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Heartbroken and confused

Ok, firstly i'm posting here because I need advice and an outside perspective on my situation as i'm sure it will be a case of what I can't see, being apparent to someone else who's unbiased and doesn't care about protecting my feeling etc..

I met a guy through a friend last september on a night out he made comments to my friend and the group I was out with when he first saw me about how attractive he found me etc but he thought I was out of his league. Anyway as the night progressed we got chatting and we ended up kissing, exhanged numbers at the end of the night etc. Then I went away on holiday. We text constantly then met up again shortly after I got back. He seemed really nice kept texting, ringing, telling me how much he fancied me etc. He stayed at myn on the first night we met up after me coming back from holiday (but told me he was too drunk to sleep with me) and I confided in him that I was a virgin (i've been recovering from an eating disorder so I never let anyone near me physically or mentally since i've been ill) he was very good about it and things continued on the same for months. We'd text, phone calls, meet up - he'd tell me how much he liked me etc etc. But he'd never try to intiate sex despite me telling him I wanted to sleep with him - he'd always be..too drunk, didnt have any protection, just didn't bring it up or try despite knowing I wanted to. Then when we were going to he lost his hard on - which I blamed on myself because of my illness.

This continued on for months. Then as soon as it became apparent I liked him, despite him telling me how much he was into me and how he didn't want me to pull any other lads etc he started to cool off and now although he always texts me back and we always end up together if I bump into him out. He'll now text me perhaps once every 2 weeks, or if he sees me or thinks i've ignored him or something trivial. Whereas before it was everyday, we'd speak on the phone, see each other etc.

My problem is basically I don't want anyone else because i've never trusted anyone the way I do him. I've totally fallen for him and for what ever reason I felt like I could confide in him and he's the only guy i've ever believed wasn't bull ****ting me. But at the same time it's clearly going no where. I had an argument with him over christmas after I told him he was using me and I told him to leave me alone. The next day he text me asking me if i'd forgiven him and that "really liked me" and that he'd leave me alone for a few weeks to think things over and sort himself out because he'd known he'd been a bastard. Then after uni exams he text me asking me how I was etc. He text me a few more times but didn't make any plans to meet up with me so I was pretty devastated and then we ended up bumping into each out and he virtually lunged at me and was kissing me etc etc acting like nothing had happened. The same thing happens everytime I see him, he'll leave his friends to be with me we'll kiss all night, go back to myn and cuddle all night we'll never have full sex though and then he'll leave the next day and I won't hear from him usually until I see him again and the cycle is repeated.

I can't cope with it anymore because I like him so much. But I can't work out what he's after as clearly he's not using me for sex..so why is he still around?

I have heard rumors and he's told me that he WAS in love with his best friend who is currently on a year in Spain as part of her course and i'm sensing he's perhaps not over her but she's in a relationship. Isn't speaking to him anymore after he caused trouble between her and her b/f after they 'messed about' for 2 months (he didn't have sex with her either..despite saying she wanted to at the time but he wouldn't because she was still in love with her bf)

sorry this is so confusing there's honestly so much more I could write but I think i've gone on enough!

he's told me he's not a virgin, he's apparently slept with 2 girls. He's definately not seeing anyone else. So my only wonder is if he's perhaps gay? In love with that girl or just not intrested in me what so ever yet sees me as a way to pass the time?

i'm really sorry this is all so ridiculous but i'm really heartbroken about the whole thing and i'm just wanted opinions. Sorry if it makes no sense its just hard to explain.

Reply 1

Emerald

I'm really sorry. I don't know what advice to give you really. Maybe you could ignore him for a bit and tell him you'd just like to sort yourselves out and if he really likes you he might end up telling him? Or you could just ask him straight out what the hell is going on? I've not been much help and I apologise for that. Hope it works out. :hugs: