I don't know how to make friends??

Someone help me out, it's like I missed a stage in my development where learning how to make friends was.. well learnt!!

I'm a decent person, no better/worse than anyone else (i've seen people with 'worse' personalities than me be popular and have loads of mates) but it just doesn't happen for me at all!

It's like people write me off before even getting to know me, even though I can see how good potential friends we could be!

Am I perhaps giving off a bad first impression? What are the stages involved in turning a stranger/acquaintance into a close friend?

elp!

Reply 1

kexy

16

Anonymous

Someone help me out, it's like I missed a stage in my development where learning how to make friends was.. well learnt!!

I'm a decent person, no better/worse than anyone else (i've seen people with 'worse' personalities than me be popular and have loads of mates) but it just doesn't happen for me at all!

It's like people write me off before even getting to know me, even though I can see how good potential friends we could be!

Am I perhaps giving off a bad first impression? What are the stages involved in turning a stranger/acquaintance into a close friend?

elp!

Best tip I can give you is don't worry about it. Don't worry about looking an arse, been inferior or whatever 'cos you're not.

Just introduce yourself whenever you can and don't worry if it doesn't always work.

I'm ash, :smile:

, pleased to meet you! :biggrin:

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I also feel like you. I find it very hard in social situations & never know what to say to people. Also don't have many close friends :frown:

Reply 3

Vohamanah

16

I feel exactly the same. But I also think that if I wasn't me I would be friends with me either. I don't really like the person I am most of the time. I'm not very nice and find it hard to get close to people. I have no idea how to make friends. The few people I count as friends at uni I met because I had a Leeds Festival T-Shirt on at Uni and they asked to look at my back to settle an argument about headliners that year :s-smilie:

And now they have got to know me and lived with me for a year, they don't like me any more :smile:

Reply 4

emdo

12

I find usually saying the first thing that comes to my head (which isn't insulting) usually works! :biggrin:

And i find, concentrating on the solid freidsn you do have will build a stronger relationship. Trying to "be more popular" and get lots of friends can isolate you ffrom the little ones you do have!

Reply 5

saasmi

just be yourself and smile

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

thanks for all replies so far!

hmm, it is tricky because i find that i can make acquaintances pretty easily as (not big-headed) i am quite witty and polite so first impressions normally go okay :smile:

The problem is, it stays like this all the time, the relationship doesn't progress! Once people get to know me (for example by living with me) then they like me! But if these same people did not live with me I very much doubt our friendship would have gone any further than hello/goodbye...

What I don't get is how really boring/shy/rude people are so popular! ...unless that's down to looks... Ah I don't know anymore! Alls i know is that I'm lonely!!!

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

I'm quite childlike when it comes to meeting people.

I usually start off with an joke-insult and keep using that until they start speaking to me. Its quite a different way...but its how I've made all the close friends I have now.

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

Anonymous

I also feel like you. I find it very hard in social situations & never know what to say to people. Also don't have many close friends :frown:

Feel somewhat simialr to you and i'm 23 lol, for what its worth i would say people who are perhaps more reserved like ourselves need to make much more effort, from my experiences i'd suggest putting yourself forward more in terms of joining clubs and going to events etc, even if your not initially interested in them as sometimes you may like the people who attend and find that you get on with them, the friendship base can build from there especially if you meeet their friends etc.

At least by maing more effort you can say you have tried even if it comes to nothing.

If your much younger though you may just simply have some growing up to do and require a change of environment rather than being at school, moving away for uni might be good for you,

Reply 9

noodles!

14

I'm in a kind of similar situation- I make the friends, don't know how, then turn my back on them because I'm paranoid they don't like me.

Just force yourself on people and don't go away. That kinda worked for me =P

Reply 10

ßlαcksωαn

17

JellyBelly2007

I feel exactly the same as you too, and think the same about missing some sort of 'development' in my childhood about how to make freinds, lol.

Unless you're a raging extrovert making friends can be hard. I think almost all people find it a daunting process. Perhaps you are giving off the wrong impression. If you look a bit dark, then maybe you are less likely to befriend others. Just try and smile more and have the guts to talk to random people...you never know where that'll lead you trust me :smile:

Reply 11

fairycakes

12

be really nice to people, considerate, listen to what they say and ask them how so and so went the next timoe u see them. act like u are intersted in their lives...

Reply 12

snufferlump

You could always join clubs and things, i found being a part of a theatre club a great way to meet people with similar interests and it made talking to people easier, you shouldn't worry i'm sure people wld love to be your friend, it only takes a "hello"

S x

Reply 13

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

PM me OP

Reply 14

joetheeskimo

stroke their leg and tell them you love them

Reply 15

L0RA

9

I just get paranoid people think i'm a bitch before they even know me :redface:

I am friendly, and i will talk to anyone literally! But i worry that they dont like me so i distance myself from them. Most people (especially guys) say i have a brick wall around me and someone has to fight their way in to get close to me. I find it hard to trust people so i'm always careful what i say.

All you need to do is improve the friendships you have with people as you say you have alot of acquaintances, just ask them to meet up. Go for a casual meal at pizza hut or to the pub. These people will become real mates after you spend time with them.

Reply 16

SuperDaz

13

lol, we should make a club :cool:

I do have friends but I always get the feeling we were forced together more than anything else. I mean there are certain situations where people get on because they have to (living in the same halls, same classes) and friendships have evolved from that.

I have no idea what I'm going to do once I finish uni and I'm not in that sort of environment. Making friends with someone who isn't forced to spend time with me seems difficult :redface:

Err, this post hasn't been of much help, Sorry!

Reply 17

Lex Talionis

10

With regards to those rude people who seem popular, it's because 1) Normally, they're goodlooking (although that's not always the case) and 2), they're not rude to each other, only the people outside the group who they can laugh at unfortunately.

Reply 18

sisalto

Anonymous

thanks for all replies so far!

hmm, it is tricky because i find that i can make acquaintances pretty easily as (not big-headed) i am quite witty and polite so first impressions normally go okay :smile:

The problem is, it stays like this all the time, the relationship doesn't progress! Once people get to know me (for example by living with me) then they like me! But if these same people did not live with me I very much doubt our friendship would have gone any further than hello/goodbye...

What I don't get is how really boring/shy/rude people are so popular! ...unless that's down to looks... Ah I don't know anymore! Alls i know is that I'm lonely!!!

In my experience it is usually the most boring / rude people who are popular as they are the most desperate for people to like them. They recoginse flaws in their personality and so they seek to change them or prove something to themselves.

Reply 19

Allthewayhome

10

Guys, I wuv you.

Never act to be liked but it is better to be than to seem to be.

Basically your fine the way your are and if people can't see that well.. they've missed out ecause you are lovely people.

I don't know how to make friends??

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