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Do you expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you everything?

I was on the phone to my bloke tonight and apparently he has a diary of his travels from last summer. So I was like "oooh can I read it?" and he was like "well no because it contains some personal stuff." So I was getting all upset at him asking him why he should hide stuff from me and I was trying to explain that he should tell me things he doesn't tell anyone else. I've already discussed in the past that he doesn't confide in me enough so this just got me talking about it again.

So I was just wondering just how much your bf/gf is meant to reveal. I don't know why but it kind of distressed me to know that there are things about him I do not know about. Am I overreacting or does everyone have things they won't even share with even their most loved person? I can't think of anything I wouldn't tell him. The way I see it, I think you should tell your partners practically anything.

In the end, he agreed to show me. But that got me even more upset because he didn't want to show me in the first place. Now I'm kind of anxious to read it, because even though he admitted there's not personal deep secrets in there he said there's stuff I'd be inquisitive about like "who's that eh?" and I don't want to discover that he used to fancy like a million girls, for example. Even if it is in the past.

I just want him to confide in me about stuff, but he continually insists that he doesn't have anything to confide about and that he doesn't think about these sort of things.

Reply 1

pikaboo

13

Anonymous

and I don't want to discover that he used to fancy like a million girls, for example.

That's why he won't tell you everything.

Reply 2

Chewwy

17

i don't expect it, no. for example, my girlfriend doesn't let me read her diary, but then diaries are by definition private. i LIKE being open with my girlfriend though, i think it's one of the best things about being in a relationship - having someone you can confide in.

Reply 3

hannah_dru

2

I wouldn't want to read my boyfriend's diary if he had one. I figure that everyone has to have some privacy.
If you're having bad thoughts now then don't read it. You might make yourself worse if you do.

Reply 4

Meep!

9

I expect him to tell me stuff if I ask about it, and he always does anyway. Having said that, I've been with him a long time, and I do trust him, and therefore don't feel the need to demand him to reveal everything.
There are many things that I'm curious about, but wouldn't ask about, though, like previous gf's etc. That sort of stuff, I feel, is not something he should have to tell me. That's in the past.

Reply 5

pikaboo

13

Yeah, concentrate on his feelings about the present and the future :smile:

(especially the present if it's not a long-term relationship...lol)

Reply 6

high priestess fnord

9

hell no! of course i expect him to be open and honest with me but i dont expect him to tell me every little detail of his life.

everyone needs some space and it sounds like you are being clingy and insecure. let the man breath.

Reply 7

g2da3

11

to be honest i dont really want too know everything about my girlfriend she may tell me somethink i never ever wanted to here and that can emss up the relationship
if i wanted to know somethink i will jst ask her :biggrin:

Reply 8

Anthonyjm71

9

yes a diary is personal/private and the privacy should respect that with the person conserned.If they have wriiten personal/private things about you both do get the problem obviously if they are hiding something from you then you're going to pick that up with how they are around you being in there presents.

Reply 9

LipGloss

Respect his privacy. It's upto him how much he wants to share with you. Anyway, a guy who is secretive is better than a liar. :smile:

Reply 10

L0RA

9

The thing is, people are always alot more open with you if you're an open minded person and by him telling you things thats happened in his past it wont affect your feelings. It doesnt sounds like its the case with your relationship because you say you dont want to know hes fancied a million girls, well havent you fancied a million boys? I highly doubt you're the only person hes been attracted to in his life.

Never ask questions you dont want to hear the answers to and never pretend that you can cope with hearing about someones past if you cant.

Reply 11

lil'p

10

my gf tells me everything

but i never ask her to

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

L0RA

The thing is, people are always alot more open with you if you're an open minded person and by him telling you things thats happened in his past it wont affect your feelings. It doesnt sounds like its the case with your relationship because you say you dont want to know hes fancied a million girls, well havent you fancied a million boys? I highly doubt you're the only person hes been attracted to in his life.

Never ask questions you dont want to hear the answers to and never pretend that you can cope with hearing about someones past if you cant.

Good points. Thing is, I do want to know what his diary said but there again I'm scared to find out. He was joking with me that I might never view him the same again if I read it - he was obviously joking but it just made me think is there really anything that bad in there. :s-smilie:

I get really insecure. It's not that I don't trust him or anything it's just that I like to know everything about the guy I'm dating... because that means to me that he tells me stuff and trusts me. It's not the content so much that I'm bothered about.

Reply 13

person 34

9

lil'p

my gf tells me everything

but i never ask her to

Haha.

I tell my bf basically everything, but I'm a pretty open person. I have had to weave my way around certain stories at times though.

Reply 14

King Hippo

9

While I do believe that you should hide nothing from your partner, I do think diaries are the exception.

A diary is where you store all your deepest (and sometimes darkest) thoughts and worries, and is a very personal thing.

The fact that he's eventually buckled to your pressure and is letting you read his diary suggests that there's nothing dodgy in it, but if I was him I'd be really annnoyed that you're effectively forcing him to give up his privacy.

Sharing each other's secrets is important in a relationship, but it's a privilege, not a right.

Reply 15

hippieglitter

19

No, not everything, i expect him to tell me some things, but if he doesn't want to tell me something i believe he has a good reason not to.

Reply 16

sufiankane

2

they should hide what they want. even they are your partner they are always entitiled to their own privacy no matter how close they are to someone. obviously muindane things should be shared but something you are adamant against sharing should remain that way.

Reply 17

HereFishyFishy

13

In an ideal world it would be nice to share everything, but it's never going to happen. Things like past relationships, very embarrassing situations and even negative thoughts about you (it's bound to happen on occasions) aren't something that the typical person is going to want to share.
Of course, you should always discuss the important things, but there are going to be thoughts that you keep to yourself.

Reply 18

Olatunde

I do not think he should tell you everything about his past as it might cause a lot of misunderstanding, especially if your relationship is still young.

Reply 19

Yoda

12

No way. Telling everything always ends up ****. My mate wants to tell his girlfriend everything, but fortunatly he asks me to filter out what to say and not to say. Though when he doesn't listen, theres a few arguments. I personally won't agree, unless they get really cranky about it. Then its just like "sure, I'll tell you everything", but let her know non verbally that its a load of *******s.

Basically, if you get all cranky and keep annoying him with "who's that" every time, of course he isn't going to tell you things. Make him want to tell you, don't force him.

Do you expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you everything?

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