nothing...

Hey all,

I think that this is more of me getting stuff out of my head, but outside views would really be appreciated too.

I live in halls with my boyfriend, we've been together since the start of the (uni) year and, to be frank, he's my only real friend in uni. I've got nobody except him. I've got lots of acquaintances and people I'm friendly with, but no proper friends.

Anyway, I've noticed we've been arguning a LOT recently, over every single little thing. I'm just loosing my patience with him so quickly, no matter how hard I try not to. It's driving me crazy. He's snappy and moody, reading into everything I say and do so much. He tells me he eg. wants a bit of alone time at night, then moans at me for not coming to see him; tells me he wants me to leave him alone to go to bed, then stops me from going then gets annoyed that I'm still there. I realise it could just be a bit of cabin fever but there's more to it than this.

I realise all relationships are hard work, but I really feel like ours has lost it's sparkle too quickly. We don't do anything exciting (or I don't get excited about anything we do anymore) and I don't get excited to see him anymore. Before, when he kissed me or told me he loved me I'd get a rush of excitement and feelings, now I don't. I just say it back like an auto response. I don't think I'm only saying it for the sake of it, I do still love him, I've never had someone understand me so well, but the times when I say it back and I've got that big rush of feelings inside me telling me how much I mean it are getting fewer and less frequent.

I know it's a horrible thing to say about him because I know how much this one would knock his confidence, but I don't even enjoy our sexlife. I never really have, It's never been earth moving, but it's even worse now. If I want something, by the time I've got him warmed up to the idea and got his attention, I've lost interst as it all becomes about how he's determined to pleasure me first and then, after he's realised it's not working, it's all about him, it's over and he gets up and goes back to watching tv/internet/whatever he was doing before.

I don't know, it's a bit of a catch 22. I kind of wish he'd pay me a bit more attention, and I mean attention because he wants to, not because he feels he has to to stop arguments, but I know that if that happenned it would only cause more arguments because he'd feel obligated.

I'm sorry this has been one long moan. This is my first proper relationship and I've never been in this situation. Is this normal? I don't want to break up with him, I don't know what I'd do without him, but I'm wondering now if that's part of the problem - I don't know what I'd do without him...

Any insight? I'm at the end of my teather here... :frown:

Reply 1

Jelkin

Ouch

I've been in this situation before (it happens to a lot of people), but not for a long time and I'm afraid I can't think of any particularly ingenious advice ... maybe you could try talking to him about it, albeit selectively and tactfully? Mention obvious things about how you've been fighting a lot. I know this would be really really hard to do without crushing him, but you could suggest a bit of a break? Not breaking up, not seeing others, just having a little bit of time apart to assess your relationship. You'd probably miss each other like crazy :smile:

In the meantime, I bet most of these "acquaintances" wouldn't mind you going out with them in a group some of the time, why don't you just ask if you can tag along and get chatting? Good luck x

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I think you need to tell him that you love him but he's driving you crazy. Tell him you don't want to hurt him but you're at the end of your teather and see what he says. Hope it helps!

Reply 3

Bubblebee

You sound bizzarely like my friend, only I know she would never say it to me, it's plain to see when a couple is unhappy.

TBH I think your problem is that you rushed into a relationship faar to quickly at the start of university, so rather than you concentrating on developing friendships you 'abandoned' those who could have been closer to you in order to make things work with your guy.

I'd say, take some time out from it, not a break as such but just spend some time doing your own thing...find out if your aquaintences are going out and join them, don't keep ditching potential friends for your boyfriend.
It gets very tedious when someone you are trying to be mates with only seems to want you when their boyfriend isnt around :frown:

Infact what has happened to my friend is, I'm the only one out of our group who will invite her out...even though i try to remember her and why I like her it is hard because she seems to put no effort in.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks to everyone so far. Lol it's the good advice I don't want to take but raelly need to hear :s-smilie:

Anyone who's in/been in this sort of relationship, is this normal or can you get through it? I don't want to loose him but I don't know how much more I can take :s-smilie:

Reply 5

Jelkin

The last two relationships I was in turned like yours, except that it wasn't that we argued, just that I suddenly started finding really stupid things annoying. They didn't last and I doubt they ever would. The one before those became a really argumentative one, and it caused a lot of problems in our friendship group because everyone got annoyed that we only spent time with each other. We just kept arguing more and more and eventually split up. But that doesn't mean yours has to go the same way! I definitely think a break is a good idea, and then you can concentrate on making some fun girly friends. :smile: