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Dads affair

I'm not going to go into details about how I found about but basically my dad has been having a full on affair with a woman for about 7 years now and he visits her house everyday, goes out to places with her and from reading through his face book messages (keylogged his computer ) for the past year and a half I've discovered he's planning on buying a house with her and has already brought her a car, despite saying that he cannot afford things for our family. My mum hears from numerous people that he had been seen with a woman a few years ago and she had her suspisions but he manages to get away with it. I am the only one who knows about this 7 year long affair and the full extent of it and what he's done and it has been tough keeping it in for all this time, especially as I am only 14. The hardest part is when my dad sneaks off everyday to see her when he comes home he makes a very believeble excuse as to where he was hence why my mum is unaware, but I know exactly where he was and what he was doing and it's killing me. Not to mention I've found numerous things such as MDMA and Viagra in his 'work' bag which I've never told anyone about. Me and my dad get along so well and it would kill me to not see him or anything which is why I've never told my mum or siblings about the affair etc. and because my sister is only 10 and wouldn't cope very well. I still love my dad but equally my mum so I have never liked or found it easy to keep this quiet. I just find it amazing how this has been going on for so long and yet I noticed it when I was 7!! but still no one else has, I've always had my suspiciouns. The bottom line is I am very confused and feel so bad for keeping this in all this time but at the same time I don't want to destroy our family but surely my mum should know. Help!!!
Reply 1
Avatar for Temigql
Temigql
2
I think you should tell somebody because once it comes out it will only get worse than it is now


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Speak to your dad first and tell him what you feel about this. Do you believe that he cares about you?

If I'm being honest the ship has sailed already though.
Reply 3
Avatar for Andy98
Andy98
20
I would say confront your dad if you think he'll listen, but do the decent thing of telling your mum.

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Reply 4
Avatar for Lwin
Lwin
12
Not knowing your family it's hard to say what you should do. As the only other person aware of the affair is your dad, you could try talking to him about what his overall plan here is. Your mum will have to know eventually but again, it's hard to say what would be best in your family situation.
It's tough I know. I found out about my dad's affairs when I was 11. I'm 17 now, and it still hurts when I think about it. I used to routinely check my dad's messages everyday and was the only one who knew about it. It was extremely tough keeping it inside me and it seriuosly left my relationship with my dad very much strained, which it still is, not to mention ruined my image of him as a hero, and left me emotionally scarred and develop trust issues. It's tough. But you just have to learn not to care. It'll be tough now since you still live with your parents, but when you're preparing to go to uni and when you're actually off to uni, you'll have your own life and it'll hurt less. My mum found out eventually but theyre still together. I don't know what advice to give but tbh your mum will find out eventually and you could just wait and let the events unfold themselves. Or you could confront your dad in private i.e without your mom knowing, and ask him calmly what he's planning to do. Very calmly.

Parents are flawed. Theyre not the superheroes we grow up thinking they are. And sometimes theyre not the best of people either, but thats life. Idk if this was helpful or not, but I just want you to know that I've been in the exact same situation before and it gets better. Trust me.

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