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how to tell her that we are all worried...?

my group of friends and i are all worried about the ammount of weight that one of our friends is loosing and the speed at which she is doing so following being ill last year, she now thinks its perfectly acceptable not to eat at all during the day.

we are all cowards and are afraid of telling her to her face...

how do we tell her that she's too thin and is ill?

Reply 1

Angelil

19

Tricky one.

Is she the sort of person who would open up if one of you asked how things were generally? Or would she go all defensive/pretend everything's fine?

If the latter, you all need to talk to her about it seriously. Don't push one of your group of friends into doing it, do it as a group so that she knows you're all concerned and that it's not just one of you being a bit of a crackpot :wink:

I don't really know what else to suggest I'm afraid.

Reply 2

lilac!!

15

Sounds exactly like me 1 year ago and what i would suggest it you guys should just tell her, make her sit down not altogether but maybe get one of her close friends to explain it to her in a clam and serious way. Explain what damage it can cause to her and risks of it. And i also suggest you tell her parents.

Reply 3

The_Bear

13

Depends, is your friend michelle mcmanus? Because thats a good thing

Reply 4

tigerladie

id say just one of you go to her and talk to her so she doesnt feel crowded and try and be sensitive.

But yeh its difficult,

Reply 5

Jennybean

13

Angelil

If the latter, you all need to talk to her about it seriously. Don't push one of your group of friends into doing it, do it as a group so that she knows you're all concerned and that it's not just one of you being a bit of a crackpot :wink:

I think this is a really important point actually, but I would say do it as a group regardless of her nature. This is because often people who have a problem with food will be very good at making up excuses and plausible reasons for their behaviour. If you try it one on one, chances are she'll be able to win you over or convince you that she doesn't have a problem. Just make sure that if you do it as a group, you're all prepared to back each other up and not get swayed so that only a couple of people are trying to argue the case. Just base everything you say in how much you care about her and want her to be happy and healthy. Chances are she won't want to admit she has a problem and that she'll say some pretty outrageous stuff to try and get out of it, and this may include things like accusing you of being jealous so make sure you're not going to take it personally. Good luck :smile:

Also, Bear, stop making stupid comments. Even if you're the fattest person on earth, starving the weight off is not healthy.

Reply 6

artorscience?

OP

11

well i know she wouldnt open up to me, there are a couple of people to whom she might. but i think she is likely to just tell us that she's fine and just feeling a bit sick 'today' and thats why she's not eating.

thanks for the suggestions.

Reply 7

sufiankane

2

well personally if this was me and a bunch of guys, i would just go outright wow omg you are losing so much weight? how are you doing it? is that healthy? trust me its not...and then make up a name and get a made up story of how a person got in hospital yadi yadi ya

Reply 8

Leigh

15

Maybe instead of putting her on the spot, first just one of you, in private say to her "We're all concerned about you" (keep it general to avoid confrontation) "and we want you to know we're all here if you need to talk to us about anything".
See if that leads to her confiding in any of you of her own accord.

Reply 9

Suis Je Bovvered ?

15

artorscience?

my group of friends and i are all worried about the ammount of weight that one of our friends is loosing and the speed at which she is doing so following being ill last year, she now thinks its perfectly acceptable not to eat at all during the day.

we are all cowards and are afraid of telling her to her face...

how do we tell her that she's too thin and is ill?

You guys need to be a little brave and sit her down, tell her you need to talk to her about something serious, in private. Explain to her that you care about her and love her etc which is why you must tell her your concerns. Explain how worried you are and the potential risks of not eating through the day. Don't have a go at her about it, be as gentle on the subject as you can, because it could possibly go deeper than she is letting on.

Ask her is something i bothering her, and remind her that you're her friends and that you care about her very much, so if there is anything bothering her she can always talk to you guys in confidence.

Good luck :smile:

how to tell her that we are all worried...?

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