finding uni lonely and isolating

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shandoc45
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Hi, I've just moved back to university and about to start my second year. My halls in first year were boring to say the least, people who regularly kept themselves to themselves and did very little socialising. Although I did make friends in first year I wouldn't class them as close friends and regularly feel quite isolated within the group, like they had their own arrangements to do things together. I did go on quite a few nights out last year however its just not the same as friends back home and I feel like I can't be myself.

I also have a boyfriend back home (about 2 and a half hours on the train) who makes the situation even worse. Feeling lonely and by myself here and missing him is not a good combination. He has a large group of friends and I feel like I'm getting angry at him for going out at the weekend when he takes longer to reply just because I'm the one thats feeling this isolation and just constantly wanting his love and to tell me it will be alright. Although he has promised to come visit alot I can't help but thinking he'd just rather be out with his friends at the weekend as he has only recently just got his weekends back due to a new job.

Having only a few close friends back home that I can talk to and my boyfriend, living completely on my own in a new flat is scaring me.
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JustGeorgeJ
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(Original post by shandoc45)
Hi, I've just moved back to university and about to start my second year. My halls in first year were boring to say the least, people who regularly kept themselves to themselves and did very little socialising. Although I did make friends in first year I wouldn't class them as close friends and regularly feel quite isolated within the group, like they had their own arrangements to do things together. I did go on quite a few nights out last year however its just not the same as friends back home and I feel like I can't be myself.

I also have a boyfriend back home (about 2 and a half hours on the train) who makes the situation even worse. Feeling lonely and by myself here and missing him is not a good combination. He has a large group of friends and I feel like I'm getting angry at him for going out at the weekend when he takes longer to reply just because I'm the one thats feeling this isolation and just constantly wanting his love and to tell me it will be alright. Although he has promised to come visit alot I can't help but thinking he'd just rather be out with his friends at the weekend as he has only recently just got his weekends back due to a new job.

Having only a few close friends back home that I can talk to and my boyfriend, living completely on my own in a new flat is scaring me.
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that your first year didn't go that fantastic for you. It's a shame that the people in your halls weren't very socialable and the friends that you don't make, aren't close friends.
I can only imagine it's horrible coming back to university after being home for summer with your friends and boyfriend and having to go back to that.

Well, it's another year? Treat second year as a new start. Get out there with the friends that you have made, go out, go to social events and what not and see if you can make some new friends?

I know it's easier said than done but try not to get angry at your boyfriend for going out when you aren't. You just need to get yourself out there and get a group of friends together and then you'll get out and about and what not.
I know it's easier said than done, but like I said, treat it as a new start.

Good luck!
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hermitthefrog
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Join a club/ society or the gym or something. Get a part time job or do some voluntary work. Trust me, I know how lonely uni can be, and I've really struggled to make deep, long lasting friendships where I feel totally comfortable around people. I do, however, put myself in a lot of situations where I can make acquaintances, chat to people about lighthearted stuff, and, for the most part, that's enough to keep me happy. I know that when I leave uni I'm not going to remain in contact with any of these people, but it fulfils my social needs, and stops me feeling too lonely.


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shandoc45
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(Original post by JustGeorgeJ)
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that your first year didn't go that fantastic for you. It's a shame that the people in your halls weren't very socialable and the friends that you don't make, aren't close friends.
I can only imagine it's horrible coming back to university after being home for summer with your friends and boyfriend and having to go back to that.

Well, it's another year? Treat second year as a new start. Get out there with the friends that you have made, go out, go to social events and what not and see if you can make some new friends?

I know it's easier said than done but try not to get angry at your boyfriend for going out when you aren't. You just need to get yourself out there and get a group of friends together and then you'll get out and about and what not.
I know it's easier said than done, but like I said, treat it as a new start.

Good luck!

aw thank you! yeah I suppose it is easier said than done but classes start back next week and hopefully keeping busy will take my mind off home.

thank you!!!
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shandoc45
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(Original post by hermitthefrog)
Join a club/ society or the gym or something. Get a part time job or do some voluntary work. Trust me, I know how lonely uni can be, and I've really struggled to make deep, long lasting friendships where I feel totally comfortable around people. I do, however, put myself in a lot of situations where I can make acquaintances, chat to people about lighthearted stuff, and, for the most part, that's enough to keep me happy. I know that when I leave uni I'm not going to remain in contact with any of these people, but it fulfils my social needs, and stops me feeling too lonely.



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yeah I'm quite a sporty person so I've decided to join the gym this year and make an effort to go regularly.. keep me busy. I'm currently looking for some part time work so hopefully I hear back from them soon. I know where you're coming from with having simple lighthearted conversations, while I'm at uni I'm fine its just when I come back to my flat and realise that I'm on my own again.thank you
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jelly1000
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(Original post by shandoc45)
yeah I'm quite a sporty person so I've decided to join the gym this year and make an effort to go regularly.. keep me busy. I'm currently looking for some part time work so hopefully I hear back from them soon. I know where you're coming from with having simple lighthearted conversations, while I'm at uni I'm fine its just when I come back to my flat and realise that I'm on my own again.thank you
why don't you join sports societies? they are usually very social. Also I had quite a lonely year this past year for much of the time, I found studying in the library helped because at least I was around people that way and not shut in my room on my own.
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SlowlorisIncognito
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(Original post by shandoc45)
yeah I'm quite a sporty person so I've decided to join the gym this year and make an effort to go regularly.. keep me busy. I'm currently looking for some part time work so hopefully I hear back from them soon. I know where you're coming from with having simple lighthearted conversations, while I'm at uni I'm fine its just when I come back to my flat and realise that I'm on my own again.thank you
The gym is fine but it's pretty anti social. If you are fit and active, why not join a sports society? Most don't require a high skill level, or have just for fun teams, and they often organise loads of social events. Even if you don't make any close friends, the sport will keep you busy and stop you resenting your boyfriends social life.

Also, instead of him visiting you, why don't you go to visit him? That way he can see his friends and you, and you can also see your family/other friends.
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