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Fear of letting someone into my life watch

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    How do I overcome this fear?

    If you knew me, you'd be pretty surprised because I come across as outgoing but really I find it hard to trust humans, I find it hard to let people into my inner self. I believe that deep down, we're such selfish animals it's not worth it.

    Now, some may say 'it's fear of rejection and I need to get out there more' but it's not. Because if I find a girl tomorrow who wanted to be with me/date I'd probably be more scared of what would happen than if she rejected me. Having to share something with someone is so foreign to me, I've never had to consider anyone other than myself.

    I have one close friend in my life and a load of other people I just get drunk with. Heck, now that uni is over and I've moved to a completely foreign area for work, I have nothing. I'm building from scratch, again. I moved 4 times between 10 and 21 so maybe that's impacted my ability to develop strong, meaningful connections.

    But I know this isn't a healthy way to go about life. I don't want to end up rich, alone and miserable. Any ideas on how I can change this?

    I could jump into a relationship tomorrow, but I don't think it's right to treat a girl like a guinea pig.

    Thanks for your advice.
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    I wish I knew too. I can empathise with you. My fear is not so much they're going to hurt me, but that I will inevitably hurt them and eventually they will resent ever being with me.
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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    I wish I knew too. I can empathise with you. My fear is not so much they're going to hurt me, but that I will inevitably hurt them and eventually they will resent ever being with me.
    It's so hard. I love turning my phone off and not having people text me for periods. I like being alone every now and then but I also love being drunk as hell and doing mad things at parties.

    I'm just not sure I'd hack a relationship where girls seem to want more and more commitment and attention, especially now that my youth is arguably over.

    I need to change soon though because so many girls will start going off the market and never come back onto it so if I want more than just sex every now and then, I'm gonna have to learn to trust and maybe take a punt on something so foreign t me.
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    (Original post by zeldusone)
    It's so hard. I love turning my phone off and not having people text me for periods. I like being alone every now and then but I also love being drunk as hell and doing mad things at parties.

    I'm just not sure I'd hack a relationship where girls seem to want more and more commitment and attention, especially now that my youth is arguably over.

    I need to change soon though because so many girls will start going off the market and never come back onto it so if I want more than just sex every now and then, I'm gonna have to learn to trust and maybe take a punt on something so foreign t me.
    Agreed, but obviously it's hard.

    What is it about people you don't trust? That they're eventually going to cheat or what?
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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    Agreed, but obviously it's hard.

    What is it about people you don't trust? That they're eventually going to cheat or what?
    Not even the cheating. Tbh, sex is just a physical act tbh, it's the emotion which to me makes it amazing.

    It's more of you telling someone that they're really important in your life and they can then do what they want with that. They know that if they leave you, they can crush you. Then what are you left with? Emotions all over the place isn't great for a career professional.

    But at the same time, no risks, no gains. I wouldn't say I'm overly satisfied being single but I'd want a relationship which grows very slowly. Maybe I've answered my own concerns but I'm still worried.
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    (Original post by zeldusone)
    Not even the cheating. Tbh, sex is just a physical act tbh, it's the emotion which to me makes it amazing.

    It's more of you telling someone that they're really important in your life and they can then do what they want with that. They know that if they leave you, they can crush you. Then what are you left with? Emotions all over the place isn't great for a career professional.

    But at the same time, no risks, no gains. I wouldn't say I'm overly satisfied being single but I'd want a relationship which grows very slowly. Maybe I've answered my own concerns but I'm still worried.
    I totally understand that. I think you just have to try, evaluate when you meet that 'someone' whether they're worth it and go from there. It takes a lot of trust to let someone have 'you' in a relationship, and that's a daunting prospect especially when you observe how people who used to be in love treat each other when they break up for whatever reason.

    My worry is that I'm pretty cold and in a relationship I know I'd be expected to be more affectionate, and if I can't give them that, they'll probably feel starved of attention and love even if I really do love them, I just might not be able to show it all the time.
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    It feels like I wrote this question... I'm the same way. No offence, but maybe you have a personality disorder? Sounds like schizoid.

    http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.Vfnlwt9Viko
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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    I totally understand that. I think you just have to try, evaluate when you meet that 'someone' whether they're worth it and go from there. It takes a lot of trust to let someone have 'you' in a relationship, and that's a daunting prospect especially when you observe how people who used to be in love treat each other when they break up for whatever reason.

    My worry is that I'm pretty cold and in a relationship I know I'd be expected to be more affectionate, and if I can't give them that, they'll probably feel starved of attention and love even if I really do love them, I just might not be able to show it all the time.
    I think people start maturing more after 21, so I might give it a go. Most breakups happen when still quite young as you're still essentially kids with your lives in front of you. I personally don't want to be tainted by falling in love with someone and then breaking up, it's that fear which is scary. Investing all that emotion in a being only for it to eventually mean nothing.

    I feel girls can bind their time better with my sort of outlook, with me, girls have so many options, they won't bother giving you 'time', they'll just feel I'm not serious about wanting them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It feels like I wrote this question... I'm the same way. No offence, but maybe you have a personality disorder? Sounds like schizoid.

    http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.Vfnlwt9Viko
    Thanks for this but I know I don't have a personality disorder. I generally like being around people but my philosophy makes it difficult to make really personal moves.
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    there is no garuntees in life. No one can say it will be alright with total certainty.

    Everythings a chance. It may work or it may not. But you wont know unless you actually take that chance
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    (Original post by zeldusone)
    I think people start maturing more after 21, so I might give it a go. Most breakups happen when still quite young as you're still essentially kids with your lives in front of you. I personally don't want to be tainted by falling in love with someone and then breaking up, it's that fear which is scary. Investing all that emotion in a being only for it to eventually mean nothing.

    I feel girls can bind their time better with my sort of outlook, with me, girls have so many options, they won't bother giving you 'time', they'll just feel I'm not serious about wanting them
    Really? I do, so I can have it happen and know what to expect and move on and learn from it. It's not wasted if you've been through it and learned from the situation, it's wasted if you did nothing during that time.

    That's not true, we're all in the same position, girls don't have it easier by any means. I know girls and guys who feel the same way, they think everyone else is pairing off and they're the only person left behind when really so many people feel that way and rush into relationships because of it. You have to be wary of doing that and not get into a relationship 'just because' as it could be worse than just staying single.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    there is no garuntees in life. No one can say it will be alright with total certainty.

    Everythings a chance. It may work or it may not. But you wont know unless you actually take that chance
    Roscommon will win the All Ireland Football 2016. For certain.
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    I simply commiserate. Love hurts.
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    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    Roscommon will win the All Ireland Football 2016. For certain.
    ha ha, your faith is stronger than mine
 
 
 
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