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Boyfriend takes anger out on me?!?!
Recently my boyfriend has been so insulting to me, he has left me in tears....and it takes a lot for me to cry.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Well if he's been like this regulary and you have told him how much he hurts you then I doubt he will change, I know it's hard to walk away from a 4 year relationship but can you really put up with this for much longer. You deserve better, find the courage to dump this horrible man.
Reply 2
No. He sounds vile, and if he's always been like this then he won't change. If you remember this, then it will make it easier for you to move on.
Reply 3
I wouldn't give that tosspot two seconds.
Ditch him.
Ditch him.
Reply 4
1. You are not stupid
2. You should walk away
3. He's not going to change if this is a trend
4. Thankfully not personally but my best friend was in an abusive relationship for a long time before she finally saw sense, she did keep going back, and he didn't change.
I'm sorry - I hope your hamster is ok?!! I would report him to the RSPCA (but that's me)
2. You should walk away
3. He's not going to change if this is a trend
4. Thankfully not personally but my best friend was in an abusive relationship for a long time before she finally saw sense, she did keep going back, and he didn't change.
I'm sorry - I hope your hamster is ok?!! I would report him to the RSPCA (but that's me)
Reply 5
I missed that part about the hamster. I am an animal lover and despise any cruelty to them. He really does need a smack.
Reply 7
Anonymous
Recently my boyfriend has been so insulting to me, he has left me in tears....and it takes a lot for me to cry.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
Violence against animals....report him to RSPCA.
You must walk away, if these are regularly, and heightened when he is bored/stressed, then he is no good for you and will never change. Do not get back into this verbally abusive relationship despite how much you love him.
Anonymous
Recently my boyfriend has been so insulting to me, he has left me in tears....and it takes a lot for me to cry.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
He goes through a stage every few months where he is just nasty beyond belief, we have been together for 4 years and he's always done it, except this time I couldn't handle it and I've had to break up with him and I moved back to my parents.
He just swears and shouts at me, insults me and generally is dis-respectful to me and I don't do anything to provoke him yet he isn't like this with anyone else.
He recently lost his job so we've been around eachother 24/7 and my friends think this could a reason why the arguments have become so bad the last few weeks, I even ended up slapping him in the last argument we had so we tried to kill my hamster....he threw it on it's back on the lino floor....so I left.
Am I being stupid for loving him? Should I just walk away? Do you think he will change? And has anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks for any replies, I really am stuck.
A lot of people can't handle stressful situations very well, and a lot of other people can't handle being around the same person 24/7.
I have never had a similar experience with a boyfriend, but I've had roommattes like this, and both my brother and mom are the same.
I don't think you are wrong for still loving him, but I do think you should walk away.
Relationships are full of ups and downs...peoples' lives are filled with ups and downs...if he can't handle them in a reasonable way, if he is going to make you feel like crap every time he is stressed out, and if he can't be around you for long periods of time without flipping a ****....where is this relationship going to go? It's nice to think people can change and all....but they rarely do, especially when it comes to how they treat people at their worst moments.
As much as you love him...as good as your best moments might be...you deserve to be with someone who will respect you and treat both you and your hamster well. Do you really want to put up with this forever?
Reply 10
Love isn't just something that will disappear at the drop of a hat. You're not stupid for still loving him. But I think it's very hard for these kind of guys to change. You shouldn't have to put up with such harsh treatment any longer. You did the right thing in moving out.
Reply 11
After four years, if he was going to change then he would have done. The best thing for you to do is to walk away and leave him to it because he isn't worth it in the slightest. The longer you stick around, the more he will think he can get away with and nobody deserves to be treated in such a horrible way.
I know it's difficult to walk away from someone you love but when they treat you so badly then they aren't worthy of that love so the best thing for you to do is to take a stand and find someone who deserves to be loved by you, someone who will take care of you and treat you properly because your current boyfriend obviously can't do that.
Please don't be fooled by the "i'll change!" line because it never, ever works. It's just that person trying to cling on to you for that little while longer. For a short period of time, things will be great and then suddenly, it's back to what it was before. My sister was in an abusive relationship and fell for that line 100 times and after a week or two of things being great, the guy gave her a beating of a lifetime.
Don't fall for it, it will never change.
I know it's difficult to walk away from someone you love but when they treat you so badly then they aren't worthy of that love so the best thing for you to do is to take a stand and find someone who deserves to be loved by you, someone who will take care of you and treat you properly because your current boyfriend obviously can't do that.
Please don't be fooled by the "i'll change!" line because it never, ever works. It's just that person trying to cling on to you for that little while longer. For a short period of time, things will be great and then suddenly, it's back to what it was before. My sister was in an abusive relationship and fell for that line 100 times and after a week or two of things being great, the guy gave her a beating of a lifetime.
Don't fall for it, it will never change.
Reply 12
All of your comments have really really helped me. I always knew what he was doing was wrong but I never actually realised just how bad it is.
As you have said, how can I have a future with a guy like this? Who turns into a monster at the first sign of stress, I suppose some turn to drink and he turns violence.
And if we have children, what kind of father would he be if he lashes out everytime he can't handle a situation...
I really do love him though and I know it's kinda my fault as well because I've let him get away it for so long, I just can't help it, he is just so nice to me after we've argued and I just fall for his charm....but it always goes back to the same thing. And sometimes I can deal and sometimes I can't, it just depends how bad it gets.
Thank you everyone, you have really helped.
And for everyone who asked about my hamster, he is fine now, but for the day after it happened, he kept jumping and wouldn't come out of his cage! So yeah my b/f did deserve a slap lol!
As you have said, how can I have a future with a guy like this? Who turns into a monster at the first sign of stress, I suppose some turn to drink and he turns violence.
And if we have children, what kind of father would he be if he lashes out everytime he can't handle a situation...
I really do love him though and I know it's kinda my fault as well because I've let him get away it for so long, I just can't help it, he is just so nice to me after we've argued and I just fall for his charm....but it always goes back to the same thing. And sometimes I can deal and sometimes I can't, it just depends how bad it gets.
Thank you everyone, you have really helped.
And for everyone who asked about my hamster, he is fine now, but for the day after it happened, he kept jumping and wouldn't come out of his cage! So yeah my b/f did deserve a slap lol!
Reply 13
How old are you both out of interest?
Reply 14
19 and 22 
Reply 15
Your boyfriend needs more than a slap, he wants being kicked out of your life, i'm sorry as much as you probably love him, you need to get rid of this guy. It's alright him being nice to you but that's until the next time he's nasty.
Your boyfriend sounds crazy and you should dump him. But I have to say, it was wrong to slap him. I don't think physical violence is ever appropriate - why is it somehow OK for a woman to hit a man, but if the OP's boyfriend had hit her there would be outrage? If he's disrespectful and insulting to you, argue back or dump him. Violence isn't appropriate from either party. He's tried to kill your hamster, you know he's unstable so there should be no question of staying with him.
Reply 17
I know its tricky, youve been with him since you were like 15. you have matured with him ya know.
However he sounds like he could get real violent. If you have these reservations then go with your instinct, cos it can only get worse.
However he sounds like he could get real violent. If you have these reservations then go with your instinct, cos it can only get worse.
Reply 18
I know what I have to do but putting it into much practice is much harder....
And as for the violence isn't the answer ****, well if he can talk to me like he wants and he can be violent towards my hamster then he does deserve a slap and don't worry it isn't just one sided, he hit me back.
And I know violence is wrong because my dad use to beat me for no reason.
Thanks again for all the comments, except that one.
And as for the violence isn't the answer ****, well if he can talk to me like he wants and he can be violent towards my hamster then he does deserve a slap and don't worry it isn't just one sided, he hit me back.
And I know violence is wrong because my dad use to beat me for no reason.
Thanks again for all the comments, except that one.
Oh sorry, didn't I say what you wanted to hear? I'm not going to massage your ego. If he's so horrible then why are you going out with him?
You said in your post he hurt your hamster AFTER you slapped him. No, your poor hamster didn't deserve to get hurt and he shouldn't have hit you back, but it sounds like you started the violence. You can dish it out but you can't take it? It's never right to lash out physically at someone. My dad used to hit me as well which is all the more reason why I would never lay a finger on my boyfriend, no matter how bad the argument was. Men hitting women isn't acceptable but it also isn't acceptable for women to hit men (except in self defence obv).
What do you want people here to say? You're the one who knows him. Whatever the truth is, if you're this incompatible then you're better off apart. You already feel like you wouldn't trust him with children so there's your answer.
You said in your post he hurt your hamster AFTER you slapped him. No, your poor hamster didn't deserve to get hurt and he shouldn't have hit you back, but it sounds like you started the violence. You can dish it out but you can't take it? It's never right to lash out physically at someone. My dad used to hit me as well which is all the more reason why I would never lay a finger on my boyfriend, no matter how bad the argument was. Men hitting women isn't acceptable but it also isn't acceptable for women to hit men (except in self defence obv).
What do you want people here to say? You're the one who knows him. Whatever the truth is, if you're this incompatible then you're better off apart. You already feel like you wouldn't trust him with children so there's your answer.
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