Do girls find it a turn off if a guy has a mental health problem? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I suffer from anxiety, I have a form of OCD and sometimes I get panic attacks. I also suffer from a mild form of depression. I have received treatment for both (I group panic attacks with OCD/anxiety) in the past.

I am slightly worried girls are going to think less of me because of those problems. I was not aware of how "we" are perceived by women who are mentally healthy but from what I read on this forum, we're generally not favoured by girls :/

I don't understand entirely why that is. If they are untreated, yes they can be very consuming and disabling (I will be dead scared of contracting various illnesses - my phobia - and I would read about them for days without getting sleep or rest and without being able to think about anything else). But if I'm receiving treatment and it's working, I'm unrecognisably "normal" (a bit fastidious with my hygiene but nothing too serious). affectionate and, hopefully, interesting and funny.

I wouldn't want to hide those problems from a girl I liked but if that was the only reason for her not to like me back, I definitely would.
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ImagineCats
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I absolutely love helping others, especially those I care about. I'd only get annoyed if you ever asked for help or whatever and I'd give it to you, but if you just brush it off and don't take what I say on board- but even still it's completely understandable where you're coming from :^_^: I get panic attacks too and SH for 5 years- anyone who uses your mental health against you are such idiots and you really need to ignore them! I'm pretty young and haven't had any experience in terms of relationships with mental health, but from what I've heard from others is that its best to raise it at the beginning of the relationship, so you can cut off the time wasters.

Keep going buddie, one day you'll wake up and feel content with everything you need right by your side
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fstarpey
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer from anxiety, I have a form of OCD and sometimes I get panic attacks. I also suffer from a mild form of depression. I have received treatment for both (I group panic attacks with OCD/anxiety) in the past.

I am slightly worried girls are going to think less of me because of those problems. I was not aware of how "we" are perceived by women who are mentally healthy but from what I read on this forum, we're generally not favoured by girls :/

I don't understand entirely why that is. If they are untreated, yes they can be very consuming and disabling (I will be dead scared of contracting various illnesses - my phobia - and I would read about them for days without getting sleep or rest and without being able to think about anything else). But if I'm receiving treatment and it's working, I'm unrecognisably "normal" (a bit fastidious with my hygiene but nothing too serious). affectionate and, hopefully, interesting and funny.

I wouldn't want to hide those problems from a girl I liked but if that was the only reason for her not to like me back, I definitely would.
This is so disheartening to read! I'm so sorry you feel this way about your mental health problems but I must encourage you to accept yourself as you are and understand that if somebody doesn't like you based on your mental health, then you shouldn't worry about them in the first place.

Being open about your problems will make the situation more approachable. Personally, if someone I liked had mental health problems I absolutely wouldn't deem it a deal breaker- but this is mainly from my own experiences as many of my family members have suffered from mental health disorders and I understand them. The problem with mental health is that it's not always physically recognisable in a person, so even though you feel you may get rejected by a girl you never know what she might have been through- openness may encourage her to explain her situation for example. You never really know what someone has experienced and although it might be nerve-wracking to open up about your mental health, they're likely to be supportive and accepting. Try and just develop your judge of character too, eg if someone makes suicide jokes a lot or is critical of mental health suffers, don't pay them any heed. Just surround yourself with empathetic people who will accept you as you are.

Rejecting somebody for their mental health is seriously abhorrent and you shouldn't have to put up with it or even anticipate it!
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Anonymous #2
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Bottom line is, if someone really likes you, it wont matter to them.
My boyfriend has some mental health problems and I do too, so that's bound to change my opinion on it slightly because I get it, and you'll probably have some girls who don't understand that will say it's too much effort or whatever. But as lame and cheesy as it might sound, if a girl would stop seeing you/stop wanting to spend time with you because you have a mental health issue - along with the other 25% of the population that have them too - they are most certainly not worth your time, and you deserve to have someone that is. I'm certain that it wont matter in the slightest to the majority of people.

Because me and my boyfriend have different issues, I just wanted to understand so I could help in any way I could. Of course it doesn't define our relationship but on his bad days it's just important for me to make sure he knows I'm always there for him. Of course sometimes it could make things difficult but it's just about looking after each other, which is the same with any relationship whether your partner has mental health issues or otherwise! Anyone can develop a mental health problem at any time in their life, so in my opinion if someone says they couldn't date someone with a mental illness because it's time consuming or a downer or whatever, it's absolutely ridiculous. Mental illness or not, nobody can be 100% fine all of the time, in any relationship you go through hard times.

Like you said, you have so many other qualities about you and your illness does not by any means define you. If they can't understand and accept that you have some mental health issues then they don't deserve all the great parts about you either!
I really hope that this thread makes you feel a little better about it.
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MAINE.
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OP, not gonna hold your hand and tell you everything gonna be ok like everyone else is, because that is bulll****.

Although this is a simplification, it's a valid one, in that women want the best guys they can find. Having mental health problems/depression are not attractive qualities, and so a lot of women are going to be turned off by it.

You can listen to all the other people on here who will tell you some airy fairy BS about how you will find someone who will accept you for who you are, but likelihood of that is low. Much better course of action is to really analyse the factors in your life that are driving your depression/panic attacks, and work towards overcoming them. I don't know what it will take but goes without saying that overcoming these issues will be much better for you in long term
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Alba2013
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(Original post by MAINE.)
OP, not gonna hold your hand and tell you everything gonna be ok like everyone else is, because that is bulll****.

Although this is a simplification, it's a valid one, in that women want the best guys they can find. Having mental health problems/depression are not attractive qualities, and so a lot of women are going to be turned off by it.

You can listen to all the other people on here who will tell you some airy fairy BS about how you will find someone who will accept you for who you are, but likelihood of that is low. Much better course of action is to really analyse the factors in your life that are driving your depression/panic attacks, and work towards overcoming them. I don't know what it will take but goes without saying that overcoming these issues will be much better for you in long term
This is pretty much on point. It's just because it's an extra hurdle to have to deal with. Life is ****ty and hard as it is with lots of ups and downs and it's important in my opinion to be with someone steady and reliable.

I would be most put off by someone with depression (I lost 4 years of my life to it myself, I know I don't want it in my life again). Depressed people are just not "fun" to be around, and the fear of what they'd do if you break up with them for whatever reason is just not worth the hassle.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer from anxiety, I have a form of OCD and sometimes I get panic attacks. I also suffer from a mild form of depression. I have received treatment for both (I group panic attacks with OCD/anxiety) in the past.

I am slightly worried girls are going to think less of me because of those problems. I was not aware of how "we" are perceived by women who are mentally healthy but from what I read on this forum, we're generally not favoured by girls :/

I don't understand entirely why that is. If they are untreated, yes they can be very consuming and disabling (I will be dead scared of contracting various illnesses - my phobia - and I would read about them for days without getting sleep or rest and without being able to think about anything else). But if I'm receiving treatment and it's working, I'm unrecognisably "normal" (a bit fastidious with my hygiene but nothing too serious). affectionate and, hopefully, interesting and funny.

I wouldn't want to hide those problems from a girl I liked but if that was the only reason for her not to like me back, I definitely would.
I'm completely in love with my best friend who is male, has anxiety, depression and OCD. It doesn't stop people from loving you, you might just find it harder to initiate a conversation, once you're friends, and they realise what a wonderful person you are, then you're bound to find love. Best of luck and stop being so hard on yourself! xx
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futurejournalist
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It wouldn't put me off at all, although as I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks I may be a little biased. I agree with you about having treatment - I dated a guy on and off for five years who was clearly suffering from depression but who would never do anything about it and sometimes I felt like I was more his saviour rather than his girlfriend and I was constantly worried about his state even when we weren't together (my mental health issues came about due to a combination of things but mostly the final breakup).
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gundog48
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My experience has been that, generally speaking, people don't want to hear your problems. Lots of people do like to help others, especially those they care about, but then you get those people who are a constant downer. They'll constantly come to you and moan and whine and just give you this catalogue of problems all the time, you know the sort of conversations where they're writing on a ratio of 100:1 with you? I try to be nice to people like that, but they get you down too, and you end up just telling them what they want to hear and you come off not wanting to speak to them again. You also get the type of people who won't shut up about their 'crippling OCD' or 'panic attacks' when they don't have any of those issues and just look for sympathy, not saying that you're like that, but when you start brining up your conditions early on, that sort of thing springs to mind to some people and they might judge you by subconsciously associating you with those people. Gotta love people pretending to have problems and making it worse for the rest of us.

I think my point is, don't make a big deal out of it. It's a part of your personality, and people will either like it or not, and loads of people will. I think making too much of a big thing out of it is either worth it nor is it beneficial.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by gundog48)
My experience has been that, generally speaking, people don't want to hear your problems. Lots of people do like to help others, especially those they care about, but then you get those people who are a constant downer. They'll constantly come to you and moan and whine and just give you this catalogue of problems all the time, you know the sort of conversations where they're writing on a ratio of 100:1 with you? I try to be nice to people like that, but they get you down too, and you end up just telling them what they want to hear and you come off not wanting to speak to them again. You also get the type of people who won't shut up about their 'crippling OCD' or 'panic attacks' when they don't have any of those issues and just look for sympathy, not saying that you're like that, but when you start brining up your conditions early on, that sort of thing springs to mind to some people and they might judge you by subconsciously associating you with those people. Gotta love people pretending to have problems and making it worse for the rest of us.

I think my point is, don't make a big deal out of it. It's a part of your personality, and people will either like it or not, and loads of people will. I think making too much of a big thing out of it is either worth it nor is it beneficial.
I won't bring my "conditions" up at any point if I don't need to. But I take medication every day and I see a therapist once a week. Unless I see her once a month, she's gonna notice. In which case, I will have to explain my "conditions" to her. Or lie.

I am not interested in people's sympathy. It doesn't help me in the least, I want to be liked not "pitied". When I discuss those issues with a girl I like it's because I want to build trust between us -- I don't want her to think I hide stuff from her.

I receive help from my GP and my psychiatrist, it's really counter-productive to talk to others about it but sometimes I have no option.
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gundog48
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I won't bring my "conditions" up at any point if I don't need to. But I take medication every day and I see a therapist once a week. Unless I see her once a month, she's gonna notice. In which case, I will have to explain my "conditions" to her. Or lie.

I am not interested in people's sympathy. It doesn't help me in the least, I want to be liked not "pitied". When I discuss those issues with a girl I like it's because I want to build trust between us -- I don't want her to think I hide stuff from her.

I receive help from my GP and my psychiatrist, it's really counter-productive to talk to others about it but sometimes I have no option.
Then in my opinion you'll be fine. I'm not saying you ought to keep it a secret, I think that a lot (most?) girls like a guy that has his **** together, sounds like you do, what girls don't like are boys who are constantly laying their problems at their feet. And I think the ones who say they wouldn't be interested in someone with mental health issues's only perspective of those people comes from those who lie about it.
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Anonymous #4
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I also suffer from OCD and mild depression so you might have a bit of a biased reply!
It's really not worth troubling yourself over - as cheesy as it sounds, people are going to like you for who you are, not what you have. There are good and bad moments, and I guess mental health problems *can* cause strain in relationships, but if someone's looking for a partner with a perfect life and absolutely no 'baggage' they'll be looking for a very long time.

I think whether you choose to tell any potential partners is up to you; obviously it's good to have things all out in the open, but I understand how difficult this can be as I'm still not 'out' and have never mentioned it in any relationships I've been in.
Any decent human will realise you're a person outside of whatever problems you're facing and will not be put off at all. A small minority might be reluctant only because they don't know, and the tiny amount who are put off are definitely the ones with the problem, not you! In short, focus on yourself rather than others and 99% of people will support you and not mind at all.
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Anonymous #5
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Quite the opposite - I would be really impressed if a guy I was dating had the strength to be open and honest about his mental health.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer from anxiety, I have a form of OCD and sometimes I get panic attacks. I also suffer from a mild form of depression. I have received treatment for both (I group panic attacks with OCD/anxiety) in the past.

I am slightly worried girls are going to think less of me because of those problems. I was not aware of how "we" are perceived by women who are mentally healthy but from what I read on this forum, we're generally not favoured by girls :/

I don't understand entirely why that is. If they are untreated, yes they can be very consuming and disabling (I will be dead scared of contracting various illnesses - my phobia - and I would read about them for days without getting sleep or rest and without being able to think about anything else). But if I'm receiving treatment and it's working, I'm unrecognisably "normal" (a bit fastidious with my hygiene but nothing too serious). affectionate and, hopefully, interesting and funny.

I wouldn't want to hide those problems from a girl I liked but if that was the only reason for her not to like me back, I definitely would.
I have mental health problems and I'm a girl and I would not mind going out with a guy with your mental health issues and I'm pretty sure there are going to be 'normal' girls out there that don't mind either. Do not let this get you down and don't give up! Also, well done on getting help
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Rum Ham
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I wouldn't find it a turn off. I have OCD and panic disorder so would fully understand how a guy would feel suffering from those conditions. It wouldn't stop me from dating him. I would find it a good trait if he was upfront and open talking about his MH problems. It would show me he trusts me and has accepted he has some problems but is willing to do what he can to get through them instead of being in denial and trying to cover his problems up which isn't going to help at all.

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victoriajackson
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer from anxiety, I have a form of OCD and sometimes I get panic attacks. I also suffer from a mild form of depression. I have received treatment for both (I group panic attacks with OCD/anxiety) in the past.

I am slightly worried girls are going to think less of me because of those problems. I was not aware of how "we" are perceived by women who are mentally healthy but from what I read on this forum, we're generally not favoured by girls :/

I don't understand entirely why that is. If they are untreated, yes they can be very consuming and disabling (I will be dead scared of contracting various illnesses - my phobia - and I would read about them for days without getting sleep or rest and without being able to think about anything else). But if I'm receiving treatment and it's working, I'm unrecognisably "normal" (a bit fastidious with my hygiene but nothing too serious). affectionate and, hopefully, interesting and funny.

I wouldn't want to hide those problems from a girl I liked but if that was the only reason for her not to like me back, I definitely would.
If a girl doesn't like you back because of that she ain't worth s***. People who love you support you and help you through everything. I just told my boyfriend about my condition and he doesn't care, it's extremely difficult at times but he understands that it isn't me and helps me through my bad times. That's the sort of person you need and deserve. That being said I do try my best and I take all the help I can get I wouldn't expect him to put up with my condition unchecked
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Anonymous #7
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Not gonna lie, I think girls find it a massive turnoff. They're hardwired to want a man who is manly, can stand up for himself and protect her - mental illness, rightly or wrongly, means these criteria are not viewed as being fulfilled. I have anxiety and psychosis but I'm also in a long term relationship, my girlfriend is an absolute saint when it comes to dealing with me, I know not many women would stand by me - I've been in a psych hospital twice and she still was there for me. The vast majority of people I've met male or female, over the years have distanced themselves from wanting to associate with me even just as friends. Mental illness still has stigma associated with it and people are still put off, even sometimes scared, by people exhibiting signs of mental illness. Tbh, I think this thread demonstrates that your best chance is finding a female with anxiety or depression herself, or one who has recovered from that.
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paul514
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Bottom line is it will put of some and not others.
Mental health issues are becoming more acceptable to people year on year and you don't need to hide them.
They are a part of who you are and if you want a relationship with someone you should disclose this information to them quickly I.e within a few dates or a week so you can weed out unsuitable people.

Simple as that really.

By the way about a third of people seek treatment for a mental health condition at some point in their life so it isn't uncommon at all.

I myself have had anxiety issues for 15 years now


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thefrayedribbon
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I think you're forgetting something.

I'm a female with mental health problems of her own. People with mental health problems tend to understand other people's mental health problems a lot more than those without. Whether your a man or woman doesn't have anything to do with this. I wouldn't mind at all if my partner had a mental health problem. In fact I would love to listen, try to understand and help them and it would help me to understand myself too.

Please don't generalise us and think we find mental health in guys a turn off because what's that saying to those of us who have mental health problems of our own? Only ignorant people would find it a turn off.
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lustawny
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Well, if anyone does, then they're obviously incredibly ignorant, because nobody is immune from suffering from a mental health illness. It can affect literally anyone who possesses a brain, so I suppose that would explain why they're so hostile towards it: they have no brain to begin with.
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