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finish with my boyfriend before I get too attached?
I love my boyfriend with all my heart and our relationship is great. Hes the only boyfriend I have had that has treat me right. My ex was really nasty to me and cheated on me and other lads have treat me very bad in the past. My current boyfriend really cares about me and tells me he loves me all the time.
However, I know eventually I will lose him. When he finishes his degree he wants to emigrate abroad while I want to stay in in the UK and train to become a teacher. He has been accepted into the country so can go when ever he wants. This is in just over a year by the way. It upsets me even though we have only been together 2 months. I really don't want to finish with him but I've been thinking about it...I will be hurt if I do finish with him now, I will be depressed and so will he. Also what worries me is the fact he tried to commit suicide when he finished with 2 of his ex girlfriends, I don't want him doing the same thing about me.
Its just thinking about the future and how if we are together when he does go over how much more it will hurt me. If I finish with him now the break-up will be less painful even though still painful.....I feel bad now actually but haven't told him....he has feelings that there is something wrong but I've just told him I'm fine...
So what should I do? Finish with him and be depressed or stay with him and have over a year of happiness (with knowing the fact I know our relationship will end anyway)? I do really care about him and don't want to hurt him....
However, I know eventually I will lose him. When he finishes his degree he wants to emigrate abroad while I want to stay in in the UK and train to become a teacher. He has been accepted into the country so can go when ever he wants. This is in just over a year by the way. It upsets me even though we have only been together 2 months. I really don't want to finish with him but I've been thinking about it...I will be hurt if I do finish with him now, I will be depressed and so will he. Also what worries me is the fact he tried to commit suicide when he finished with 2 of his ex girlfriends, I don't want him doing the same thing about me.
Its just thinking about the future and how if we are together when he does go over how much more it will hurt me. If I finish with him now the break-up will be less painful even though still painful.....I feel bad now actually but haven't told him....he has feelings that there is something wrong but I've just told him I'm fine...
So what should I do? Finish with him and be depressed or stay with him and have over a year of happiness (with knowing the fact I know our relationship will end anyway)? I do really care about him and don't want to hurt him....
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Talking to him about how you feel would be a good start. 
Reply 2
In a year so much can change, he may change his mind about wanting to go abroad, you may change your mind about staying in the UK, a multitude of things could happen. I wouldnt split up with him now, just see how it goes, youve only been together 2 months.
Reply 3
oh i'd say wait anyway. how do you know his mind won't change about going abroad after a year? or even that your mind won't change about staying in te uk?
Don'tmake decisions dependng what "might" happen. At this moment you're both happy, there's no need to end it for what may or may not. If it comes to the worst, you can only deal with it when you get there.
Besides, it sounds like you're pretty attached already... so it's gonna hurt now, and it will in the future the same amount. I'd say avoid it if it can be avoided!
Edit: haha, great minds eh hannah.
Don'tmake decisions dependng what "might" happen. At this moment you're both happy, there's no need to end it for what may or may not. If it comes to the worst, you can only deal with it when you get there.
Besides, it sounds like you're pretty attached already... so it's gonna hurt now, and it will in the future the same amount. I'd say avoid it if it can be avoided!
Edit: haha, great minds eh hannah.
Reply 4
Thats the thing, you can never tell what is going to happen in the future. Think he knows how it is affecting me. He can sense it so said he'll stop talking about it...thats not going make everything better.
He said he wants to go as soon as he finishes his course because if he doesn't he'll get bogged down here and won't leave...I see it as a life long thing you can do though...you can emigrate at any stage in your life. I wouldn't mind doing it one day but not as soon as him. With me it will be in at least another 5 years.
He said he wants to go as soon as he finishes his course because if he doesn't he'll get bogged down here and won't leave...I see it as a life long thing you can do though...you can emigrate at any stage in your life. I wouldn't mind doing it one day but not as soon as him. With me it will be in at least another 5 years.
Reply 5
Is there no chance what so ever of a long distance relationship? He sounds like a really good guy and they're so worth hanging on to.
Reply 6
You say he tried to commit suicide over breaking up with 2 of his girlfriends...that's problematic in itself, regardless of whether you break up with him now or later
Angrybanana
You say he tried to commit suicide over breaking up with 2 of his girlfriends...that's problematic in itself, regardless of whether you break up with him now or later
Exactly, tbh, I would never get involved with a guy who had said something like that in the early stages of dating...it seems like emotional blackmail to me 'if you ever dump me I'll kill myself...I've tried before'
Reply 9
Bubblebee
Exactly, tbh, I would never get involved with a guy who had said something like that in the early stages of dating...it seems like emotional blackmail to me 'if you ever dump me I'll kill myself...I've tried before'
He had very bad experiences with these girls. They messed him about because of his kind nature. He is one of these who insists of paying for vertually anything, does for me, did for his exs. Generally treats women very well. They both cheated on him....something I wouldn't dream of doing.
Reply 10
A lot can change in a year, as the others said, talk to him, tell him your fears.
Anonymous
He had very bad experiences with these girls. They messed him about because of his kind nature. He is one of these who insists of paying for vertually anything, does for me, did for his exs. Generally treats women very well. They both cheated on him....something I wouldn't dream of doing.
But still, to attempt suicide over a girl cheating on you when (I assume) you are under 25...something isn't right is it? Unless you were exaggerating a bit?
But anyway, the point is like these other good folks have said, alot can change in a year and as you have only been together a few months I don't think it is wise to base your life around a guy you haven't been with along time.
Does he want you to go with him?
Reply 12
Bubblebee
Does he want you to go with him?
Does he want you to go with him?
It's a bit early to consider that. I think his problems in the past are because he has got too attached to these girls. He fell for me very quickly, even said he loved me after we had been together just over a week
which actually shocked me because it normally takes awhile for that to build up.....Reply 13
Bubblebee
But still, to attempt suicide over a girl cheating on you when (I assume) you are under 25...something isn't right is it? Unless you were exaggerating a bit?
A guy I knew who lived down the road, committed suicide when he got dumped by his girlfriend
Anonymous
It's a bit early to consider that. I think his problems in the past are because he has got too attached to these girls. He fell for me very quickly, even said he loved me after we had been together just over a week which actually shocked me because it normally takes awhile for that to build up.....
which actually shocked me because it normally takes awhile for that to build up.....I know, I wasn't asking if you had considered it I was asking if he wanted you to.
See, blokes like this are difficult, you want to love them and perhaps you do...it starts out fine but because everything started so fast i.e. saying he loves you...things can fall apart faster too, and when that happens you will always be the bad guy.
I have had two of my ex boyfriends threaten to hurt themselves or me if I left, which I did pronto! The point of a relationship is not to attach yourself bodily to a person to become one uber-grat-mega-person as so many couples do early on in a relationship but instead to compliment each others personalitly.
If he left and you didn't go, would be be heartbroken? Would he make you go with him? Or would he abandon his plans?
In my own, honest opinion, and flame me if you like ( ****, burn me at the stake if you care to, I've had experience with this type of thing), but I would advise you to get out of there as soon as possible. Before you get trapped or he gets too emotionally attached.
There, I have said my piece.
Reply 15
A guy saying he loves you every day and being clingy every day means he has problems upstairs. He's not a full shilling. Maybe he has low self esteem/a tiny penis and is showering girls with presents to hide it/make up for it. So they think he's a pushover/doormat. Easy to see why he got cheated on. Money and gifts are no replacement for feelings and some actual emotional connection.
TBH, it sounds bad trying to kill yourself over little girls. You'd likely be better off without him. End it as soon as, find someone compus mentus.
Its just a bit shallow to say 'oh he's so great, he gives me loads of money and gifts'. But he's still going abroad next year, and has he actually showed you how much you mean to him? I mean, its kind of hollow to think money = love.
TBH, it sounds bad trying to kill yourself over little girls. You'd likely be better off without him. End it as soon as, find someone compus mentus.
Its just a bit shallow to say 'oh he's so great, he gives me loads of money and gifts'. But he's still going abroad next year, and has he actually showed you how much you mean to him? I mean, its kind of hollow to think money = love.
Reply 16
He sounds really clingy. You've only been together 2 months and he already keeps saying that he loves you?
Anonymous
I love my boyfriend with all my heart and our relationship is great. Hes the only boyfriend I have had that has treat me right. My ex was really nasty to me and cheated on me and other lads have treat me very bad in the past. My current boyfriend really cares about me and tells me he loves me all the time.
However, I know eventually I will lose him. When he finishes his degree he wants to emigrate abroad while I want to stay in in the UK and train to become a teacher. He has been accepted into the country so can go when ever he wants. This is in just over a year by the way. It upsets me even though we have only been together 2 months. I really don't want to finish with him but I've been thinking about it...I will be hurt if I do finish with him now, I will be depressed and so will he. Also what worries me is the fact he tried to commit suicide when he finished with 2 of his ex girlfriends, I don't want him doing the same thing about me.
Its just thinking about the future and how if we are together when he does go over how much more it will hurt me. If I finish with him now the break-up will be less painful even though still painful.....I feel bad now actually but haven't told him....he has feelings that there is something wrong but I've just told him I'm fine...
So what should I do? Finish with him and be depressed or stay with him and have over a year of happiness (with knowing the fact I know our relationship will end anyway)? I do really care about him and don't want to hurt him....
However, I know eventually I will lose him. When he finishes his degree he wants to emigrate abroad while I want to stay in in the UK and train to become a teacher. He has been accepted into the country so can go when ever he wants. This is in just over a year by the way. It upsets me even though we have only been together 2 months. I really don't want to finish with him but I've been thinking about it...I will be hurt if I do finish with him now, I will be depressed and so will he. Also what worries me is the fact he tried to commit suicide when he finished with 2 of his ex girlfriends, I don't want him doing the same thing about me.
Its just thinking about the future and how if we are together when he does go over how much more it will hurt me. If I finish with him now the break-up will be less painful even though still painful.....I feel bad now actually but haven't told him....he has feelings that there is something wrong but I've just told him I'm fine...
So what should I do? Finish with him and be depressed or stay with him and have over a year of happiness (with knowing the fact I know our relationship will end anyway)? I do really care about him and don't want to hurt him....
To be fair, nobody knows where they would be in a year's time, nobody knows what they would want in a year's time. 4 years ago I thought I wanted to be a psychologist. 2 years ago I thought I wanted to be a scientist. A year ago I thought I wanted to be a Neuroscientist and work in science for the rest of my life. Today I am studying Art History. 11 years ago I thought I would be in HK all my life and never dreamt that I'd speak English. Today I'm more English than I am Chinese and I'm better at English than I am at Chinese. A year ago I thought I would stay in England all my life. Today I am considering emigrating to Germany - or at least the possibility is there. 9 years ago I thought I would never marry a westerner and will marry only a Chinese person. Today I cannot see myself marrying a Chinese for the clash in culture and have always envisioned myself married to an Englishman. I am currently dating a German.
Point is - who knows? How do you know you will still want to stay in the UK in a year's time? Who's to say your bf won't wanna stay in the UK after all? And if you stay in there and give it time, if the relationship is worth anything, you will come to a compromise - maybe by that time you will be important enough to each other for either one of you to stay in/leave this country for the other - but that's not a question you will be able to answer right now. And if in the end it doesn't work out, at least you can say you gave it your best shot - but then at least you will KNOW he's not the one for you, as opposed to have abandoned a perfectly good relationship that could've lasted simply out of fear of pain.
I know it's easier said than done - my bf has always insisted that he wants to go home, back to Germany. I don't speak German at all, and my degree (Art History) is very writing/reading based (obviously) and that will likely be the sort of jobs I want - and how on earth am I to go for such a job if my German skills are not up to scratch in Germany? But in the end, my bf might stay in England after all if we were to marry - but he isn't exactly gonna leave his home for merely a girlfriend. And in 3 years' time, who's to say my German wouldn't be good enough? I don't know, and I worry all the time, but in the end, I'm gonna give it a shot. Call me foolish, but I'd rather know, than to simply assume that I know. I love this crazy German guy, and I don't know if it's gonna work out, but I'm gonna try and make this work, you know?
Talk to him, discuss your worries with him and see what he says. Good relationship comes with good communication
Good luck x Reply 18
JacquesNoir
A guy saying he loves you every day and being clingy every day means he has problems upstairs. He's not a full shilling. Maybe he has low self esteem/a tiny penis and is showering girls with presents to hide it/make up for it. So they think he's a pushover/doormat. Easy to see why he got cheated on.
Just because someone's a pushover/doormat, doesn't mean that someone has to exploit this; it's no excuse.
JacquesNoir
TBH, it sounds bad trying to kill yourself over little girls. You'd likely be better off without him. End it as soon as, find someone compus mentus.
Who the Hell are you, to judge? You have no idea as to this guy's past situations.
JacquesNoir
Its just a bit shallow to say 'oh he's so great, he gives me loads of money and gifts'. But he's still going abroad next year, and has he actually showed you how much you mean to him? I mean, its kind of hollow to think money = love.
When did she mention money?
Anonymous
He sounds really clingy. You've only been together 2 months and he already keeps saying that he loves you?
What, actually, is so bad about a guy who really likes/loves a girl, early on into the relationship? Is there some rule that says that you're not allowed to love a partner until you've been them for six months? For seven months? For a year? Why shouldn't you love someone early on, if you've established that you really like his/her personality?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'd act like this guy is doing, but people do seem to be rather blowing things out of proportion.
JacquesNoir
A guy saying he loves you every day and being clingy every day means he has problems upstairs. He's not a full shilling. Maybe he has low self esteem/a tiny penis and is showering girls with presents to hide it/make up for it. So they think he's a pushover/doormat. Easy to see why he got cheated on. Money and gifts are no replacement for feelings and some actual emotional connection.
TBH, it sounds bad trying to kill yourself over little girls. You'd likely be better off without him. End it as soon as, find someone compus mentus.
Its just a bit shallow to say 'oh he's so great, he gives me loads of money and gifts'. But he's still going abroad next year, and has he actually showed you how much you mean to him? I mean, its kind of hollow to think money = love.
TBH, it sounds bad trying to kill yourself over little girls. You'd likely be better off without him. End it as soon as, find someone compus mentus.
Its just a bit shallow to say 'oh he's so great, he gives me loads of money and gifts'. But he's still going abroad next year, and has he actually showed you how much you mean to him? I mean, its kind of hollow to think money = love.
Since when has a declaration of love been a negative thing? Are you just jealous? My bf tells me he loves me all the time, and I respond in kind, and we give each other random presents - but we're by no means, either of us, a push-over.
The OP did not mention money - and why is being given presents NOT to be a good thing? It's not a definitive sign, but it is a sign nonetheless that a guy cares for you - and in case you haven't read the original post - this guy treats her right, so there's obviously emotional connection and sincere care there, which means the presents aren't hollow but actual signs of affection.
Considering how absurd you think suicide over a girl/guy is, you've obviously never been in love and have your heart broken. I suppose you could call it fortune or tragedy, or both.
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