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worried/fed up with my friend watch

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    my friend hasnt been to any of their freshers events and apart from work or shopping they dont socialise much at all. I tried to encourage them to go to events or join societies but they don't seem very interested. I feel like they are completely wasting all the opportunities the uni has to offer, am I mad for thinking this? Your'e paying £9000 for your education and there's so much more available to them other than just their course, surely everyone should be proactive? Right?
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    Each to their own I guess. All you can do is encourage them to join in every now and then but don't too much as they may be perfectly happy as they are
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    Some people enjoy different things. Some people don't like societies and freshers events. There's nothing wrong with people who don't enjoy the same things, it's far healthier to respect their choices than try to encourage them to do things they're not interested in. I had a friend who used to nag at me to go to things and I found him quite tedious after a while.

    I'm sure your friend is happy how they are. Do they seem saddened by the fact that they're not going to these events?
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    (Original post by em211997)
    my friend hasnt been to any of their freshers events and apart from work or shopping they dont socialise much at all. I tried to encourage them to go to events or join societies but they don't seem very interested. I feel like they are completely wasting all the opportunities the uni has to offer, am I mad for thinking this? Your'e paying £9000 for your education and there's so much more available to them other than just their course, surely everyone should be proactive? Right?
    Some people are quite introverted and don't enjoy the prospect of large events with lots of people they don't know. Provided your friend isn't actively unhappy I'd just leave them be. Maybe suggest some low-key things to do together like a cinema trip or a coffee to have a catch-up and see how they're finding uni so far. But being 'fed up' with someone for not going clubbing or to society events when they may be perfectly happy not to is quite strong and judgmental to be honest.
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    It's their own choice. They aren't there to be babied by you. I'd just find someone else who wants to do the stuff and hang with them instead. They are paying for the course so they will do as they see fit.
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    (Original post by Mindspace)
    Each to their own I guess. All you can do is encourage them to join in every now and then but don't too much as they may be perfectly happy as they are
    (Original post by gutenberg)
    Some people are quite introverted and don't enjoy the prospect of large events with lots of people they don't know. Provided your friend isn't actively unhappy I'd just leave them be. Maybe suggest some low-key things to do together like a cinema trip or a coffee to have a catch-up and see how they're finding uni so far. But being 'fed up' with someone for not going clubbing or to society events when they may be perfectly happy not to is quite strong and judgmental to be honest.
    (Original post by melinae)
    It's their own choice. They aren't there to be babied by you. I'd just find someone else who wants to do the stuff and hang with them instead. They are paying for the course so they will do as they see fit.
    Thanks for the posts guys (were not going to the same uni btw). Im not talking about clubbing at all, I've never been clubbing myself, they have ironically, I just meant to put themselves out there a bit more, maybe go out of their comfort zone to make new friends. One of their uni events was at thorpe park and there not going! and its free with the wristband!
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    (Original post by gutenberg)
    Some people are quite introverted and don't enjoy the prospect of large events with lots of people they don't know. Provided your friend isn't actively unhappy I'd just leave them be. Maybe suggest some low-key things to do together like a cinema trip or a coffee to have a catch-up and see how they're finding uni so far. But being 'fed up' with someone for not going clubbing or to society events when they may be perfectly happy not to is quite strong and judgmental to be honest.
    you dont know this person they will complain and regret it after some people need to be pushed and encouraged. Youre right though I have no interest in trying to make an effort with those who don't want to be helped. I'm living out so I doubt well meet up much.
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    (Original post by melinae)
    It's their own choice. They aren't there to be babied by you. I'd just find someone else who wants to do the stuff and hang with them instead. They are paying for the course so they will do as they see fit.
    but theres so much else to do in uni! is going to your course and going home really worth the money? What happened to making the most of the experience, for freshers week at least.
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    (Original post by em211997)
    you dont know this person they will complain and regret it after some people need to be pushed and encouraged. Youre right though I have no interest in trying to make an effort with those who don't want to be helped. I'm living out so I doubt well meet up much.
    Well if they regret it afterwards that's their problem, not yours. The regret may help them to push themselves to go the next time, ultimately. And I understand your frustration, but part of uni for this person will be learning to put themselves out there a bit more, but they don't have to do it immediately, and all at once. Have you started classes yet? Once they've got themselves into a routine they may be more willing to join in with things.
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    (Original post by gutenberg)
    Well if they regret it afterwards that's their problem, not yours. The regret may help them to push themselves to go the next time, ultimately. And I understand your frustration, but part of uni for this person will be learning to put themselves out there a bit more, but they don't have to do it immediately, and all at once. Have you started classes yet? Once they've got themselves into a routine they may be more willing to join in with things.
    thats really true. Its difficult because they try to make their problems my own! thanks this is a perfect reply. and i move out on saturday
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    (Original post by em211997)
    thats really true. Its difficult because they try to make their problems my own! thanks this is a perfect reply. and i move out on saturday
    Yes I can imagine, and the person sounds a bit different to what I think I (and other posters) originally thought, if they are complaining about not participating after the fact But they could still be very shy even if they regret not going to things afterwards, and effectively cursing their shyness for holding them back! When I first went to uni I was a bit overwhelmed by freshers and all the things going on, but once classes started I found it much easier to make friends compared with the huge and slightly frantic nature of freshers events. So see what happens for your friend, and yourself. Best of luck!
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    (Original post by gutenberg)
    Yes I can imagine, and the person sounds a bit different to what I think I (and other posters) originally thought, if they are complaining about not participating after the fact But they could still be very shy even if they regret not going to things afterwards, and effectively cursing their shyness for holding them back! When I first went to uni I was a bit overwhelmed by freshers and all the things going on, but once classes started I found it much easier to make friends compared with the huge and slightly frantic nature of freshers events. So see what happens for your friend, and yourself. Best of luck!
    Thanks I'm very excited! Of course I'm nervous but I'm just trying to keep in mind that all freshers are in the same boat any tips?
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    (Original post by em211997)
    Thanks I'm very excited! Of course I'm nervous but I'm just trying to keep in mind that all freshers are in the same boat any tips?
    I don't have many particular tips honestly, apart from being open and friendly with people. Most of my friends were made through attending classes together, especially the small-group seminars. After one or two classes if you feel you're hitting it off with some people, suggesting coffee or lunch together can be a good way of starting to spend more time with people outside of class specifically. If you're beside people in lectures, chatting with them about the class or whatever can help break the ice. Join any clubs or societies that interest you, but be realistic as well - more than likely you'll only have time for a few, depending on how 'demanding' time-wise they are. As you said, know that practically everyone will be nervous and hoping to make friends, and don't expect to make new best friends over a few days: good relationships take time! But be open to suggestions and offers to spend time with people you like - you know how to make friends really, just don't overthink things
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    (Original post by em211997)
    my friend hasnt been to any of their freshers events and apart from work or shopping they dont socialise much at all. I tried to encourage them to go to events or join societies but they don't seem very interested. I feel like they are completely wasting all the opportunities the uni has to offer, am I mad for thinking this? Your'e paying £9000 for your education and there's so much more available to them other than just their course, surely everyone should be proactive? Right?
    Yeah they are paying £9000 for their education, but that education doesn't include freshers. Like some people have said, it is each to their own. Some people do go out during freshers and others don't - yeah, it's sad that they don't feel like they want to go out but it's really nice to know that you have been trying with them - that's always the important part. However, you can only do so much! It would benefit them if they did join some of the freshers events and socialise, they'll meet people on and off their course and have a good time doing so, however, it may just not be them unfortunately!
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    (Original post by gutenberg)
    I don't have many particular tips honestly, apart from being open and friendly with people. Most of my friends were made through attending classes together, especially the small-group seminars. After one or two classes if you feel you're hitting it off with some people, suggesting coffee or lunch together can be a good way of starting to spend more time with people outside of class specifically. If you're beside people in lectures, chatting with them about the class or whatever can help break the ice. Join any clubs or societies that interest you, but be realistic as well - more than likely you'll only have time for a few, depending on how 'demanding' time-wise they are. As you said, know that practically everyone will be nervous and hoping to make friends, and don't expect to make new best friends over a few days: good relationships take time! But be open to suggestions and offers to spend time with people you like - you know how to make friends really, just don't overthink things
    Thank you. I'll definitely just go with the flow.

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    (Original post by em211997)
    my friend hasnt been to any of their freshers events and apart from work or shopping they dont socialise much at all. I tried to encourage them to go to events or join societies but they don't seem very interested. I feel like they are completely wasting all the opportunities the uni has to offer, am I mad for thinking this? Your'e paying £9000 for your education and there's so much more available to them other than just their course, surely everyone should be proactive? Right?
    I'm like your friend tbh. I don't really like going out and partying, or drinking at all. I'm a bit of an introvert also.

    If I could pass some advise to you, it would be to support your friend and if you are close enough to go out and DO things, maybe even go to an event near them with you two and help them meet someone that would be great for them.
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    (Original post by JoshDawg)
    I'm like your friend tbh. I don't really like going out and partying, or drinking at all. I'm a bit of an introvert also.

    If I could pass some advise to you, it would be to support your friend and if you are close enough to go out and DO things, maybe even go to an event near them with you two and help them meet someone that would be great for them.
    I dont think youve read my other posts but oh well I'll repeat. It's not about being an introvert, I know how this person is, a few months down the line they'll be complaining about something or other and regretting not putting themselves out there (especially because they want to be in a relationship). We're not going to the same uni and I'm moving away so it's not up to me to go make friends for them tbh. I can only advise them if they don't take it then tough, it's frustrating seeing a friend not making the most of uni but at the end of the day, I have to get on with my life and make the best decisions for myself.
 
 
 
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