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Fallen for BF's mate (long)

when a friend of my bf started to be flirty, i asked around. everyone i asked said he was like that with everyone, but after lengthy msn and text conversations, he seemed to be acting different around me. whilst pushing the appearance of a playboy- he's actually really caring- and i helped him through a lot of trouble with his selfish, money grabbing girlfriend.

after a while, i started to get used to it until suddenly, he announced that he loved me. i just assumed he was mistaking a girl that didnt faun over him to be "the one" and foolishly kept contact. after a time i found myself caring a lot for him too. i told my bf about what he had said, and he didnt seem at all bothered. i stupidly kept in regular- and increasingly sexual- text contact. just the other day he said he was going to make the first move to tell his girlfriend and i freaked out, telling him to forget any emotion he has for me.

thing is, i didnt actually realise until i stopped talking to him how much i miss him. ive been crying on and off for three days, and i've not stopped drinking yet. my boyfriend hasnt actually noticed because my mannerisms when drunk are just exaggerations, and i passed off the crying for being period emotions.
i dont know what to do, and i cant get in touch with him.

Reply 1

high priestess fnord

9

break up with your bf and ffs if your going to do something with his friend leave it for at least a few months

Reply 2

Louise88

You need to end things with your boyfriend if you aren't happy, He doesn't deserve to be messed around. It seems to me that you don't care about your boyfriend or his feelings so let him find someone who does. If you want to mess around with his friend then fine, but have the decency to finish with your boyfriend first.

Reply 3

L i b

19

high priestess fnord

break up with your bf and ffs if your going to do something with his friend leave it for at least a few months

^ Simple insight there.

Reply 4

username47781

20

Clearly you are not happy with your boyfriend

Reply 5

khil

15

Well at least this guy has the guts to commit to you and break it off with his current gf before pursuing you properly, so he's serious. So consider whether you want a relationship with this guy, have a good chat with him, then decide whether you wanna break it off with your bf and start something with this guy instead.

Ring the friend up and tell him that you're confused and you need to talk. You can't sort it out without talking with him. And you don't wanna break it off with your bf just to realise the friend has changed his mind.

Reply 6

Jennybean

13

Anonymous

ive been crying on and off for three days, and i've not stopped drinking yet. my boyfriend hasnt actually noticed because my mannerisms when drunk are just exaggerations, and i passed off the crying for being period emotions.
i dont know what to do, and i cant get in touch with him.

To be honest with you, this right here is reason enough to end things with your boyfriend in my opinion! How can he not have noticed that his girlfriend is seriously upset over something? Sounds like you two don't really have that much of a bond anyway. Do the decent thing and break up with him. Tell the friend that if he is at all serious about you, he needs to finish with his girlfriend and let that one settle down for a while, plus you're going to need to wait for a while out of respect for your boyfriend, and if they are at all close, the friend should probably run it by your (ex)boyfriend before anything happens as it will destroy the friendship otherwise. Though to be honest I doubt all this will have a happy ending....

Reply 7

supernova2

11

Jennybean

To be honest with you, this right here is reason enough to end things with your boyfriend in my opinion! How can he not have noticed that his girlfriend is seriously upset over something? Sounds like you two don't really have that much of a bond anyway. Do the decent thing and break up with him. Tell the friend that if he is at all serious about you, he needs to finish with his girlfriend and let that one settle down for a while, plus you're going to need to wait for a while out of respect for your boyfriend, and if they are at all close, the friend should probably run it by your (ex)boyfriend before anything happens as it will destroy the friendship otherwise. Though to be honest I doubt all this will have a happy ending....

Thats right, put the blame on the boyfriend because shes been sending sexual texts to his mate and getting really involved with him. Brilliant.

Reply 8

Soul Rebel

12

haha!

to be fair though her BF didnt care when she said his mate told her he loved her, what does that say about the relationship.

i dont agree with the flirtatious texts but hey if you like this guy follow it up.

Reply 9

Jennybean

13

supernova2

Thats right, put the blame on the boyfriend because shes been sending sexual texts to his mate and getting really involved with him. Brilliant.

I never said blame the guy, God if you think that's what I was implying I'm horrified! I have no patience with behaviour like the OP's. I think it's disgraceful personally, but I do get a little fed up with the holier-than-thou H&R dwellers just condemning every person who starts threads like this so tried to at least give constructive advice. I wasn't so much commenting on either one of their behaviour, more on their relationship and bond as a whole.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

You sound like an utterly horrible girlfriend-- this mate is going to be roughed up by your boyfriend...

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Actually, no, forget that, if you want consructive advice then I think you need to start talking with your boyfriend about this, but I know that if he feels the way i do about my girlfriend he will be so so heartbroken...

Reply 12

username47781

20

Guess she just wants to have her cake and eat it.

Fallen for BF's mate (long)

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