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A Levels and Uni Applications with mental illness? watch

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    hi
    i was wondering if anyone had any advice for those of us studying a levels and writing ucas applications who suffer from mental illnesses, such as myself, as in how to cope with all the work and pressure?
    in my first year, i studied 3 science subjects (chemistry, physics and maths) and Philosophy and Ethics. By the end of the year, my mental health had worsened to the point where I, to put it bluntly, tried to kill myself on three separate occasions.
    because the last time my mum found out about my illness, she disregarded it after a month and treated me no differently, I felt i couldnt discuss my issues with her, and my doctor seemed to think that if i want help, i have to go and find it myself, but when I rang the number for the councellor he gave me, they said they would call me back, but they never did, so i figured they didnt really care.
    this year, even though ive now dropped philosophy, my 3 sciences are now so intense, I can barely keep up. Ive tried asking for help for them, as well as for writing my personal statement, but all my teachers keep telling me is that i need to focus and work on my independent study more.
    but the thing is, when i try to study at home, or anywhere outside of school, i cant do it. i procrastinate for fear of failure, and it makes me feel even worse that im not trying because that means a definite fail, but i can't find the motivation to do anything unless someone is stood there making me do it. the only reason i get up in the morning these days is because i fear the consequences if i dont.
    i would ordinarily talk to my friends about this, but i feel like they've cut me out, and i dont belong with them anymore. i would be surprised if they knew how i felt. they think smoking is the cure to stress, but i cant put myself through that, knowing what it does to me.
    seems rather hypocritical though, considering how little i actually care for my life, that i dont smoke because it harms your body.

    i dont know who else to talk to, and ive seen a few threads on here around the topic, and people seemed overall quite helpful. i just need something, some method that i can put myself through to get me through this, thanks
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    are you getting support from your college? like pastoral support?
 
 
 
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