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Jealous and Scared

I've been with my bf for just over 3 months now, and hes really good friends with his ex. Recently hes been walking his dog with his ex and her dog, which always used to be 'our' thing. We would walk our dogs together and it would be fun. And he stopped doing it much, which is fair enough its been awful weather. But whenever he walks the dogs with his ex I get so scared that something might happen. I know he wouldn't do something like that, but I can't stop myself thinking that she might come onto him. She has a new boyfriend, who is my (almost)ex...very long story...but I know what he can be like. I don't know her very well, but i do know that she loved my bf more than anything, and I just get scared when they are together =( Its not really a thread asking for advice..I just needed to get it off my chest... :frown:

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Reply 1

Talya

I would NOT want my bf walking a dog with an ex. Luckily he doesn't have any so phew.

I imagine he would talk a lot with her walking and you are often alone and well.. it could end in kissing or something.

Or maybe I am just as paranoid as you!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

exactly. Most of me is sure he wouldn't do anything, because we walked dogs a lot last may/june when he was still with his ex, and nothing ever happened, and I trust him so much..its just her..I can see them walking along talking and then it ending up with them kissing...I suppose I should tell himhow I feel..Ive told him that Im not happy about it, and that it makes me jealous, but I dont know how I could tell him that it scares me that something might happen, without it sounding like I don't trust him =(

Reply 3

mc_hamster

Anonymous

without it sounding like I don't trust him =(

Well it sounds like you don't trust him so there's no way it's going to come across any other way.

Reply 4

ShinyApple

Talya

I think thats fair.

I know if I started doing things again with my ex no matter what the circumstance any person I was seeing should be worried, I would probably be lining her up.

Confront him, explain your fears. If he goes off the handle and is unreasonable then ditch him, he is about to/is cheating. If he cuts her off and consoles you then keep him, he loves you.

Reply 5

hotfuzz

mc_hamster

Well it sounds like you don't trust him so there's no way it's going to come across any other way.

It's not that she can't trust him, it's that she can't trust her.

Reply 6

mc_hamster

hotfuzz

It's not that she can't trust him, it's that she can't trust her.

It goes hand in hand, if she does try something the OP has to trust he won't allow her to go any furthur.
So you can't not trust her and trust him.

Reply 7

ShinyApple

hotfuzz

It's not that she can't trust him, it's that she can't trust her.

Its a bit of both, surely? Yes, the ex could jump him... however if he goes for it then he's a fool and untrustworthy.

What the hell he's doing with an ex is anyones guess...

Reply 8

stepheh

Talk to him :smile:

really..
you're not being silly at all.
I'd feel exactly the same way.

Just explain that you don't trust her [i'm sure that's all it is]
he should understand and stop doing it.

Why is he still hanging around her anyway?
She's his ex for a reason, surely..
=S

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Hes still hanging around her because they are still friends...they broke up because she became too clingy and needy and it pushed him away and he stopped loving her. I find it so hard to trust her because after they split she admitted that shes seen me as a threat to their relationship since I joined the school, and has never liked me and just pretended to. I don't think he knows this because I didn't want to tell him, and I don't think she told him. I know he knows that she doesn't like me all that much...seeing as they were talking on msn shortly after and she said 'I could forgive you for going out with any girl soon, as long as its not [insert my name here]'. She dictated the month and a half of his life after they split as well..which really isn't fair, she was going on about how she didn't want him going out with anyone else soon [originally she said till end of 6th form] because it wasn't fair on her...
I do trust him, I trust him with my life. I just don't trust her to not try and make a move...

Reply 10

Talya

She sounds a bit crazy. I'd watch out, she's probably trying to get him back.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

She is a bit crazy :s-smilie:

I am worried about her trying to get him back, coz I suppose in a way she sees me as stealing him from her, coz when they first split I was the first person he came to for comfort, and it wasn't as if I was gonna turn him away...Shes had a couple of relationships since, but neither of them lasted very long..I can just see her splitting up with the newset guy and running to my bf for comfort..again..Just before we got together, he asked me if it was OK if he saw her a bit because she was having a bit of a rough time, and i said sure..now part of me wishes I hadn't said sure, because then I might not be in this position..but if I hadn't said sure he might not tell me...damn I hate what ifs...

Reply 12

ShinyApple

Stop posting and start talking. You seem intent on telling the story, but you've said enough. Talk to him, not us. You won't find the comfort you need from here, you need either closure or reassurance, no amount of replies here can truly give you that.

Reply 13

always + forever

Is there no possibility of you joining them on the dog walks? That way you're asserting to her that you're with him now, and secondly, you will know that nothings going to be going on, because you're there.

If this isn't possible, maybe you should speak to your boyfriend about it: tell him that it's her you worry about, not him. The ex sounds a bit of a bunny boiler.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

I've tried to join in with the dog walks, she refused saying that she would feel 'too uncomfortable' with me there as well..and I just let it go, ignored it and let him go and walk the dogs with her...
I've tried to talk to him about it, but I just can't say anything, i get all chocked up and start crying whenever I try to speak to him about it...I could do it through texting..but its the sort of thing I would need to be there in front of him talking face to face for...
I'm just so ****-scared that he'll leave me for her, and I don't know what I would do if that happened =(

Reply 15

ShinyApple

Oh. My. God.

Look, seriously, read and understand this before you post again. You are obviously concerned about this to a serious extent. The ONLY way for you to solve it is by talking to him.

If you leave it then your relationship will end in tatters regardless. I figure this your first go at this sort of problem, but you have to learn that in a relationship all problems have to be talked out. If you don't do it then they get worse not better.

Reply 16

FadedJade

No you should go. If she's uncomfortable about it thats her problem, he's your boyfriend now and she has to accept that. If he has a problem with you going along then you need to start asking questions.

Reply 17

mc_hamster

ShinyApple

Oh. My. God.

Look, seriously, read and understand this before you post again. You are obviously concerned about this to a serious extent. The ONLY way for you to solve it is by talking to him.

Exactly, talking on an internet forum isn't helping is it?

Just tell him, yes you might get upset but I'm afraid in life we all have to do things we don't like to do. If you don't mention it now, things are just going to get worse.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Its helping me to get my thoughts straight...
I am going to talk to him about it...I just needed to sort my head out a bit first...

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Just rang him about it, and i feel soo much better, knowing htat I was being silly and paraniod..he reminded me that it takes 2 people for something to happen..and that that isnt going to happen...unless she can somehow overpower him...which is highly unlikely...nothings going to happen...and nothing has happened...