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Nobody wants to go out with me and I just don't know why watch

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    #1

    Hello,

    I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
    Thanks TSR x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,

    I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
    Thanks TSR x
    time to start lowering your standards op.
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    Join online dating sites and develop a profile. Be as confident as you can be. You could join clubs that you enjoy and meet interesting people their.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,

    I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
    Thanks TSR x
    This is exactly my situation, but I'm a guy lol. Where do you study ?
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    (Original post by conroy26)
    time to start lowering your standards op.
    No, I'm not doing that and I think that is very bad advice to suggest that I should go out with someone that I don't like. I have fair enough standards and I'm not just going out with any old mish mash and I have explicitly said this in my post.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is exactly my situation, but I'm a guy lol. Where do you study ?
    I find that quite surprising that this is happening to you as a guy! I thought it was just guys that wanted sex and girls were more keen on relationships haha! I'm at bham. How about you?
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    You're probs not attractive enough for the guys you like
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find that quite surprising that this is happening to you as a guy! I thought it was just guys that wanted sex and girls were more keen on relationships haha! I'm at bham. How about you?
    Loool. Yeah I get told that a lot by my guy friends, that I'm too soft, like wtf. I don't think im 'soft' at all, just coz i want someone to love ? Pfft. :/

    I study in Bristol.
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    (Original post by tootles44)
    You're probs not attractive enough for the guys you like
    Well I'm pretty sure that's not true I'm afraid. I know I'm attractive
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    Same boat but have accepted nothing will ever happen
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I'm pretty sure that's not true I'm afraid. I know I'm attractive
    Then why don't the attractive guys that you like wanna go out with you?

    You're 23 and you socialise a lot (your words). Think about it

    Also I said attractive enough
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I'm pretty sure that's not true I'm afraid. I know I'm attractive
    Self esteem attack number 1 deflected, well done OP
    To be honest, you've said it yourself. A good number (not all) of the guys you meet in a club will be more interested in sex than starting a proper relationship. Is it possible you can attend more societies? Guys you meet in societies where you do activities revolving around shared interests would be more likely to be people you can get on with and form a relationship with. Perhaps trying to meet more people who are doing your course as well could help?
    • #1
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    (Original post by tootles44)
    Then why don't the attractive guys that you like wanna go out with you?

    You're 23 and you socialise a lot (your words). Think about it

    Also I said attractive enough
    Well that's why I'm asking!! Look, without being conceited I know that I'm not fancying guys that are above my level. It's definitely not that. I am good looking and the guys that I have been messaging that keep going on about sex are not out of my league. If anything, I would say most of them are not as attractive looking as myself.
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    See if you can get some insight and advice from your friends. It seems unusual if guys outside perhaps a club environment would be so overtly sexual. This said it is usually on the mind when you find someone attractive. Perhaps be more girl next door like in dress and flirting style.
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    (Original post by LemonFish)
    Self esteem attack number 1 deflected, well done OP
    To be honest, you've said it yourself. A good number (not all) of the guys you meet in a club will be more interested in sex than starting a proper relationship. Is it possible you can attend more societies? Guys you meet in societies where you do activities revolving around shared interests would be more likely to be people you can get on with and form a relationship with. Perhaps trying to meet more people who are doing your course as well could help?
    Thank you! I think this is good advice. And I do agree about the club thing. Guys are generally going to them with one thing in mind, so I guess they would just have one thing in mind with the girls they meet there ...
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    Steer clear of the clubs/pubs for potential dating then if it's not working thus far.

    Maybe try meeting people at socials? if someone has a shared interest makes it easier to start off on that basis and you can see them on a regular basis.

    As you said you know you're attractive so you should have no problem..eventually

    You're only 23 so it's not the end of the world..I find the more you seek out relationships is the worse the situation seems...take it easy maybe join a dating site if you feel it's for you? Go out with mates, have fun etc log in once a week or something and see if anyone takes your fancy.

    If you're looking pretty much 24/7 it will just get you even more down when nothing happens.

    Maybe there's some goals you want to achieve? If you work on your self development and be the best you can be it will make you more attractive especially to the type of guys you want to date.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,

    I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
    Thanks TSR x
    you'll find someone hun - concentrate on yourself, and someone will love that good luck x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought it was just guys that wanted sex and girls were more keen on relationships haha!
    That's not quite how it err... um...

    no.
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    Perhaps you're shutting guys out too soon because you think all they want is sex? Or maybe you seem a bit approachable? I tried to stay single for as long as possible but it didn't last. Sometimes you just fall into it. It'll happen. Just a matter of right time, right place, right attitude.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,

    I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
    Thanks TSR x
    Hey,

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down about this. I'm not trying to tell you not to feel concerned as I spent most of my adolescent years lonely, isolated, and feeling as you did. At the moment, I'm with somebody I think is the perfect person for me. It took ages, and being involved in all sorts of circles. I know being single can be truly terrible. But I'd remind you that you only need to get dating right once! Sport is great, but from my experience (I'm an avid sportsperson myself) sporting culture predominantly attracts those who are primarily concerned with casual sex, rather than relationships. I think it's ingrained in the culture. So maybe you'd like to try some different circles? I'd also ardently argue that clubs and bars feature precisely the same sort of group, and purpose - sex first, and relationships second. I am certain there's nothing wrong with you.

    Maybe try online dating? I know there's a stigma against it, but if you're looking to widen your circles this seems a good way of doing so. It sounds like you're sociable and affable, so I'm sure once you put yourself in situations designed for intimate conversation and proper dating, you'll find someone.

    I hope that was helpful, and that I didn't completely misunderstand your situation.
 
 
 
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