the usual Tesco and we got a lot of things we buy at Tesco but we got the Asda version and one night we ate the chicken kievs from Asda and I usually eat them no bother from Tesco but I only ate 2 bites from it and for an hour afterwards I sat in panic mode waiting for the 'drugged or poisoning' symptoms to kick in. obviously they never did. I also have a fear that I am going to take an allergic reaction to food even though I never have. Anything I eat, whether I have ate a million times before in the past or not, I sit in panic for the first mins to see if I take a severe reaction.
Its not just food this fear has clung to, its also with things like clothes and soaps. Here's two examples. My mum came back from a trip from England 2 days ago and brought me back some lovely smelling soaps and I used one while in the bath yesterday and all I could think was it was laced with acid or something and I would start tripping which I know is absolutely bonkers. Another ones was a few weeks ago I noticed a white patch on my grey jeans, I knew it was the denim fading but my mind kept saying "no its cocaine!" and again, I knew it was utterly stupid and I have washed them 4 times since and I still wont wear them. Another one with clothes is my gran got me some t shirts from the charity shop and usually I wash clothes when I get them from there anyway, but even after I washed these tees, I couldn't get the "the patterns are actually laced with LSD" or something thoughts out my head and to try shut my mind up, I rubbed my hand all over the t shirt and told myself that if I am fine in an hour, this crazy thought has to stop. I am currently wearing the t shirt at the moment.I know how crazy and silly it all sounds. I feel ashamed even though I know I shouldn't. I've dealt with anxiety issues in the past but this one has been the one that I have been in denial with most and the one I have found most difficult to accept.
I haven't spoke to my mum and partner about the true extent of how bad its getting and I am worried I have something more sinister like schizophrenia and not OCD. I am too scared to go back to my doctor as its hard enough writing all this down for you to read, let alone say it. I've also been in and out the docs with anxiety issues, I don't want them to think I am taking the mick. I can't afford private counselling so i really don't know what to do anymore.__________________
It all started when I was reading something about snake venom for a uni report on my phone and I was lying there happily reading it then suddenly this intrusive thought of "imagine if the venom from that snake could be transferred through the phone into you! You're dying!" and I knew 100% that was absolute crap and impossible but I couldn't shake off the thought and there was me back to my old self of running to the toilet and scrubbing my hands and wiping my phone all over. That made me feel better but not completely. I hoped it was just an once off incident because of stress and I hadn't been sleeping well but it developed into a daily habit which now affects my life severely.My main worry is being drugged or poisoned. I think these scare me so much as I have a fear of losing control and also a fear of vomiting. Its affected my eating habits. I have lost a stone in the past month and anything I eat, I am convinced somewhere in my mind that it is poisoned or laced. i have never done any drugs in my life other than drink every now and again and I done weed once when I was 16 and it made me panicky so I stayed away ever since. I wont try new foods. We recently went to Asda for our shopping instead of the usual Tesco and we got a lot of things we buy at Tesco but we got the Asda version and one night we ate the chicken kievs from Asda and I usually eat them no bother from Tesco but I only ate 2 bites from it and for an hour afterwards I sat in panic mode waiting for the 'drugged or poisoning' symptoms to kick in. obviously they never did. I also have a fear that I am going to take an allergic reaction to food even though I never have. Anything I eat, whether I have ate a million times before in the past or not, I sit in panic for the first mins to see if I take a severe reaction.
Its not just food this fear has clung to, its also with things like clothes and soaps. Here's two examples. My mum came back from a trip from England 2 days ago and brought me back some lovely smelling soaps and I used one while in the bath yesterday and all I could think was it was laced with acid or something and I would start tripping which I know is absolutely bonkers. Another ones was a few weeks ago I noticed a white patch on my grey jeans, I knew it was the denim fading but my mind kept saying "no its cocaine!" and again, I knew it was utterly stupid and I have washed them 4 times since and I still wont wear them. Another one with clothes is my gran got me some t shirts from the charity shop and usually I wash clothes when I get them from there anyway, but even after I washed these tees, I couldn't get the "the patterns are actually laced with LSD" or something thoughts out my head and to try shut my mind up, I rubbed my hand all over the t shirt and told myself that if I am fine in an hour, this crazy thought has to stop. I am currently wearing the t shirt at the moment.I know how crazy and silly it all sounds. I feel ashamed even though I know I shouldn't. I've dealt with anxiety issues in the past but this one has been the one that I have been in denial with most and the one I have found most difficult to accept.
I haven't spoke to my mum and partner about the true extent of how bad its getting and I am worried I have something more sinister like schizophrenia and not OCD. I am too scared to go back to my doctor as its hard enough writing all this down for you to read, let alone say it. I've also been in and out the docs with anxiety issues, I don't want them to think I am taking the mick. I can't afford private counselling so i really don't know what to do anymore.__________________
I'm not experienced with this kind of thing but about the food part it sounds kind of like emetophobia- I knew someone who also suffered from this, she basically was afraid of vomiting it was so disabling for her that she stopped eating- you sound quite similar. I'm not sure about the other things though, have you done anything to help since posting this ??
I'm sorry you are experiencing this but from what you have written I would say that you shouldn't worry about schizophrenia being a possibility. Please give your doctor a visit and tell them everything you have written here.
Yeah I definitely have a fear of vomiting. Had that all my life. I've been back to see my GP since this post and he confirmed its nothing more than OCD and that it can flare up during stressful times like it has done in the past and my stepdad was diagnosed with Parkinson's recently so I've been quite stressed. He offered me meds but I decided not to take them and I'm on a waiting list for therapy.
I'm a lot better than what I was when I wrote this thread. I was at my lowest. Every day since has still been a struggle with it, some days easier than others but I've been forcing myself to confront the obsessions and not give into the compulsions and for the most time I've won. I'm not out the woods of this relapse but I'm getting there. I can see the light again. I deffo couldn't see any light when I first wrote this.
I've also spoke publicly and open about my problem both with friends and family and that has helped me come to terms with it a lot more and the shame is definitely fading. I've noticed a lot of people don't understand the true extent of how much OCD can affect someone though which can be quite disheartening.
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I'm a lot better than what I was when I wrote this thread. I was at my lowest. Every day since has still been a struggle with it, some days easier than others but I've been forcing myself to confront the obsessions and not give into the compulsions and for the most time I've won. I'm not out the woods of this relapse but I'm getting there. I can see the light again. I deffo couldn't see any light when I first wrote this.
I've also spoke publicly and open about my problem both with friends and family and that has helped me come to terms with it a lot more and the shame is definitely fading. I've noticed a lot of people don't understand the true extent of how much OCD can affect someone though which can be quite disheartening.
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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Spock's Socks
Yeah I definitely have a fear of vomiting. Had that all my life. I've been back to see my GP since this post and he confirmed its nothing more than OCD and that it can flare up during stressful times like it has done in the past and my stepdad was diagnosed with Parkinson's recently so I've been quite stressed. He offered me meds but I decided not to take them and I'm on a waiting list for therapy.
I'm a lot better than what I was when I wrote this thread. I was at my lowest. Every day since has still been a struggle with it, some days easier than others but I've been forcing myself to confront the obsessions and not give into the compulsions and for the most time I've won. I'm not out the woods of this relapse but I'm getting there. I can see the light again. I deffo couldn't see any light when I first wrote this.
I've also spoke publicly and open about my problem both with friends and family and that has helped me come to terms with it a lot more and the shame is definitely fading. I've noticed a lot of people don't understand the true extent of how much OCD can affect someone though which can be quite disheartening.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm a lot better than what I was when I wrote this thread. I was at my lowest. Every day since has still been a struggle with it, some days easier than others but I've been forcing myself to confront the obsessions and not give into the compulsions and for the most time I've won. I'm not out the woods of this relapse but I'm getting there. I can see the light again. I deffo couldn't see any light when I first wrote this.
I've also spoke publicly and open about my problem both with friends and family and that has helped me come to terms with it a lot more and the shame is definitely fading. I've noticed a lot of people don't understand the true extent of how much OCD can affect someone though which can be quite disheartening.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I posted in that BBC ocd thread as anon , when I had these repeated behaviours when younger it was through fear of something bad happening if I did not do these things. However, as I stated there I stopped my own OCD through will power. Perhaps yours is a much stronger example , I think at the time I had it as a youngster I told myself if I do not stop now it will only get worse as I get older. I'm not sure at what age yours started but it's clear you are now a young adult maybe a woman in her 20s so it's become almost a habit for you.
The stress of having to do these things was what really pushed me through, I was angry at it and basically told myself, no I do not have to do these things and it worked.
I wonder if something like cbt therapy would work for you. Also I would never do this myself but maybe even some sort of hypnotic therapy. Anyway look for alternatives with your doctor this thing is beatable.
I finally got an urgent referral to a psychologist from my GP for my OCD. The GP I went to yesterday was brilliant. She was not only knowledgeable on the subject but had the perfect level of empathy and friendliness which you need from someone when you open up about this sort of problem. She reassured me that it's nothing more than OCD and I don't have to worry about going crazy or anything, I'm just suffering from a bad OCD and anxiety/panic flare up but she will get me through it.
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