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In a Relationship (I Love Her) but I am Unhappy watch

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    This has been my first relationship. I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I am going to university at the end of the week.

    She is brilliant. Emotionally supportive, my best friend and a great person. We have so much in common for example music, our political views, interests e.g. reading/ education reform I'm worried I am making a massive mistake and no one will connect on such a level.

    But, I don't think it's going to work in the long term and I've just had this niggling feeling for the past few months that I just want it to end. We are heading in completely different directions in life. I just don't feel happy when we do relationship type stuff but when we do friend type stuff I feel really relaxed and happy.

    She has habits that annoy me, she is too indecisive which super irritates me and I just want an opportunity to meet new people and see new things (first relationship so I'm not sure if I'm holding myself back). I cannot see it in the long term (we have massive differences of views for things like marriage, children ). I'm worried these are overly exaggerated and I will regret this.

    I've talked to her about what upsets me and she's taken it on board like a champ but it's like a never ending cycle. I think it makes it worse because she is such a positive person and respects what I am upset about but they are ingrained parts of her personality that it's too hard for her to change and moreover I don't want her to change just for me.

    I want to break it off but I'm worried I'm making a massive mistake. I want her in my life but as a friend. Any advice?

    No trolls please. Thanks
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    Break up with her if she's going to a different uni than you, what's the point in having a relationship if it's not going to last much longer anyway
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This has been my first relationship. I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I am going to university at the end of the week.

    She is brilliant. Emotionally supportive, my best friend and a great person. We have so much in common for example music, our political views, interests e.g. reading/ education reform I'm worried I am making a massive mistake and no one will connect on such a level.

    But, I don't think it's going to work in the long term and I've just had this niggling feeling for the past few months that I just want it to end. We are heading in completely different directions in life. I just don't feel happy when we do relationship type stuff but when we do friend type stuff I feel really relaxed and happy.

    She has habits that annoy me, she is too indecisive which super irritates me and I just want an opportunity to meet new people and see new things (first relationship so I'm not sure if I'm holding myself back). I cannot see it in the long term (we have massive differences of views for things like marriage, children ). I'm worried these are overly exaggerated and I will regret this.

    I've talked to her about what upsets me and she's taken it on board like a champ but it's like a never ending cycle. I think it makes it worse because she is such a positive person and respects what I am upset about but they are ingrained parts of her personality that it's too hard for her to change and moreover I don't want her to change just for me.

    I want to break it off but I'm worried I'm making a massive mistake. I want her in my life but as a friend. Any advice?

    No trolls please. Thanks
    Why don't you take a break and decide whether she's right for you after a month or something. You will have started uni and as things settle down again you'll know if you want her in your life or not.

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    Man, you're what, 18? Don't worry about marriage and kids yet, see if you can get through university and then re access. It's a big IF though.
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    (Original post by Will98765)
    Break up with her if she's going to a different uni than you, what's the point in having a relationship if it's not going to last much longer anyway
    She's not going to university she's working so has more time to come down and visit and stuff. I'm worried that I am stringing her along.
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    Maybe take a short break and see how things go?
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    (Original post by annarchy.)
    Why don't you take a break and decide whether she's right for you after a month or something. You will have started uni and as things settle down again you'll know if you want her in your life or not.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I was thinking of that But then the problem is I feel unhappy and feel like I'm stringing her along. Should I tell her I want to break it off but a short term break may be in order so we can think things through? Or not give the reason for the break?
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    (Original post by JBlad)
    Maybe take a short break and see how things go?
    If I took a break, how long would you recommend? Would I be able to pursue other relationships or?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was thinking of that But then the problem is I feel unhappy and feel like I'm stringing her along. Should I tell her I want to break it off but a short term break may be in order so we can think things through? Or not give the reason for the break?
    Do give her a reason for it! You do seem to be going in completely different directions- you're bound to meet a lot of people at university, whilst she's working. I'd recommend defining what you mean by a break though, because you don't want to hurt her, even though you're essentially breaking up.
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    (Original post by vg21)
    Do give her a reason for it! You do seem to be going in completely different directions- you're bound to meet a lot of people at university, whilst she's working. I'd recommend defining what you mean by a break though, because you don't want to hurt her, even though you're essentially breaking up.
    I think that's my biggest thing, I don't want to hurt her really and if it is essentially a break up shall I just do it properly from the start rather than doing two mini ones? What can you can/ not do when on a break?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think that's my biggest thing, I don't want to hurt her really and if it is essentially a break up shall I just do it properly from the start rather than doing two mini ones? What can you can/ not do when on a break?
    In terms of what you can/can't do it's up to you- do you think this is something that's come up because you're moving away, or was this dissatisfaction there before that? Because it might be better to just break up without the possibility of cheating if you know what I mean. I don't imagine she would be happy to approve 'sleeping with other people' as part of the break!

    Again, you do say that you love her..are you happy to have a break without seeing other people?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If I took a break, how long would you recommend? Would I be able to pursue other relationships or?
    Up to what you and her discuss and feel comfortable with, I would stay away from relationships for at least a month and then see how you feel, I wouldn't actively persue relationships but allow yourself to meet other girls and see how things grow and how you feel, then talk to her about how its been for her, just remember her feelings too but you seem a top gent
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    (Original post by vg21)
    In terms of what you can/can't do it's up to you- do you think this is something that's come up because you're moving away, or was this dissatisfaction there before that? Because it might be better to just break up without the possibility of cheating if you know what I mean. I don't imagine she would be happy to approve 'sleeping with other people' as part of the break!

    Again, you do say that you love her..are you happy to have a break without seeing other people?
    There was dissatisfaction before but I think it was ignored because I was in sixth form and they were full of tossers so I didn't really fancy anyone else. Now there is the prospect if meeting new people and feeling held back It's also because I feel like I want to a new start and she deserves the respect of me telling her the truth.

    I'm sorry for all the questions. You're very helpful thank you
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    (Original post by JBlad)
    Up to what you and her discuss and feel comfortable with, I would stay away from relationships for at least a month and then see how you feel, I wouldn't actively persue relationships but allow yourself to meet other girls and see how things grow and how you feel, then talk to her about how its been for her, just remember her feelings too but you seem a top gent
    I definitely was planning to stay away from relationships and see how it goes But if I feel more free and relaxed then I can break it off completely I suppose. Or she might break it off too which is a possibility I'm almost hoping for.
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    Hi,

    Just before I started uni I had the same feelings and then couldn't help but notice all the other good looking guys (I'm a girl) at uni and felt unhappy and restricted, but then I did actually break up with my boyfriend and it felt like the most painful thing in the world, I felt physically sick and the next day I begged him to take me back and now we're happier than ever and I realised that those other guys at uni aren't even that great haha.

    So maybe you'll have the same realisation once you break up with her. Sometimes that can make people closer if they do take up the relationship again.

    Good luck
 
 
 
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