AS Level writing on French Rev

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gls1999
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Hi this is my essay so far on the third estate in ancient regime france. Haven't really been told how to structure essays at a level and tbh I've forgotten from GCSE so it'd really help if anybody can give me any improvements to make and how to structure it well

Why did the Third Estate consider itself to be Disadvantaged?

Of all three estates,it is clear the third was the worst to be in. They had no privileges and had to participate in forced labour. Inequality was rife. In Ancien Regimé France the rich paid little to no tax whilst the poor paid the most. Understandably this made members of the Third Estate angry and this inequality can be considered a catalyst for the revolution. Many factors,that will be discussed,put the common people of the Third Estate at a distinct disadvantage in 18th Century French society.The Third Estate was split into two parts: The Bourgeoisie and the Peasantry. The richer of the two was the Bourgeoisie who doctors,merchants and businessmen all fell under. They were rich commoners. As crucial as they were to the tax revenue paid to the crown,they had no privileges and still took part in Corvée (forced and unpaid labour). This meant they were not particularly powerful and of course put them at a disadvantage. 85% of the French population consisted of peasants. They ranged from large farmers who owned land to serfs.
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JumpingFun
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(Original post by gls1999)
Hi this is my essay so far on the third estate in ancient regime france. Haven't really been told how to structure essays at a level and tbh I've forgotten from GCSE so it'd really help if anybody can give me any improvements to make and how to structure it well

Why did the Third Estate consider itself to be Disadvantaged?

Of all the three estates, it is clear that the third was the worst to be in. They had no privileges and had to participate in forced labour. Inequality was rife. In Ancien Regimé in France the rich paid little to no tax whilst the poor paid the most. Understandably this made members of the Third Estate angry and this inequality can be considered as the catalyst for the revolution. Many factors, that will be discussed, put the common people of the Third Estate at a distinct disadvantage in the 18th Century French society. The Third Estate was split into two parts: The Bourgeoisie and the Peasantry. The richer of the two was the Bourgeoisie, which included doctors, merchants and businessmen. They were rich commoners. As crucial as they were to the tax revenue paid to the crown, they had no privileges and still took part in Corvée (forced and unpaid labour). This meant they were not particularly powerful and of course put them at a disadvantage. 85% of the French population consisted of peasants. They ranged from large farmers who owned land to serfs.
You need to first structure it as you would any type of paper. You basically have everything you need written in this one paragraph, but now you need to improve it.

Start with an introcution and make sure to mention all the differents parts of society out of wich the Third Estate stands out. The last sentence of your introduction should be your thesis statement. The thesis statement should contain at least three ideas you will be discussing in the paper. For example:
The Third Estate didn't have enough rights, was forced to pay too many taxes, .... and this in the end led to the revolution.

Then in the next three paragraphs you talk about each of the topics with transitional sentences connecting each of the paragraphs.

The last should be the conclusion. It should start with a restated thesis statement and wind down the topic. Perhaps you can get some help structuring you idea here - http://goo.gl/RHXaS5 I sometimes get help here when I"m stuck and don't know where to go next in the paper.
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