Should I be feeling guilty?

OK I'm feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. Me and my boyfriend have been goin though abit of a rough patch but when I went out at the weekend I ended up being kissed by a couple of lads and never felt guilty about it, I never really pushed them away. They were quite drunk and I was tipsy but I knew 100% what I was doing, I don't blame the alcohol on my part. One of my friends kept "reminding" me I had a boyfriend and to calm things down/behave, I just told her I was behaving myself.

I really don't feel bad, I know it was only a kiss but in the past I've seen kissing as a small part of cheating and I know my boyfriend see's it as cheating.

I think part of it is because he has never/will never come clubbing with me so I don't need to hold back as he will never see that side of me.

I'm just thinking more then ever that maybe I'm not ment to be with my boyfriend, with the rough patch and everything, guess I'll see one day.

Also one of the boys I kissed I will be working with in easter and summer. I don't need difficulties betwen us already LOL

Reply 1

Jelkin

17

You clearly don't care that much about your boyfriend and should break up with him.

Reply 2

Angrybanana

11

yeah, you should.

Reply 3

Scarlett_Jewel

1

Rubbish. Utter twoddle.

There's no need to break up with him - everyone has their unique set of morals. No one on here can tell you how you feel about him. Certainly, in some situations pulling other people can be an indicator that you're not entirely content with your boyfriend, but at the end of the day, I don't know about you, but I love lots of different things about lots of different people, and my boyfriend, as amazing as he is, isn't 'lots of different people', so there will always be that attraction to other people simply for exerting traits which I find attractive that my boyfriend may not possess.

This doesn't mean I love him any less.

I suspect you're not feeling guilty because you feel fairly certain your bf won't find out. I know in your situation I would feel worse about hurting him than committing the act.

Don't dwell too much on it and don't bring this up with him in an argument just to hurt him. If you eventually feel like you 'have to tell him' then that's up to you but from one morally dubious person to another, (by TSR's standards, anyway) just forget about it and focus on your boy for the meanwhile.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I really really sympathise. While I wasn't really having a "rough patch" with my bf, things weren't ideal and a couple of weeks back I ended up kissing someone else. It made me question the whole relationship - although I had had opportunities before, I'd never taken them because I still loved him, and this has made me realise that things have come to a natural close. I know I have to tell him and it's one of the scariest things I have ever faced.

You need to give yourself some time and space to think about what it meant to you and to your relationship. Don't feel pressured to act immediately, but you need to make some sort of decision soon.

Reply 5

Jennybean

13

Scarlett_Jewel

Rubbish. Utter twoddle.

There's no need to break up with him - everyone has their unique set of morals. No one on here can tell you how you feel about him. Certainly, in some situations pulling other people can be an indicator that you're not entirely content with your boyfriend, but at the end of the day, I don't know about you, but I love lots of different things about lots of different people, and my boyfriend, as amazing as he is, isn't 'lots of different people', so there will always be that attraction to other people simply for exerting traits which I find attractive that my boyfriend may not possess.

This doesn't mean I love him any less.

I disagree that it's rubbish - you may disagree with their ideas and have a valid viewpoint but that doesn't mean Jelkin et al are talking rubbish. I have bolded what I see to be a bit of a contradiction in terms and the flaw in your argument. I see that you were pointing out that different couples have their own ideas about what constitutes cheating but surely if two people within a couple have conflicting ideas this presents problems and if the OP's boyfriend considers kissing to be cheating, and she knows that, then she has a moral obligation to tell him that she cheated on him. It would be different if they both considered a bit of a kiss with someone else to be acceptable within a relationship alright, but that's not the case.

Also I completely agree with your statement that you can't expect one person to fulfil all the criteria you consider to be attractive, but that doesn't mean you can use it as an excuse to go around kissing people when you're in an exclusive relationship, and even less so if you know full well it would hurt your partner. Finding other people attractive and acting upon those impulses are totally different things - one is completely natural and for the most part unavoidable and largely harmless, the second is just a lack of control and the ability to act in a morally acceptable way and can be devastating to someone who cares about you.

OP I think if you are seriously not feeling guilty about doing something you know would hurt your partner you should end the relationship. He'll be hurt but perhaps less so if you tell him you have been with other people, seemingly without remorse and certainly less than if you drag it out and continue to cheat on him. Who knows, perhaps if you end it you'll realise you do care about him after all and if you're lucky you'll win him back.

Reply 6

bunthulhu

14

You should feel very guilty. You should also tell your boyfriend.

Surely you realise the fact that you did something which would greatly upset your boyfriend but you don't care at all, shows that there is something very wrong with your relationship.

Reply 7

Jelkin

17

^ Ditto. I've been in the situation of cheating on my other half and not feeling guilty, and it made me realise there was something really wrong and that I didn't care that much about my partner. If you really cared, you'd feel bad about doing something to hurt your boyfriend's feelings, whether or not you regard the act itself as wrong.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

I guess it says alot. I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend or not really. Like I said before we are goin though a rough patch but I think it's more drawing to an end rather then getting better. I'm ment to be seeing him next week so I have till then. I couldn't say anything like this over the phone (we are in a LDR)

I know he should know and I don't deserve him at all now and someone could make him much happier and be more respectful to him. I guess our different lives are catching up on us (uni student young and carefree compared to full time employee in management position who loves and dedicates himself to a job and impressing the boss)

End of an old era and time for a new maybe?

Should I be feeling guilty?

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