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gap year...boyfriend

I recently started dating my boyfriend, whose a year older. Actually, we started dating 5 months ago. He just started university last year, and I'm at school(last year).
The problem is that I've been planning my gap year, and will probably be away for about 8 to 9 months. Although my boyfriend didn't say anything yet, I'm worried that he will break up with me. I don't know how we can manage without seeing each other for so long. I know a lot of people who broke up because they were leaving for their gap year, and so I'm really scared. Plus, a lot of my friends think that we will not make it.

I don't want to break up with him(I love him sooo much), and I don't know what to do. =(
Please give me some advice.

Reply 1

Luzvel

I think you got to decide whats more important you, keeping your relationship with him or go away on a gap year

maybe you should talk to him about it seriously and see how he feels and make your choice from that.

Some long distance relationships work and some dont is really up to both of you, dont let people push you in your choice if they say boyfriends come and go it might be true but you might want to give him a try and something really good can come out of it

on the other hand dnt let him influence your choice either if you got your heart set on going away then do it and take the risk in my opinion whatever you decide is not wrong you do what you feel is best

Just make that decision yourself and good luck :biggrin:

EDIT: just a side note i been in the same situation before and i chose to stay and got really dissapointed afterwards :frown:

but thats just my case

Reply 2

Tasha89

OP

Yeah, I do know a lot of people who are in a ldr, but they see each other every month atleast....I don't know how we will manage without seeing each other for 9 months at a go. :frown:

Reply 3

Luzvel

is hard not to tell you something that might in some way influence your decision but 9 months for a short realtionship seems way too much in my opinion but as i said chose wisely and what you think is best

Reply 4

Tasha89

OP

yeah thanks. just wanted to point that we would be dating for a year by the time I go. Don't know if that makes a difference...

Reply 5

ntf

Away for 9 months non-stop? Wow....who's paying for this?

Reply 6

Luzvel

Considered the fact she could be staying with friends or family on the other side of thr world? :p:

Reply 7

tanusha-tomsk

18

The thing is, you'll never get a second go at a Gap uear. If you're planning it already you obviously like the idea (I hate gap years, but you obviously think they are fantastic). I don't think you should break up over you going on a Gap year; but if he tries to stop you or threatens that he will leave you, you can and you should break up over that. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to stop him from going to a football match in another country for a week, even it happens to be on Valentines or your anniversary or something. If I had a b/f who was planning a gap year, I would be devastated about his choice, but I wouldn't try to talk him out or anything. If I saw what a great opportunity it was for him, I'd only be happy that he was persuing his dream. I think it is a part of a relationship =S

Try talking to him about it - explain why you think this is a great opportunity for you, ask him how he feels about that. Things will be clearer once you talk it out.

Reply 8

Louise88

This is your chance to go and experience a bit of the world. Discover different things, do things that you have always wanted to do. This is your one and only chance at a gap year, do you want to ruin it? You wouldn't have planned on having a gap year if it was something that you didn't really want to do, but not you have a boyfriend, you are having second thoughts.

You need to sit down and have a good think about what is more important to you, your gap year or your boyfriend. I know that is a tough decision to make but what if you give up this trip and you break up with your boyfriend? You will be left with nothing. No partner and no gap year having the time of your life. Could you live with that? Could you honestly be happy with that? Probably not.

You need to speak to your boyfriend about your plans for your gap year, talk to him about it seriously and find out where your relationship is going. You need to know where you stand if you stay or if you go and he needs to know your decision so he can make plans too.

Good luck with your decision. It would be a shame for you to miss out on this amazing oppertunity, I honestly hope this guy is worth it.

Reply 9

*Claire*

1

I think 9 months apart would be very hard. Your lives would become very separate. You need to talk to him about it. Its not impossible but you may come home after 9months & things not be the same. My friend didnt see his gf for 3-4months over the summer & things weren't the same wen she got back (altho they hadn't been going out so long). However you shouldn't give up what you want to do because of a relationship. You could end up getting back together or it could work. Where will you be? Will you have access to internet etc?

Reply 10

Soul Rebel

12

Its possible if its what you both want.

im in a gap year, 6000 miles away from my girlfriend. im away for 6 months but i will see her for 2 weeks of that time.

im not gonna lie to you its bloody tough. if you both wanna give it a shot i dont see why not.

you should def go on ur gap year though, if thats what u have planned.

Reply 11

Tasha89

OP

Yes, I did speak to him, and he said that he does want to stay with me. But I'm just worried....I mean, what if he doesn't want to be with me when I return, or if he falls for someone else.

Reply 12

tanusha-tomsk

18

^ Would that be the end of the world? I know it's sad, but it's life - people do fall apart, and the chances are, you are going to be a different person after your Gap year, after seeing the big world and another life. You might be the one to break it off. But if not, your relationship will only grow stronger - it'll be something worth hanging onto if you've handled the 9 months apart!

Reply 13

Louise88

Thats just a risk you are going to have to take. It's possible that both of you will meet someone else during those nine months and fall for them. It's possible that he will break it off with you, it's possible that you will break it off with him. Nine months is a long time and a lot can happen but if things don't work out, it's not the end of the world at least you tried.

Reply 14

Piggsil

16

It IS possible to stay together in a situation like this. My friend did a gap year whilst her bf was at uni - round Europe for 2 months (he came and visited her in Rome), then she was back for a while and went to see him, then over Christmas she was in NZ/Australia, and then from there went to Thailand until June. They kept in touch via email/phonecard/skype, and are still together now 2 years later despite him being in Bristol and her in Durham at term time. So it CAN work, you just both have to be prepared to put the effort in to stay in touch and see each other as much as poss.
I am saying this as a person in an LDR as well. :smile:

Reply 15

Tasha89

OP

Becca

It IS possible to stay together in a situation like this. My friend did a gap year whilst her bf was at uni - round Europe for 2 months (he came and visited her in Rome), then she was back for a while and went to see him, then over Christmas she was in NZ/Australia, and then from there went to Thailand until June. They kept in touch via email/phonecard/skype, and are still together now 2 years later despite him being in Bristol and her in Durham at term time. So it CAN work, you just both have to be prepared to put the effort in to stay in touch and see each other as much as poss.
I am saying this as a person in an LDR as well. :smile:

So how long was she away for in total? lol
You're on your year abroad and in a ldr?

Reply 16

Piggsil

16

Tasha89

So how long was she away for in total? lol
You're on your year abroad and in a ldr?

In total 8-9 months, similar to you, although that wasn't all in one go as she had to come home between trips etc.
Yep I'm on my year abraod and in an ldr, because my bf lives in norway but studies in England, so the first 2 years of uni i saw him in term time and then occassionally over hols. This year I've only seen him 3 or 4 times, but it will all be worth it when my year abroad finishes in June, can't wait! :smile:

Reply 17

Tasha89

OP

Becca

In total 8-9 months, similar to you, although that wasn't all in one go as she had to come home between trips etc.
Yep I'm on my year abraod and in an ldr, because my bf lives in norway but studies in England, so the first 2 years of uni i saw him in term time and then occassionally over hols. This year I've only seen him 3 or 4 times, but it will all be worth it when my year abroad finishes in June, can't wait! :smile:

cool...I'm feeling better now :smile:

Reply 18

Piggsil

16

Tasha89

cool...I'm feeling better now :smile:

Good.
But remember, you both have to be prepared to put the effort in to stay in touch. And don't expect everything to be perfect/how it was when you come back either - it's a risk you have to take in these situations. Hard, but worth it.
Also, you need to talk about it loads, make sure you both know what's happening, that will make things much clearer in your mind.

:smile:

Reply 19

Tasha89

OP

Actually I'm travelling for 9 months because I don't know what else to do during my gap year, but I don't want to go straight to uni.

gap year...boyfriend

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