Isolated and don't fit in with flat mates

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zwestwood
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I have only been at university for three days now and I feel as though my Flatmates don't want to associate with me. My flatmates are all quite lively and like to go out on a regular basis, not only this but they play loud music and shout at what I would call an inappropriate time in the morning. I understand that they are trying to have a good time. But I feel as though they have all clicked and I'm left out on my own. I am not the kind of person who goes out clubbing I don't enjoy it at all but I don't know what to do. I feel quite lonely and isolated. Conversation between myself and the other girls is normally quite forced/small talk or there is none I will do what I have to do in the kitchen and then leave as they will be talking about the night before or what they are going to do tonight. I know that I am able to move room, however I am not sure whether it would be worth it or not. Like I said I have only been here for a short period of time and things will start to calm down when our courses actually start and there is no promise of getting the same en-suit room that I am already in.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by zwestwood)
I have only been at university for three days now and I feel as though my Flatmates don't want to associate with me. My flatmates are all quite lively and like to go out on a regular basis, not only this but they play loud music and shout at what I would call an inappropriate time in the morning. I understand that they are trying to have a good time. But I feel as though they have all clicked and I'm left out on my own. I am not the kind of person who goes out clubbing I don't enjoy it at all but I don't know what to do. I feel quite lonely and isolated. Conversation between myself and the other girls is normally quite forced/small talk or there is none I will do what I have to do in the kitchen and then leave as they will be talking about the night before or what they are going to do tonight. I know that I am able to move room, however I am not sure whether it would be worth it or not. Like I said I have only been here for a short period of time and things will start to calm down when our courses actually start and there is no promise of getting the same en-suit room that I am already in.
I'm in the EXACT same position as you! I have been at uni for 8 days now and I have been surviving on my own. My flatmates are nice but they all drink and go out and I am just there left on my own because I don't drink and I hate parties and such. I go out on my own and basically explore everything on my own. I have applied for a room swap which I think I have luckily placed (not sure yet though) but I am going to wait until my course starts to see how it goes from there. I was so close in wanting to swap unis but I figured it was too late by now and I did not give my course a chance yet so hopefully once it starts I'll settle in. I would suggest you to perhaps do the same thing too. Maybe it'll be easier once the academic term starts. I am risking that chance anyway so hopefully I will be able to make friends but we'll see. Hope this helps!
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Anonymous #2
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I know how you feel mate exact same position don't know what to do
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TwinnyP
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Just talk to people. Ask them if they want to go and do something. Explore the city, go for coffee etc
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hopeforthebest1
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Sometimes you have to step outside what is normally comfortable for you for your own good. You may not particularly enjoy going to a club but you could probably manage to go out a few times to be with the girls from your flat. I doubt that they dislike you but feel you all don't have anything in common and that you aren't particularly trying (even if that isn't true). If you are a fresher I promise you are not alone in your feeling - I promise there are other girls, even in your flat, that are feeling out of place and insecure. So even though it goes against what you'd normally choose for yourself ask them if you can join them and go with them to the club. This isn't about the club but getting to know the girls you live with. Also, please don't go eat quietly in your room after you've made your food - you are isolating yourself. You ultimately may not click w/ your flatmates but it is guaranteed that you won't if you don't get to know them. Yes, it would be lovely if they sought you out, but, sadly, that's not the way it works. You will have to step outside your comfort zone for a bit until you get to know some other people and then you will see that there are people who who would prefer to stay in and watch t.v. or go to a movie instead of clubbing but you have to be available to get to know the people first. I do know a girl who, during the first weeks of uni, didn't like to go clubbing so that when her flat mates went out she would wonder around the corridors of her hall and see who else was in knowing that they'd be the ones who didn't like to go out to clubs either. She met several good friends with that approach. I am not encouraging you to go out with your flat mates because you'd ultimately have a good time clubbing but because you will be making a very poor choice to isolate yourself in your room. You should also invite your flatmates to meet you for coffee or lunch etc. I'm not gonna lie it can be difficult but it is very important to make friends and the only way that will happen if for you to be around people! Best of luck to you.
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Alba2013
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This might be the first time they have been let loose so they can be over excited by being by themselves and hyped up by "omg freshers must fit in/appear to be cool" etc etc. They should get into a routine and calm down soon enough.
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ParadiseFound
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Sounds like your isolating yourself tbh, either be willing to compromise or find new friends
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MeerkatSwag
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Go out with them, doesn't matter if you're not into it but just sacrifice one night and see if you can have some fun and talk to them better


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Plumstone
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I know exactly how you feel, OP - I had exactly the same experience in my first year at uni.

My top bits of advice would be:

- make sure you are still friendly with them (you don't want to live all year in a flat where they all hate you)

- if they are being loud late at night, check your accommodation contract; I only realised at the end of the year that there was a rule about "No noise after eleven at night" and I could have reported them and made them shut up.

- DO report them if they are too noisy. I was so sleep deprived at the end of my first year, just because they were keeping me up (throwing parties right outside my door, running up and down the corridor) until 3am several nights a week and I had to get up early for lectures. Don't suffer like I did.

- find other ways of making friends. It might take a bit more time, but it's better to find friends you have something in common with, than socialise miserably with people you don't know or like

EDIT: I just saw that you're moving rooms - hopefully you will get on better with the new people, but my other points are still valid if they are the same types (and sadly most Freshers are...)
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username47781
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Playing loud music at a stupid time is bad to be honest, see if you can report them. There's having a good time then there's going over the top.
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gr8wizard10
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been there, done that.

going into my second year, i can conclude that uni is a piece of sht
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doodle_333
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you will probably be in the same situation if you move flats, that's just freshers

if you want to make friends you will have to make an effort, you probably need to compromise and go out with your flatmates semi regularly or they will see you as isolating yourself, alongside that you can ask them to do a few things you enjoy - but you can't expect them to do your things if you wont do theirs

it may be easier to make friends in societies but unfortunately many people at uni, especially first years, are very focussed on drinking so if you're just refusing to go along you will find it hard to bond with people as you're just not there
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ocpaul20
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Anonymous, just something I will throw out there which may or may not apply to you. Only you can tell if it does.

Many overseas students feel isolated when faced with a new situation. Culture has a lot to do with it and some students do not find it easy to be sociable at all so they isolate themselves and just study hard, which probably makes the situation worse.

Many parents will disagree with me, but I feel that most of the benefits of university (for overseas students only) are from the social interaction and exposure to a different culture. Often it is easier to get into a university in their home country but they choose to go abroad because it gives an advantage in employment. For example, in China many people have degrees and so there are many people going for the same starting job with similar qualifications. The only difference is the level of university you went to (top level, second level, etc), and the 'extra bits' you have over other people. If you studied abroad, then this is seen as a benefit.

Studying abroad gives you a confidence which many others do not have simply because you have had to survive on your own. It teaches you to think on your feet and you are more mature than others of the same age. Again, using China as the example, all that is a huge advantage and will allow you to have better chances in life for you and your family.

However, if you do not get out there and experience life in the other country you will not gain any of these benefits. Push yourself and be uncomfortable for a while. Talk to others when you dont want to. Do things with others when you dont want to. Make new friends, etc It is your future you are making and you have spent a lot of money to get to university so do not waste it.

Above all, do NOT sit in your room alone and do not go around with the same people all the time.
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Proxenus
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If something gets in the way I things I train my mind to suit it's needs.

I'm 7 days in uni. I've been clubbing 3 times here. Wouldn't say I enjoy it but I'm forcing myself to like it for the social aspects and and to make the most out of uni.

Also forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone.

'be yourself 'is used loosely nowadays. If your character stops you from being the person you inspire to be then change. UK society will always be clubbing and drinking. It won't change for you. You need to change for it if you're not happy.

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CCC75
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(Original post by Proxenus)

UK society will always be clubbing and drinking. It won't change for you. You need to change for it if you're not happy.

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What a sad truth.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Proxenus)
UK society will always be clubbing and drinking. It won't change for you. You need to change for it if you're not happy.

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hate this so much...
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ZetaMu
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So you don't want to join them because you're not extroverted...yet you feel lonely when you don't? It's a tricky situation, because you can't really expect them to change their plans or their socialising patterns right? Maybe you could put a little more effort into joining in? Who knows, you might actually enjoy the experience.
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Inthesameboat
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My flatmates make the effort to exclude me intentionally. I haven't had a conversation with anyone here in two years. Just hi and that's it.




\\









only been at university for three days now and I feel as though my Flatmates don't want to associate with me. My flatmates are all quite lively and like to go out on a regular basis, not only this but they play loud music and shout at what I would call an inappropriate time in the morning. I understand that they are trying to have a good time. But I feel as though they have all clicked and I'm left out on my own. I am not the kind of person who goes out clubbing I don't enjoy it at all but I don't know what to do. I feel quite lonely and isolated. Conversation between myself and the other girls is normally quite forced/small talk or there is none I will do what I have to do in the kitchen and then leave as they will be talking about the night before or what they are going to do tonight. I know that I am able to move room, however I am not sure whether it would be worth it or not. Like I said I have only been here for a short period of time and things will start to calm down when our courses actually start and there is no promise of getting the same en-suit room that I am already in.[/QUOTE]
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Tash1998
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i feel the exact same, i don't like going out that much and tonight will be my second night at uni with all my flatmates having gone out both tonight AND last night, i feel isolated and alone, I'm going to the gym to try and focus my lonely energy into exercise but i mean theres so much of this i can take. I feel like when they interact with me its forced and strained just to try and not leave me out not because they actually want to talk. Also they had a group chat before arrival which i WASNT in which makes me feel even more alone as they all know eachother well.
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BionicPinkyBear
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i get you i stayed in my room all year and i didnt make any friends cuz i was too introverted to join societies and i was afraid it would fail like it did with my flatmates and classmates im going to start my 2nd year now and hope ill have more luck in making friends
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