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I hate it when my boyfriend goes out without me watch

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    First things first, I have complete trust in my boyfriend and know he would never cheat on me. He doesn't go out a hell of a lot, and we spend most of our time together. I like his friends - I was friends with them myself before I even knew him. Yet it bothers me so much when he goes out and does stuff without me, whether it's going to the pub, out clubbing, or even if a group of his friends are hanging out over someone's house.

    I sometimes think the reason is because 80% of his friends are heavy smokers, and he used to smoke quite heavily himself, plus they're quite big on smoking weed (my boyfriend also does it occasionally) and I've never been too fond of that. On the other hand though, if he went out with a different group of friends I'm fairly sure I'd feel the same.

    I've never told him not to go out, and never would. In fact, I have the opportunity to go out with him 90% of the time because like I said, we have the same friends. I don't always do so because he needs to spend time without me sometimes, and just with friends. I can get a bit moody and distant with him when I know he's due to be going out, and I really piss myself of with that. As I said though, I'd never even think about 'disallowing' him to do anything.

    I know it's dumb and paranoid and I need to get over it e.t.c. but I can't stop myself, and with fresher's coming up I'm really concerned about what that will do to me. I'll be going out for fresher's as well, but even when I'm out with my friends while he's out with his, I still spend a lot of the night thinking about him. I just can't figure out what it is that makes me hate it so much, and it's a **** feeling. Basically, I just want advice on how to not be such a paranoid *******.

    Any advice would be very well appreciated, thank you!
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    You say you trust him, but you don't like him going out without you. That just makes it sound like you don't trust him to behave... As for advice, I don't know what you want to hear if you don't know what you're paranoid about.

    I'll be honest, I could never be with a guy who got annoyed when I went out or wanted to be with friends.
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    He's veeeery shy, we've been together 2 years, we're each others' first loves, he's never hooked up with a randomer while single e.t.c. so it's not a case of me not trusting him to behave, believe me. And like I said, I don't get annoyed (certainly not at him), it just plays on my mind throughout the night.
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    Do you really trust him? It sounds like you added that disclaimer to your post but don't really believe it. Perhaps because while others would have asked you from the thread title, it may also be playing on your mind too. You may think "I have no reason not to trust him, this is irrational" but part of figuring out a solution to a problem is admitting there is one. If you have trust issues with him, or because of past experiences, better to admit that to yourself now so you can move forward to tackling the issue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First things first, I have complete trust in my boyfriend and know he would never cheat on me. He doesn't go out a hell of a lot, and we spend most of our time together. I like his friends - I was friends with them myself before I even knew him. Yet it bothers me so much when he goes out and does stuff without me, whether it's going to the pub, out clubbing, or even if a group of his friends are hanging out over someone's house.

    I sometimes think the reason is because 80% of his friends are heavy smokers, and he used to smoke quite heavily himself, plus they're quite big on smoking weed (my boyfriend also does it occasionally) and I've never been too fond of that. On the other hand though, if he went out with a different group of friends I'm fairly sure I'd feel the same.

    I've never told him not to go out, and never would. In fact, I have the opportunity to go out with him 90% of the time because like I said, we have the same friends. I don't always do so because he needs to spend time without me sometimes, and just with friends. I can get a bit moody and distant with him when I know he's due to be going out, and I really piss myself of with that. As I said though, I'd never even think about 'disallowing' him to do anything.

    I know it's dumb and paranoid and I need to get over it e.t.c. but I can't stop myself, and with fresher's coming up I'm really concerned about what that will do to me. I'll be going out for fresher's as well, but even when I'm out with my friends while he's out with his, I still spend a lot of the night thinking about him. I just can't figure out what it is that makes me hate it so much, and it's a **** feeling. Basically, I just want advice on how to not be such a paranoid *******.

    Any advice would be very well appreciated, thank you!
    You say you trust him yet you hate him going out without him, sorry but he is allowed to have a life still, long as he is not cheating or anything then he is allowed to have a social life, sorry to sound harsh but you don't own him. If you are not careful he will end up resenting you. I think it sounds like you are dependent on him, have you not got your own circle of friends? The other alternative is that if you don't like it then end it.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First things first, I have complete trust in my boyfriend and know he would never cheat on me. He doesn't go out a hell of a lot, and we spend most of our time together. I like his friends - I was friends with them myself before I even knew him. Yet it bothers me so much when he goes out and does stuff without me, whether it's going to the pub, out clubbing, or even if a group of his friends are hanging out over someone's house.

    I sometimes think the reason is because 80% of his friends are heavy smokers, and he used to smoke quite heavily himself, plus they're quite big on smoking weed (my boyfriend also does it occasionally) and I've never been too fond of that. On the other hand though, if he went out with a different group of friends I'm fairly sure I'd feel the same.

    I've never told him not to go out, and never would. In fact, I have the opportunity to go out with him 90% of the time because like I said, we have the same friends. I don't always do so because he needs to spend time without me sometimes, and just with friends. I can get a bit moody and distant with him when I know he's due to be going out, and I really piss myself of with that. As I said though, I'd never even think about 'disallowing' him to do anything.

    I know it's dumb and paranoid and I need to get over it e.t.c. but I can't stop myself, and with fresher's coming up I'm really concerned about what that will do to me. I'll be going out for fresher's as well, but even when I'm out with my friends while he's out with his, I still spend a lot of the night thinking about him. I just can't figure out what it is that makes me hate it so much, and it's a **** feeling. Basically, I just want advice on how to not be such a paranoid *******.

    Any advice would be very well appreciated, thank you!
    you need to go chat with your doctor, ur suffering with a bad case of anxiety, I know exactly too well those feelings u describe. and no matter what way u try to resolve those feelings and u promise urself u will stop it and snap out of it but before u know it ur back feeling unwell and heart racing and its playing on ur mind like a washing machine on full spin,, maybe a course of something for anxiety or something to help lift ur spirit, it could help, plus over all ur whole argument is very fair ur views and boundaries with ur partner, there is nothing to fault with how u treat him, but the feeling lies in ur own mind that u battle with , hope things sort themselves out. but don't rule out that chat with ur doctor or lady doctor, good luck
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    You sound quite possessive and paranoid. If trust him, let him go ou and don't get worked up about it. Simples.
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    If you keep up like that he will end up purchasing a sex bot and you will lose him forever
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    Too clingy.
 
 
 
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