So in my first year of university I lived with 5 guys and 1 other girl who was in a relationship. This was very weird for me as prior to that I didn't know many boys (from going to a girls school and having strict parents). Despite this I didn't view living with boys as a problem as I didn't think anything would happen with any of them. At first this was correct but due to some persuasion and pushing from my fellow housemates I began to like on of them. I tried to ignore my feelings for him for as long as possible as I was always being warned about not getting into a relationship with your housemates. However eventually one night we were out and he confessed his feelings for me. I wasn't that surprised as we had a very flirty relationship anyway and other people had hinted that he liked me. In the end things didn't work out but we continued to have a sort of on/off thing for the rest of the year, in which he often played with my feelings by being very confusing about how he felt about me: saying he liked me one day then chasing after another girl the next day. It all became too much and I eventually told him to stop it. I thought everything was sorted and we decided to live together in our second year.
Second year came about and nothing had changed we were still quite flirty until we both got into separate relationships with other people. Then he started to become very distant, hardly interacting with anyone in the house or any of our friends. He became a completely different person, that I didn't recognise or particularly like. Eventually his girlfriend cheated on him with one of our other friends and they broke up. All of a sudden he remembered that his other friends and me existed. I then broke up with my boyfriend and after Christmas he began a back and fourth with his ex whilst also being very flirty with me and constantly trying to kiss and sleep with me on nights out. This became very tiresome and I decided to keep my distance from him. Well as much as I could living with him, but he was relentless in his advances and I began to like him again.
After exams I finally gave in and we slept together. I didn't expect anything from it but what he did next just confused me. After weeks of insisting that he liked me and flirting and then having sex with me he kissed another girl 3 days later and throughout the rest of the week kept persisting that Monday (the night we slept together) was the only night he was drunk. Obviously this really hurt and I couldn't understand why he was treating me like this. One night we had a big argument just before we left for summer and I told him if we were going to be friends that he needed to leave me alone. He agreed and said he never meant to hurt me and would never hurt me again. Foolishly I believed him, I felt I had to forgive him also as we had a group holiday planned for two weeks time.
I went into the holiday with every intention of keeping my distance from him but he has a hold on me and we slept together on the first night. At first I felt so foolish, like I'd let myself down but he was so nice to me afterwards, different to how he'd been before and we became extremely close on the holiday. On the day before we planned to leave we had a 'talk' about where things were going. I said that we should probably end things before we got back so it wasn't confusing and I thought he would agreed as he had in the past but instead he said that wasn't what he wanted and that he liked me too much. Hearing him say this made me very happy and I realised I did want to see where things went with us so I assumed from then on we were giving things a go.
When we got back from holiday we went on a date and he was all over me on his birthday, we spent the whole day together. But then 2 weeks later my birthday came around and I found out that he was going on holiday with 2 other girls, 1 of with he'd said he was in love with at the beginning of the year and it upset me. From then on he began to withdraw from me and I assumed that things had just fizzled out so I stopped messaging him. Then the day before one of our friends' birthdays he messaged me, I responded vaguely as I was wandering why he wanted to speak to me all of a sudden but I just assumed it was because I was going to see him the next day and he didn't want it to be awkward. The next day at my friends birthday gathering he began acting very flirty again and was all over me. I told him how he'd treated me wasn't right and that I wasn't going to just kiss him again and fall back into the same patterns. He got angry stormed off and then the next morning messaged me explaining that he didn't remember anything and saying that he was sorry if he did or said anything hurtful to me. I forgave him and it seemed like everything was back to normal, we began messaging almost every day and I went to see him at uni the next week to organise my room (as he'd moved in early - we're still living together).
The night I arrived everything was fine and we were acting like a couple, we cuddled on the sofa, laughed and watched a movie. The next day in the morning he seemed fine and we cuddled on the sofa again, then he went out to do something and when he came back he sat in the living room. I went to sit next to him but his phone was there. I reached to move it but he grabbed it quickly, not before I saw the name on the screen of who he was messaging though. It was his ex, who cheated on him and played him. I was so pissed off but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he'd just ignore her but then he received multiple texts from her and kept replying, I saw a long chat history and I got so angry and left the living room and spent the remainder of my time in my room waiting for my taxi to take me to the train station to go back home. He didn't seem to care and didn't ask what was wrong even though he probably knew I saw his messages. Then 10 minutes before my I'm supposed to leave he leaves the house without saying goodbye to me and doesn't even text me to apologise. I felt so upset and stupid. I thought we were giving things a go but he was obviously just playing me. So I stopped speaking to him. Then 3 days later he messages me saying we should talk about things and asks how I feel about 'the whole situation'. I basically say that he's not good for me and has hurt me too much expecting and explanation for his ridiculous behaviour and he says that although I'm great and he likes me, he's still messed up from his previous relationship (which lasted all of 1 month) and hasn't gotten over it. I am so mad at him and I just couldn't accept his excuse. He says he wants us to still be friends but I don't see how that's possible now seeing as we've pretty much been in a relationship for the whole of summer (3 months) and now the week before I'm supposed to go back to uni and live in the same house as him he basically says that he used me.
What should I do? I'm so angry at him and I don't want to be his friend at all, he's hurt me too many times. I said I'd be civil to him but that's it.
Ps Sorry for the essay oops. Congratulations if you read it all!
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Living with an ex!!!! Bad idea??? watch
- Thread Starter
- 15-09-2015 11:58
- 15-09-2015 12:01
Get another room.
- 15-09-2015 12:02
- 15-09-2015 12:04
- 15-09-2015 12:11
Right, first off, WTF is wrong with you? He's BLATANTLY using you. This is obvious from the fact he will talk to you then ignore you for days. You are a fool for sleeping with him and falling for his ****ty flirting at home and on holiday. This is just proving to him that he has you wrapped around his finger, and he can pretty much just flirt with you to get your attention. Despite this, you go to him, only for him to push you away for other girls when he fancies it.
Stop being his fall back option for his ex, or whatever other girls he is chasing. You are better than that. Tell him to **** off and get some self respect for yourself please.
- 15-09-2015 13:44
I'm sorry but you are being an idiot. It's all good and well for you to say 'he's using me, he's treating me badly' blah blah blah. But YOU are the one who continues to sleep with him. YOU are the one continuing to message and forgive him.
There is blame on both sides. STOP making yourself so available to him and being a doormat.
A part of me thinks that when you're back living together the cycle will just continue anyway...