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Reasons why a person may be mean

Hi so when there is a mean person, are they mean because people were mean to them, or because maybe no one has ever been mean to them so they don't know how much of an impact being horrible can be? This is something I'm curious about. Everyone always says that mean people are mean because people were horrible to them, but I'm not sure about this. I feel like kind people are kind because people were mean to them, so they know how bad it feels when people are mean, which is why they choose to be kind. Or are they kind because people were kind to them, so they don't have that bitterness? Thoughts?
Being mean to others? You mean causing offence with or without intent, or allowing yourself to get offended by others?

There are those who do it for their own pleasure. Avoid such people at all costs.
(edited 8 years ago)
I did something very bad once, and I was very mean. After that, I went through periods of sadness, and I went through some very hard things. I was only about 11 years old then, didn't know any better, and I feel very bad about it even today. I have said sorry to them though.

I think what people need to realize is to be kind to everyone. You don't know what they've been through, or what they're going through, and the biggest thing you can do is to be there and to be kind to them. Imagine what a difference you could make; no matter how small.
A lot of people who've had people be mean to them are now mean. I know many of those people. I feel sorry for them, really.
Perhaps everyone is 'mean' sometimes.

The 'meanest' may simply be the ones who need kindness the most.
I'd say being mean stems from both ends of the spectrum: never having experienced the receiving-end of such a personality, and the other being a person whose had people be mean to them and now put on a hard shell so it stops others from doing it again.

Really, there isn't an explanation. There could be all sorts of reasons why one can be 'mean'.
Original post by Abcdefghijk123
Hi so when there is a mean person, are they mean because people were mean to them, or because maybe no one has ever been mean to them so they don't know how much of an impact being horrible can be? This is something I'm curious about. Everyone always says that mean people are mean because people were horrible to them, but I'm not sure about this. I feel like kind people are kind because people were mean to them, so they know how bad it feels when people are mean, which is why they choose to be kind. Or are they kind because people were kind to them, so they don't have that bitterness? Thoughts?


It can be BOTH!

A lot of research indicates it depends on the person's personality trait of agreeableness.

Someone low in agreeability will exhibit aggressive behaviour after being socially excluded (e.g meanness)

Someone high in aggreeability tries to engage in more pro-social behaviour after being socially excluded (e.g kindness).
People are mean for so many reasons. They may be having a bad day.. someone might be been mean to them and made them angry. They may be suffering from chronic pain which makes life hard. They may have grown up in am environment where being mean gets you heard.
I once read that each time someone wrongs you, you don't just feel angry for the action but because of the memory of every time it's happened before. So if someone gets in your way on the bus you think 'this happens every week! Am I invisible? " so next time you shout at the person and they don't understand why you're so upset.
Try to be compassionate to mean people, there is a reason for it if you look deep enough
Original post by Abcdefghijk123
Hi so when there is a mean person, are they mean because people were mean to them, or because maybe no one has ever been mean to them so they don't know how much of an impact being horrible can be? This is something I'm curious about. Everyone always says that mean people are mean because people were horrible to them, but I'm not sure about this. I feel like kind people are kind because people were mean to them, so they know how bad it feels when people are mean, which is why they choose to be kind. Or are they kind because people were kind to them, so they don't have that bitterness? Thoughts?
Life/experiences affect people differently and you're right some people are nice and more empathetic because they themselves have been mistreated and don't want to cause people the same hurt. But there are also people who've been treated badly and therefore react with hostility and sometimes meanness like you describe. Or sometimes a combination of the two the person might be mostly nice and empathetic in the knowledge they want to be better than the people that mistreated them but sporadically or if under stress might display the meanness you describe. And like thecatwithnohat sometimes people are mean because noone's ever treated them badly they don't realise the hurt they cause.

I'm not sure if you're going through something where someone is treating either you or someone else badly but no matter what that person has been through it's no excuse for them to treat other people badly. If they need help they should be directed to it but no one should be a punch bag because the other person has suffered in the past.
(edited 8 years ago)

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