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paranoid boyfriend....how to help?
Hiya, don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a sweet, caring loving guy and has treat me a lot better then anyone else.
However, he is suffering from paranoia. Basically he had 3 previous girlfriends who all cheated on him. This really affected him emotionally and he gets worried that I might do the same. I do keep assuring him and promising him I won't (I would never dream of doing that). He believes me but its past events pray on his mind. There are photos on facebook of me and male friends taken last May (harmless photos of me hugging them on nights out). He told me some of these disturbed him because he assumes one of my male friends looks alot like my ex. Also I got to the stage in telling him my sexual history the other night, as you might agree this is an important issue to discuss in any relationship. He didn't really like hearing about it but knows he has do deal with it. He was 2 of his ex's 1st but they still ended up cheating on him as they wanted to play the field a bit more. He doesn't really like the fact that I have had others in the past even though his last girlfriend had had past partners. She cheated on him with her ex.
Another thing he was worried about was last night in bed. Basically as soon as we were gonna have sex, he lost his erection. He got tired all of a sudden so he said and felt useless and could understand if I looked elsewhere then started going on how I could do better etc. I told him its not end of the world and that I don't want to look elsewhere etc. Eventually I lifted his spirits and reassured him. He regained his energy and we then managed to have good sex. That left him feeling happy about himself and he said he was glad he was able to perform.
He does feel better now but he still has his concerns and worries. He is actually fed up of behaving the way he is and assumes that it is making me fed up of him. He is always jumping to conclusions, he thinks things through too much. He is scared of loosing me and I love him too much to dump him over this. All I want to do now is help him so he no longer has these concerns and worries. Make sure he has no worries about our relationship....
How can I help him with his paranoia?
Thanks everyone.....
However, he is suffering from paranoia. Basically he had 3 previous girlfriends who all cheated on him. This really affected him emotionally and he gets worried that I might do the same. I do keep assuring him and promising him I won't (I would never dream of doing that). He believes me but its past events pray on his mind. There are photos on facebook of me and male friends taken last May (harmless photos of me hugging them on nights out). He told me some of these disturbed him because he assumes one of my male friends looks alot like my ex. Also I got to the stage in telling him my sexual history the other night, as you might agree this is an important issue to discuss in any relationship. He didn't really like hearing about it but knows he has do deal with it. He was 2 of his ex's 1st but they still ended up cheating on him as they wanted to play the field a bit more. He doesn't really like the fact that I have had others in the past even though his last girlfriend had had past partners. She cheated on him with her ex.
Another thing he was worried about was last night in bed. Basically as soon as we were gonna have sex, he lost his erection. He got tired all of a sudden so he said and felt useless and could understand if I looked elsewhere then started going on how I could do better etc. I told him its not end of the world and that I don't want to look elsewhere etc. Eventually I lifted his spirits and reassured him. He regained his energy and we then managed to have good sex. That left him feeling happy about himself and he said he was glad he was able to perform.
He does feel better now but he still has his concerns and worries. He is actually fed up of behaving the way he is and assumes that it is making me fed up of him. He is always jumping to conclusions, he thinks things through too much. He is scared of loosing me and I love him too much to dump him over this. All I want to do now is help him so he no longer has these concerns and worries. Make sure he has no worries about our relationship....
How can I help him with his paranoia?
Thanks everyone.....
Reply 1
You seem to be making a good job of helping him thus far. 
Don't be too quick to re-assure him with words - they aren't always necessary.
If he's down, or reminiscing the "bad times" he's had - an unexpected hug, a cuddle can speak volumes.
Make sure he knows you're always willing to listen.
His trust in people will eventually be restored.
Don't be too quick to re-assure him with words - they aren't always necessary.
If he's down, or reminiscing the "bad times" he's had - an unexpected hug, a cuddle can speak volumes.
Make sure he knows you're always willing to listen.
His trust in people will eventually be restored.
Reply 2
the longer you are with him, the closer you maybe if you continue to talk to him, i think when your closer you will be able to gain more trust. Trust doesn't come quickly.
Reply 3
Suicide + Jealousy + Insecurity + Paranoia + Erectile Dysfunction
You can't do better?
You can't do better?
Reply 4
JacquesNoir
Suicide + Jealousy + Insecurity + Paranoia + Erectile Dysfunction
You can't do better?
You can't do better?
What do you know Jacques? Are you an expert on these issues? Your post is pointless in what this topic is about.
He is actually feeling better about himself now. He enjoyed himself last night and is generally an happy guy. He told me facebook doesn't really concern him now...I will continue re-assuring him and I guess he will feel fully better with time. Hes not felt tired all of a sudden today so feels well.
We are thinking about going abroad together over Easter, currently looking for a good deal. That should clear his head, he also has a lot of stress with Uni work....he wants some sunshine bless him.....
Reply 5
This is a really tough situation, I'd know because I'm exactly the same, only I am the guy with the issues instead of the girl trying to help with them.
It sounds as though he, like me, actually knows it is irrational and wrong to feel as he does. But I really can't help it, and I haven't exactly been cheated on 3 times, I hate to think how hard it must be for him!
My girlfriend is a complete angel with me, and CONSTANTLY reassures me, without losing her temper. The most she'll do it be slightly snappy but that's entirely justified with the sheer amount I get like this. Sounds like you're doing the same. But it seems it only works in the short term, I get all these ideas in my head, and they get talked out. But after a while they just come back and on and on... and I do feel like her patience could run out eventually. As good as she is being, it can't go on and on endlessly!
I really don't know what a long-term fix for this is really, if anybody has a suggestion I'd love to know. I'd like to think time will naturally heal the situation and after a year plus of being together and there being no issues, there will be no reason to feel jealous. But in the meantime it's still a real problem. I actually hate not being able to trust her, because the sensible part of me KNOWS she 110% deserves my full trust as she has done no wrong and like I said, she reassures me all the time and is a total star in general. I get really annoyed at myself for getting all these fears which I know damn well are stupid, and yet I can't shake off. When will they just go away!
It sounds as though he, like me, actually knows it is irrational and wrong to feel as he does. But I really can't help it, and I haven't exactly been cheated on 3 times, I hate to think how hard it must be for him!
My girlfriend is a complete angel with me, and CONSTANTLY reassures me, without losing her temper. The most she'll do it be slightly snappy but that's entirely justified with the sheer amount I get like this. Sounds like you're doing the same. But it seems it only works in the short term, I get all these ideas in my head, and they get talked out. But after a while they just come back and on and on... and I do feel like her patience could run out eventually. As good as she is being, it can't go on and on endlessly!
I really don't know what a long-term fix for this is really, if anybody has a suggestion I'd love to know. I'd like to think time will naturally heal the situation and after a year plus of being together and there being no issues, there will be no reason to feel jealous. But in the meantime it's still a real problem. I actually hate not being able to trust her, because the sensible part of me KNOWS she 110% deserves my full trust as she has done no wrong and like I said, she reassures me all the time and is a total star in general. I get really annoyed at myself for getting all these fears which I know damn well are stupid, and yet I can't shake off. When will they just go away!
Reply 6
Ain't he cute 
I can't really elaborate on the situation, except to say that you should hang in there. If he knows that how he feels is silly, and wants to change, that is half the battle won. Now he just needs time.
I can't really elaborate on the situation, except to say that you should hang in there. If he knows that how he feels is silly, and wants to change, that is half the battle won. Now he just needs time.
Reply 7
Facebook photos are god aweful for relationships.
If you honestly want to help his paranoia, dont keep tags of yourself on suggestive photos. Even better, dont bring the photos into exsistance.
Sure, you can hug guys on nights out and stuff, but do you really need to take photos of it and put them on a website for all to see? It's NOTHING to do with paranoia.
I know this because I have a girlfriend I've been going out with for 2.5 years now. I trust her emphatically. Even so, if she hosts pics of herself getting too close to other guys it boils my piss. Its more of a respect thing. Other guys shouldnt feel like they're able to get close.
If you honestly want to help his paranoia, dont keep tags of yourself on suggestive photos. Even better, dont bring the photos into exsistance.
Sure, you can hug guys on nights out and stuff, but do you really need to take photos of it and put them on a website for all to see? It's NOTHING to do with paranoia.
I know this because I have a girlfriend I've been going out with for 2.5 years now. I trust her emphatically. Even so, if she hosts pics of herself getting too close to other guys it boils my piss. Its more of a respect thing. Other guys shouldnt feel like they're able to get close.
Reply 8
shavenwookiee
Facebook photos are god aweful for relationships.
If you honestly want to help his paranoia, dont keep tags of yourself on suggestive photos. Even better, dont bring the photos into exsistance.
Sure, you can hug guys on nights out and stuff, but do you really need to take photos of it and put them on a website for all to see? It's NOTHING to do with paranoia.
I know this because I have a girlfriend I've been going out with for 2.5 years now. I trust her emphatically. Even so, if she hosts pics of herself getting too close to other guys it boils my piss. Its more of a respect thing. Other guys shouldnt feel like they're able to get close.
If you honestly want to help his paranoia, dont keep tags of yourself on suggestive photos. Even better, dont bring the photos into exsistance.
Sure, you can hug guys on nights out and stuff, but do you really need to take photos of it and put them on a website for all to see? It's NOTHING to do with paranoia.
I know this because I have a girlfriend I've been going out with for 2.5 years now. I trust her emphatically. Even so, if she hosts pics of herself getting too close to other guys it boils my piss. Its more of a respect thing. Other guys shouldnt feel like they're able to get close.
I think I mentioned that these photos were taken last year. I haven't put any up in ages because I don't use facebook much now. I could understand better if they were current photos and not photos taken before we got together.
Reply 9
Oh and the photos don't bother him that much anymore. He faced his fears and went on facebook...now sees they are harmless.....I think he is getting there
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