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Wanting to get out of a long term relationship but feeling really guilty.
old
(edited 7 years ago)
What you're feeling sounds perfectly normal to me; you're only 18 and you've been in a relationship with the one girl for such a long time. It's nicer to be honest and if you genuinely feel this is the right thing to do (no-one on here can tell you either way) then you ought to do it as soon as possible. If you're too scared, then you could wait until you both go to uni, but that does seem rather dishonest and cowardly. You seem to have the right attitude towards this in your post; it's a while until the summer exams and you should both have time to get over it if you split up with her now. I wouldn't worry about the friends situation - if you have good enough friends then you'll be able to get through this fine...don't worry about not having people to go to the pub with. I am awaiting the consequences of splitting up with my ex - I did it over the phone; no other choice, he's at uni in Scarborough - but at Easter I'll see if we can still hang out together and with mutual friends. I don't really hang out with many people at home anyway, but I do have separate groups of friends do him, which should help. It doesn't mean that you won't still be able to hang out socially eventually.
Who knows, she might have been having similar thoughts and will be grateful to you for having brought up the subject.
Good luck.
Who knows, she might have been having similar thoughts and will be grateful to you for having brought up the subject.
Good luck.
Reply 2
I totally get what you mean, my boyfriend and I are going through the exact same thing. I'm already at uni and he's going this year. We love each other to bits but at the same time, we've been together so long we both sometimes feel the desire to break up, its playing havoc with us at the moment because we don't want to break up, we may never find something this good again, but we can't carry on the way we are.
I'd say definitely talk about it, and you will have to break up with her, because its unfair for both of you in the long run to be in a relationship that you're not fully committed to. It's going to hurt her whichever way you do it, its a sad fact of the end of a relationship, but you have to learn not to blame yourself because you can't change the way you feel.
Good luck x x x
I'd say definitely talk about it, and you will have to break up with her, because its unfair for both of you in the long run to be in a relationship that you're not fully committed to. It's going to hurt her whichever way you do it, its a sad fact of the end of a relationship, but you have to learn not to blame yourself because you can't change the way you feel.
Good luck x x x
Reply 3
You don't sound at all happy, hun. And having no-one to go to the pub with you is not a good enough reason to stay with your girlfriend! If i found out my boyfriend was only with me so he could socialise, I would be devistated.
The best advice I can give you is to explain your feelings to her. Not in a "destination dumpsville, population you", kinda way... But tell her how you feel about the whole picture and hope she understands. The best senario is that you can remain friends.
Good luck.
The best advice I can give you is to explain your feelings to her. Not in a "destination dumpsville, population you", kinda way... But tell her how you feel about the whole picture and hope she understands. The best senario is that you can remain friends.
Good luck.
Reply 4
You can't put a time scale on a relationship, it would seem as though your counting down until your break up. Its not at all fair to either of you.
One thing u must ask yourself is do you love her? if its a "no" or "i'm not sure" then break up. You both deserve alot more. i think its quite clear though that ur love died a while ago and to have stayed with her in hope that the feelings might change was the right thing, but now to drag it out its just wrong.
Tell her. Would u want to be with someone who was feeling the same way?
I hope everything works out for u! x
One thing u must ask yourself is do you love her? if its a "no" or "i'm not sure" then break up. You both deserve alot more. i think its quite clear though that ur love died a while ago and to have stayed with her in hope that the feelings might change was the right thing, but now to drag it out its just wrong.
Tell her. Would u want to be with someone who was feeling the same way?
I hope everything works out for u! x
Reply 5
I did love her once. Maybe i still do but i am not sure anymore. I just think im going out with her because its my comfort zone and im afraid i will never have it so good 
.
.God, I'm really sorry, I for some reason assumed that you were a girl! Sorry sorry sorry 
if you're confused about it, it sounds to me like you gradually becoming more distant or not being honest would make her feel worse...it's a hard decision to make, but the sooner you decide to split up with her, the sooner you can go to being friends? This is presuming you will, you might not, it just sounds like that's what you really want to do. Good luck.
if you're confused about it, it sounds to me like you gradually becoming more distant or not being honest would make her feel worse...it's a hard decision to make, but the sooner you decide to split up with her, the sooner you can go to being friends? This is presuming you will, you might not, it just sounds like that's what you really want to do. Good luck.Related discussions
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