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Wrong to dump him if it turns out he's not ill?
I've been with my boyfriend for four months now, and I've become extremely unhappy. I started thinking of ending it a month and a half into the relationship, but things always worked out in the end, I just let it drag on. The last few weeks, dumping him has been the only thing on my mind, and the fact that he didn't get his act together when I told him how I felt didn't help.
The problem is, he's waiting for the results of a medical test for a (possibly) life-threatening disease, and is bereaving the death of a family memeber who died a few days ago. I realise he's not in a position to worry about saving our relationship right now, but the cracks appeared long before these terrible things happened to him.
I'm adamant that if he's ill, I'll stay with him, I'll put up with his ways and give him all my love and support. However, would it be immoral to dump him if it turns out he's not seriously ill after all?
I know most people will slander me for thinking this way, but I can't help it.
The problem is, he's waiting for the results of a medical test for a (possibly) life-threatening disease, and is bereaving the death of a family memeber who died a few days ago. I realise he's not in a position to worry about saving our relationship right now, but the cracks appeared long before these terrible things happened to him.
I'm adamant that if he's ill, I'll stay with him, I'll put up with his ways and give him all my love and support. However, would it be immoral to dump him if it turns out he's not seriously ill after all?
I know most people will slander me for thinking this way, but I can't help it.
I agree that I shouldn't stay with him out of pity... but with everything that's going on at the moment, I'm afraid a break-up might be too much for him. I'm not even sure what's stopping me, pity for him or self-pity.
I wonder if this is what happened to Olivier Martinez & Kylie?
Bit back on the point though: I agree with all the other posters - clearly you have to think of your own happiness too. If it turns out that he has this life threatening disease, it's going to be an immensely stressful time for the both of you and so surely the best thing to do would be to only go through it with him if you truly love him. As you don't, finish it now - otherwise he'll always wonder afterwards if you were only with him during his illness out of pity, which is rather horrible to think about from his perspective. Good luck!
Bit back on the point though: I agree with all the other posters - clearly you have to think of your own happiness too. If it turns out that he has this life threatening disease, it's going to be an immensely stressful time for the both of you and so surely the best thing to do would be to only go through it with him if you truly love him. As you don't, finish it now - otherwise he'll always wonder afterwards if you were only with him during his illness out of pity, which is rather horrible to think about from his perspective. Good luck!
ravenous_soup_dragon
I wonder if this is what happened to Olivier Martinez & Kylie?
Bit back on the point though: I agree with all the other posters - clearly you have to think of your own happiness too. If it turns out that he has this life threatening disease, it's going to be an immensely stressful time for the both of you and so surely the best thing to do would be to only go through it with him if you truly love him. As you don't, finish it now - otherwise he'll always wonder afterwards if you were only with him during his illness out of pity, which is rather horrible to think about from his perspective. Good luck!
Bit back on the point though: I agree with all the other posters - clearly you have to think of your own happiness too. If it turns out that he has this life threatening disease, it's going to be an immensely stressful time for the both of you and so surely the best thing to do would be to only go through it with him if you truly love him. As you don't, finish it now - otherwise he'll always wonder afterwards if you were only with him during his illness out of pity, which is rather horrible to think about from his perspective. Good luck!
it is awfull that things in his life aren't going well, but if you have been unhappy fron six weeks into it and its been 4months then honey you have to be selfish and end it- it'll only drag on and on either way if he is ill or not.
you have have to think of your needs- no one else will do it for you- ending it doesnt mean you can't support him through the out come. in the end you are probably more usefull to him as a friend then a girl friend anyway.
you have have to think of your needs- no one else will do it for you- ending it doesnt mean you can't support him through the out come. in the end you are probably more usefull to him as a friend then a girl friend anyway.
Anonymous
It's the closest I've ever been to being in love. The reason I want to finish it is cause he makes me unhappy.
The closest thing to being in love isn't being in love....If he makes you unhappy, for whatever reason, you must finish it. x
You can stick by this guy without being his girlfriend, what he needs right now is a friend. If you aren't happy then you need to get out as soon as possible. It will be another blow to him and it wont be easy for him to take but you can't stay with someone that you aren't happy with. He is having a tough time but that doesn't mean you stay with him out of pity. Imagine how he would feel if he knew thats why you stayed? He would be crushed. Get out now, it's the only way that you will be happy and in time, he will find happiness too.
It's not like you're married to him. Don't stay when you're unhappy.
Personally I don't think that the above posters have it right. Not because I think you should stay with him if you don't want to if he's ill. But if he's suffering the bereavement of a family member, AND he's waiting for important test results, then I think now would be a pretty harsh time to break up with him. After he gets the test results, then you can decide what you're doing. But this week (or whenever it is he gets the results) is going to be a potentially life-changing one for him and I think that to break up with him now would be harsh - just wait until the results come, then take it day-by-day. Not breaking up with him today doesn't mean you're going to be with him for potentially months, you're not 'signing up' to anything. But until he knows what's going on with his health, I'd just postpone it.
But that's just what I think :]
But that's just what I think :]
Naa... I don't think that's wrong. I mean, don't just dump him straight away as soon as you find out he's not ill, but soon after is fine. If you don't want to be with him, there's no point.
And even if he is ill, that doesn't mean you have to stay with him forever. I know it's a different situation, as in this case it wasn't life threatening, but a friend of mine had a stroke last year (aged only 17, which is really weird). His girlfriend (another friend) stayed with him for a while, because he really needed her support. He's still quite ill now, and has changed a lot, but he's not that bad. She broke up with him several months ago, but she stuck with him through the worst.
You can't stick with someone forever just because they're ill. But it would be harsh to break up with them at a really bad time...
And even if he is ill, that doesn't mean you have to stay with him forever. I know it's a different situation, as in this case it wasn't life threatening, but a friend of mine had a stroke last year (aged only 17, which is really weird). His girlfriend (another friend) stayed with him for a while, because he really needed her support. He's still quite ill now, and has changed a lot, but he's not that bad. She broke up with him several months ago, but she stuck with him through the worst.
You can't stick with someone forever just because they're ill. But it would be harsh to break up with them at a really bad time...
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