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cheating?

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, his ex has anxiety and he often goes to see her because either she calls him over to make her feel better or just to hang out. But they don't see each other during the day, he usually leaves at like 10/11 pm and gets home at like 2 in the morning (we're all 17) I get down when he goes because he cheated on his ex and he lied to me a while ago, but he seems to sincerely love me. I've talked to him about it before , and he messaged her saying they should not see each other at night and she started raging at him. I always say I'm okay with it now, but it does really get me down . They're really close and me being insecure and having a bad past too.. What should I do ? I don't want to cause any more arguments.

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Original post by Tedso
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, his ex has anxiety and he often goes to see her because either she calls him over to make her feel better or just to hang out. But they don't see each other during the day, he usually leaves at like 10/11 pm and gets home at like 2 in the morning (we're all 17) I get down when he goes because he cheated on his ex and he lied to me a while ago, but he seems to sincerely love me. I've talked to him about it before , and he messaged her saying they should not see each other at night and she started raging at him. I always say I'm okay with it now, but it does really get me down . They're really close and me being insecure and having a bad past too.. What should I do ? I don't want to cause any more arguments.


He clearly loves you more. So what if he has a fling with his ex every now and then if he keeps coming home to you.
Reply 2
Umm..she's his EX for a reason, why the **** is he still even seeing her? I don't know of anyone who stays in contact with an ex. This is a bit booky OP
I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who is seeing their ex on a regular basis. But that's just me.

I reckon he still has a thing for her and that you may just be a back up.
Reply 4
Original post by Zuki
Umm..she's his EX for a reason, why the **** is he still even seeing her? I don't know of anyone who stays in contact with an ex. This is a bit booky OP

He goes to see her because she has panic attacks and anxiety and she's been through a lot of stuff involving the police and he just wants to help het,
Anyone who is still in contact with their ex can't be trusted. They probably get up to all sorts.
Reply 6
Original post by bassbabe
Anyone who is still in contact with their ex can't be trusted. They probably get up to all sorts.

They did go out for like 2 weeks but that was 3 years ago, they've been really good friends ever since. He get's really sad when he thinks he's hurt me , so I'm hoping nothing goes on, I'm friends with this gurl too
Reply 7
Original post by Tedso
He goes to see her because she has panic attacks and anxiety and she's been through a lot of stuff involving the police and he just wants to help het,


Why is it his responsibility? She has friends/ family? Listen OP, I am a guy. I have many guy friends. A grand total of 0 have any sort of communication with an ex, despite the circumstances. If my girl was seeing her ex because he has anxiety, alarm bells would be going off.
Original post by Zuki
Umm..she's his EX for a reason, why the **** is he still even seeing her? I don't know of anyone who stays in contact with an ex. This is a bit booky OP


I know you're probably about 12 so I can understand your ignorance, but perhaps the concept of being friends isn't known to you? If you like someone enough to go out wth them, I'm sure they have enough about them to be a good friend, if you can get over the breakup.
don't tell him it's okay when it's not? they broke up, he shouldn't need to come to her aid when she calls him. yes, she has anxiety, and yes that is a serious thing, but he shouldn't have to deal with it now they are broken up and he has you. tell him how you really feel, and then ask him how he feels - if he is fine with going to comfort her whenever she calls, because I doubt that he is.
Reply 10
Original post by little_wizard123
I know you're probably about 12 so I can understand your ignorance, but perhaps the concept of being friends isn't known to you? If you like someone enough to go out wth them, I'm sure they have enough about them to be a good friend, if you can get over the breakup.


Don't be angry little wizard, there's no need. I don't know if you've been in many relationships but listen here. If she's an ex then they obviously liked each other at one point. If he's constantly seeing her then what's to stop from these feelings from coming back? All it takes is one dumb decision. You'd have no problem at all with your girl seeing an ex?
Original post by Zuki
Don't be angry little wizard, there's no need. I don't know if you've been in many relationships but listen here. If she's an ex then they obviously liked each other at one point. If he's constantly seeing her then what's to stop from these feelings from coming back? All it takes is one dumb decision. You'd have no problem at all with your girl seeing an ex?


If you can't trust someone then you shouldn't be with them. No, I would have no problem whatsoever. I'm also best friends with my ex, and I think it's pathetic that when you're in a relationship with someone, you can't be friends with people you once saw as more than a friend. I'm much less likely to want to be with my ex than some other girl - like people have said, she's an ex for a reason. Not necessarily because you hate each other, but more because you just don't love them anymore despite them being a good person and good friend.

It's not difficult to understand.
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 12
Original post by little_wizard123
If you can't someone then you shouldn't be with them. No, I would have no problem whatsoever. I'm also best friends with my ex, and I think it's pathetic that when you're in a relationship with someone, you can't be friends with people you once saw as more than a friend. I'm much less likely to want to be with my ex than some other girl - like people have said, she's an ex for a reason. Not necessarily because you hate each other, but more because you just don't love them anymore despite them being a good person and good friend.

It's not difficult to understand.


Yes I agree to an extent, but you're making a lot of assumptions about OPs situation (I am too) not every ex has that intention of being friends. Some may genuinely want to be friends, others may have different intentions...and sometimes it's not exactly obvious which is which
Reply 13
Original post by BerniHurton
don't tell him it's okay when it's not? they broke up, he shouldn't need to come to her aid when she calls him. yes, she has anxiety, and yes that is a serious thing, but he shouldn't have to deal with it now they are broken up and he has you. tell him how you really feel, and then ask him how he feels - if he is fine with going to comfort her whenever she calls, because I doubt that he is.

They did only go out for about two weeks 3 years ago, he's been dealing with it ever since. He is the type of person who wants to help everyone , sometimes he does not want to go when she calls but he does. I'm okay with them seeing each other cause I mean, they're friends, but why always in the middle of the night. He's spoken to her about it before and she started raging at him. I don't want him to lose a friend of 3 years over this. He backs down easily, if she shouts at him or messages him he'll be there, same with me but yeah.
Original post by Tedso
They did only go out for about two weeks 3 years ago, he's been dealing with it ever since. He is the type of person who wants to help everyone , sometimes he does not want to go when she calls but he does. I'm okay with them seeing each other cause I mean, they're friends, but why always in the middle of the night. He's spoken to her about it before and she started raging at him. I don't want him to lose a friend of 3 years over this. He backs down easily, if she shouts at him or messages him he'll be there, same with me but yeah.


if she rages at him, then he shouldn't feel like he has to help her. he decides to help her, and she sounds like she isn't grateful for that at all.
Reply 15
No no don
Original post by little_wizard123
If you can't someone then you shouldn't be with them. No, I would have no problem whatsoever. I'm also best friends with my ex, and I think it's pathetic that when you're in a relationship with someone, you can't be friends with people you once saw as more than a friend. I'm much less likely to want to be with my ex than some other girl - like people have said, she's an ex for a reason. Not necessarily because you hate each other, but more because you just don't love them anymore despite them being a good person and good friend.

It's not difficult to understand.


no no don't get me wrong - they didn't have STRONG feelings towards each other , they only went out for a short time 3 years ago, but he is really close with her as a friend , too close sometimes. I have no problem with him being friends , I have no problem with them meeting up with each other, but when she randomly messages him in the middle of the night and he runs to her , I can only wonder what they're doing/ talking about. And I know for a fact if I did that even with a friend, he would be really sad. If you're insecure and if you've been lied to , it's hard to trust your boyfriend. Also, he cheated on his ex with her when things got bad (only making out though)
It feels like she's using her anxiety as a weapon as a means of controlling when he comes over and stuff and guilt tripping him when he says no. I'm not saying she doesn't get them but conveniently late at night?? From what it sounds like she has too much control over him and that's not okay. He should be dealing with her under his own terms and not when she wants him to. After all her panic attacks anxiety etc isn't his responsibility and he needs to accept that and concentrate more on his own relationship imo.

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Reply 17
Sounds very unhealthy. Even if there is nothing going on I think she definitely still has feelings for him and probably would jump at the chance or even tries to seduce him. I would not at all be comfortable with this, I understand she's troubled but she's never going to get better if she is always relying on him to sort her out... what's he gonna do, go running to her every single time she wants some attention for the rest of his life? She needs professional help, not YOUR boyfriend. I think you're 100000% within your rights as a girlfriend to ask he be more considerate and not go on nighttime visits to his ex's house! It's ridiculous that he thinks that is ok.
Reply 18
Original post by little_wizard123
If you can't trust someone then you shouldn't be with them. No, I would have no problem whatsoever. I'm also best friends with my ex, and I think it's pathetic that when you're in a relationship with someone, you can't be friends with people you once saw as more than a friend. I'm much less likely to want to be with my ex than some other girl - like people have said, she's an ex for a reason. Not necessarily because you hate each other, but more because you just don't love them anymore despite them being a good person and good friend.

It's not difficult to understand.


I think you are the exception, definitely not the rule.
Reply 19
Original post by Tedso
They did only go out for about two weeks 3 years ago, he's been dealing with it ever since. He is the type of person who wants to help everyone , sometimes he does not want to go when she calls but he does. I'm okay with them seeing each other cause I mean, they're friends, but why always in the middle of the night. He's spoken to her about it before and she started raging at him. I don't want him to lose a friend of 3 years over this. He backs down easily, if she shouts at him or messages him he'll be there, same with me but yeah.


She does not at all sound like a nice person... raging when he won't help? She needs professional help and fast. If this is all true and he's not cheating and he's just effectively bullied into going to see her he needs to stop this now it's pathetic. I also guarantee you she has feelings for him.

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