my boyfriend & i

we got together before christmas at uni at the end of november and by xmas we'd been together for about a month but we'd both been in mega long relationships so it was a bit weird for both of us. i said nothing would happen with my ex over christmas and promised. he said he couldn't do that because he said he wasn't sure he could trust himself. i thought this was slightly annoying because i know i can control myself if it really matters... anyway, battled through christmas and everything was ok.

now we're back at uni, things have been going well until now because we've both been a bit stressed with various commitments and have had less time for each other. we both recognise this but when we do see each other it doesn't feel like "quality time" because we're both stressed out.

i am really scared about easter because i am worried he won't be able to say nothing will happen for sure (the main reason for my worries at xmas!) with his ex. i have asked about this but he is a bit vague.

we both agreed the reason we're both so worried that we're not getting on, or having as much fun as we did is because we want to be with each other so much. we are both scared of losing each other i think.

as a side issue, he is also very jealous. he doesn't get annoyed if i speak to other guys (girls too! or even if i spend time not with him..) but he is convinced that two of my guy friends are madly in love with me, which they just aren't. this alone isn't such a problem but i am living with them next year and i think this makes him very uncomfortable.

i'd like to know:

if anyone has ideas on how we can have quality time together, bearing in mind the cost of things as we are both skint students!

how i can make him see how important it is that he tells me nothing will happen over easter

how i can stop him being so jealous?

thanks

Reply 1

username47781

If the relationship has no trust then it will fall apart, he needs to learn to trust you.

Reply 2

Danny the Geezer

Isn't it a bit hypocritical of him to be jealous of YOU when he says he can't trust himself with his ex?

Reply 3

username47781

Well I can almost relate to this, my ex hated me going out with my friends even though it wasn't very often. Yes I did have female friends but I never flirted with them or anything like that. Yet she went mad if I talked to one of them and would text me every two minutes demanding to know where I am and who I am with (this was even if I went down the road to the shop), but yet she had male mates and talked to them and she went out. So I sense a bit of double standards here.

You two need to talk about this like now not later, and tell him how you feel about his jealousy because if this goes on then this relationship will not last, and the fact he said he may not control himself with his ex spells bad news he can't have one rule for you and one rule for himself, i'm not even sure a talk will be enough to save it to be honest though especially if he does not listen then I would consider dumping him. You both need to trust each other if you want this to work.

Also at the end of the day you got to have a life outside your relationship you can't let him stop you going out and stuff, you have to have your own space at some point, if he loves you he will understand that.

Seriously jealousy is no fun and it will ruin your own self-esteem.

Reply 4

cmh

Forget the guy. If he cant trust himself with his ex, he isn't over her. And if I couldn't trust my bf to be faithful to me, I'd leave him. Don't do that to yourself, if he can't trust himself - eff him. You deserve better.

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