The Student Room Group

ex, and still hurting

hey

i've had a new bf for the past 5 weeks, and i really like him, but it's all new relationship uncertaintly really atm.

but i really thought i was over my ex. we split up in aug, but were stil in contact, which was a mistake, until january.

i definately don't wanna get back wit him, thinking abuot it realistically, he has changed so he annoys me so much (if i just think about him). and so far this is one of the best years at uni for me, but the only year with him not being here (he's on his year abroad)...

but why does it stil hurt when i think abot him and his new gf, (who he's really really happy with) or even him in general?? i still can't figure it out. i really thought i am over him! it doens't make logical sense... i know he's not wasting his timoe thinkin abuot me, and that hurts too..but why do i let it??!

i still don't wanna talk to him either (was my idea to stop talking to him in jan)...does that mean anything?!?!!? argh....i just want to stop caring!

xxxxxx
Reply 1
Don't worry, feelings will always be there, as i have for many of my ex's lol....but the main problem is...for some odd reason we forget the bad points and remember the good points of the relationship which in turn makes you miss them...time is a great healer.....try and move on as best as you can and enjoy the moments you can have with your current boyfriend....hell, i'v been with my current g/f for over 4 years, if we ever break up...its gonna play hell with my head but i know eventually people move on....

Try to think of the future and the happiness you can have, rather than whats already been done and is now history.
Reply 2
argh...thanx for ure reply...

i'm also scared that i'll get over it, but then all these feelings will come back the next time i see him, which hopefully be a long time away in oct when the new year starts and he's back from abroad. but i just don't wanna have to deal with these feelings anymore! i'm sick of being so emotional abot a guy that obviosuly doesn't care about me anymore, and honestly i dont' wanna care about him like this anymore either!

xxxxx
Reply 3
To an extent, the fact that he has (evidently) been able to make it work with someone else demeans your every criticism of his erstwhile behaviour and conduct. How can he appear to have his cake and eat it too? Were you, perhaps, overly exacting; and what does this augur for your subsequent relationships? If we were basically incompatible, why did we ever enter into a relationship in the first place? How come she can tolerate what I couldn't? You'll either envy her for exhibiting a forbearance you never could, resent her for harbouring an affinity (for him) you never did, or hold her in contempt for compounding his denial. You'll pity her and disdain him for having clearly hoodwinked yet another impressionable lass, or, alternatively, for treating her with an affection and deference that he never conferred on you; which scenario seems no less unjust nor a damning indictment of his character. You'll begrudge him his having seamlessly transitioned into a new relationship, when you are acutely conscious of your own residual infatuation; despite that his experience has been, in all likelihood, quite comparable. Then, when you meet up, with doubt cast anew on your misgivings, you'll be as suitors once more; except, unlike before, he'll be spoken-for.

In any event, insofar as you decide to dwell on it sceptically, any comparison seems inauspicious. Just move on.
Reply 4
sweetnfresh2
I've been having difficulties of my own with my ex. I mean the harder I try to forget about him, the more I think of him. It's pure madness. Or maybe it's not true. I've been moving on, but too slowly. Argh! At least, you've got a new boyfriend. Your ex sounded like moved on fast too. I am so sure that my ex's been with someone else (who even I know who she is), and I think about all sorts of things like Profesh described. Argh! I know he'd never be alone on saturday nights. So it was so pitiful for myself to imagine that he was having a great time with someone last night. It's been almost 3 months since we broke up. Although time passes by I'm so tempted to ring him up or send him a naughty text message something. But, it's also disgusting to think that he's been having a good time with other females. I hate this suffering in my heart knowing that he already totally forgot about me.


It is obsession.
Well if you are still not over your ex then surely you should not be going into another relationship, because if you are still thinking about wanting your ex back then how can you enjoy time with your current boyfriend.
Reply 6
i definately don't want to get back with my ex, which is why feeling ike this is so frustrating and annoying!

i just want these feelings to stop!

xxxxxx
Try and remember the bad things about him maybe?
Joric
It is obsession.


Yeah, love is obsession, isn't it? Love isn't an ordinary crime (Breaking and Entering), either.
Reply 9
The way I see it is that as long as you still feel anything other than indifference towards your ex, you're not really over them. Hating them is just as bad as still being in love with them, as it takes just as much time and energy. Having said that, I am terrible at getting over people and have never managed it without either getting into a relationship with someone else or making a big change in my life (i.e. moving away to uni). I broke up with my on-off boyfriend for good last week and I reach for the phone about five times a day, but luckily always realise it's a bad idea before it's too late and I've called/texted him. The best thing to do is to try and forget about them altogether, not remember good or bad memories, and wait it out in hope that one day you just won't care anymore!