End of things?

Dear Forum,

I would be very grateful if you could provide a different perspective on this.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years (we are both in our mid 20s). Last september, I started a postgrad course and moved away (2 1/2hrs away by train). To make an effort (and to get away from some really irritating corridor uni mates) I tend to come home (family home) every fortnight. The problem is with my relationship. Before leaving home, I used to meet up with my boyf nearly every weekend. He would almost always call every other day, if not every day. Now, since I've left, I hardly hear from him at all. He hasnt called in over 2 weeks-although we have 'spoken' on MSN. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions. I have asked him about this and he said that he will always be supportive and will always love me and that I shouldn't worry. The problem is I do! The distance is driving me mad, and its really frustrating when he doesnt return my calls (I call every other day) and texts, or even visit when I return home for the weekends. I have only since him once in 6 months.

At the moment, he said his priority is to save up for a place of his own and help his family out financially. As a result he works 7 days a week. I totally understand this and try to give him as much space as he wants but I cant help feel a little rejected. Another issue is that he has yet to complete his undergrad degree, but Im on my fourth degree. I wonder if this has become an issue. I wonder if his pride is a little dented, as he has always wanted to get a degree to feel that he has accomplished something. Im a very career focused person-but he knows that he means more to me than my degrees.

He has however said that he wants me to network with people at uni, meet new academic people, develop new friendships and excell academicaly, establish independence and grow personally. So maybe thats it?!?!

Anyway, thanks for reading! Any comments/advice would be welcomed!

Reply 1

Jelkin

RedDevil25

At the moment, he said his priority is to save up for a place of his own and help his family out financially. As a result he works 7 days a week.

Wow, he must be exhausted all the time - I think perhaps this is the root of his not calling you. I can see why you'd feel rejected, but perhaps he thinks that the MSN time is a enough because he doesn't have the energy to be contacting you all the time. I think he sounds like a really nice guy, and he obviously wants you to succeed which is lovely! I'd try to worry less if I were you.

Reply 2

Jonah Ramone

Distance things can be hard, especially if both parties aren't (or don't seem) as committed as each other. The fact that he doesn't call as much could be because you aren't there, so there are other things playing on his mind that distract him from you. The fact he doesn't return your calls or texts could be that he doesn't have any credit but, I doubt that it is just that. He really should make an effort. Maybe he doesn't want you to be calling him all the time? I can't speak for him, of course, I think talking with ones partner is very important.

The fact you haven't seen him in 6 months however is a little more worrying. He has effectively told you 'to get out more and meet new people'. Maybe, and I don't want to have to say it, but maybe the distance relationship has got too much for him, and he thinks it'd be better if you had someone who was with you?

Obviously a 5 year relationship is a long one, so I'd be surprised if he was to let it drop so easily, so maybe there is something wrong that he doesn't want/can't tell you over the phone.

I think next time you go home you need to make sure you talk face to face. Don't get angry or frustrated but try to talk to him about this, and consider the options, as it were.

Hope that helps in some way.

Reply 3

jbcubed3

From what you've said, it seems you guiys have grown a really strong bond. I think that perhaps he wants a little bit of space between you guys, not in a physical sense but in terms of getting on with his own thing, and letting you get on with yours.

establish independence and grow personally

I think that's one of the reasons perhaps why he's being a little distant. It's good that you're in good talking terms, and it's good you still meet up in person. He seems pretty busy too, with all the working and dedication to his family too - perhaps his mind is very different places.

I would trust him, afterall you do have a strong relationship from the looks of things - he's pledged his love and support for you, so I would stick to it and believe in what he's saying; he seems like a top guy.

Maybe arrange a time where you can both meet - a day or two where you be together, rekindle your distance relationship and talk things through.