Did I hurt a girl?

Strange how words and actions can be misunderstood as we grow up and become busy in our lives... I used to remember myself as a gentleman and yet I think I did something really bad that made me feel guilty.

I only have no clue what exactly I did wrong. Did my words lack value? Did I do something that made her feel like shnt?

This girl I had once shortly met in a class in a previous semester somehow found me on an internet social networking site and started asking me random stuff. I'm generally friendly and funny with everyone so I continued chatting. One day she asked whether we could meet to have a drink on a certain day. I still don't know whether she meant it as a "date" or anything as such. I simply thought just to meet and talk, like old friends.
I wrote her back something like "Why not? Ring me up in the afternoon and tell me where you are and I'll let you know whether I'm near the campus or not."

That day she didn't ring me. Nor did she ever write back to me online.
I didn't bother much... until today, when I was walking and saw her face to face and she literally looked away and avoided me with a grumpy-like face.

I was like "huh?". I wanted to stop her and ask what was wrong but I was, well, busy.

Anyway, putting aside my own personal defects, such as my over-busyness, do you think what I wrote her back was somehow offensive?

I felt guilty the whole day.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Harv616

You could message her and ask her?

And that wasn't really the nicest way to say you wanted to meet her

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

If it keeps bugging you you could message her but I don't think you should feel guilty AT ALL. She seems to like you a lot, possibly in that way, and you succeeded in NOT leading her on. She's possible disappointed that you weren't more enthusiastic about seeing her but it wasn't unfriendly, you were just more casual. She should know rather now than later, and I think her reaction reflects disappointment that you're not as keen to stay in contact, rather than it being because of the way you responded to her suggestion...

Reply 3

high priestess fnord

nothing you have posted was offensive, maybe she was reading too much into it.

Reply 4

hotgoose

Your reply to her didn't sound offensive to me at all but if the girl did mean it as a date maybe she was upset because you sounded relaxed and chilled about it?

Reply 5

louisedotcom

Maybe shes embaressed?
If it was intended as a date, perhaps she convinced herself you would say no, and now shes feeling a bit shy about it- or maybe she liked you, and plucked up the courange to ask you when she was drunk or something and now shes feeling embaressed :smile:

I personally dont think you said anything wrong, but you know girls, they are a crazy bunch :biggrin:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

What I find strange is we met only once, many months ago, and we exchanged only a few messages online - I don't even have her number (she has mine as I gave it to her in my last message to her...)
How the hell could she like me?

Apart from that... if she was hurt what could I do to mend this...
(without making it into a date!)

Reply 7

Yellowmarshmellow

As a girl i'd take what you said in your note back as a sign you don't like her in that way because girls tend to over analyse everything. Just talk to her and tell her you're still interested in meeting up and hopefully she'll realise that you didn't mean to be offensive in the message.

Reply 8

Unique Brunette

Yellowmarshmellow

As a girl i'd take what you said in your note back as a sign you don't like her in that way because girls tend to over analyse everything. .

what u said it was not offensive but as Yellowmarshmellow said above girls over analyze stuff :dontknow:

Reply 9

lawzer

aww she probably a bit lonely! message her through the way you met and ask her hows thingsand stuff. keep it on the low! do you like her?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

no, I don't like her...

but I'm a person who finds it hard to fall asleep when I am aware that I'm the cause of other people's (any other human being's) distress/unhappiness...
and it interferes with my schedule, studies, etc. :frown:

Reply 11

silverbolt

high priestess fnord

nothing you have posted was offensive, maybe she was reading too much into it.

agreed sounds like shes just being over sensetive, you did nothing wrong as far as i can see,

ask her, if she still sulks at you then forget about it.

Reply 12

Jillie Boe

You did nothing wrong. I wouldn't have found that offensive.

Maybe she's just reading too much into it.

Reply 13

mangomaz

As others have said, girls are crazy and read into everything huge amounts. She probably has somehow convinced herself that you actually hate her and think she's fat.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

oh god... guess what happened.
i tried to simply forget about her and carry on with my life,
convincing myself that this was just a bad experience
which will not further influence the course of my life.

I just discovered that this girl who felt hurt by me/misunderstood my words is a friend of a girl I really like.... When I discovered it, I was like
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Reply 15

tanusha-tomsk

Anonymous

One day she asked whether we could meet to have a drink on a certain day. I still don't know whether she meant it as a "date" or anything as such. I simply thought just to meet and talk, like old friends.
I wrote her back something like "Why not? Ring me up in the afternoon and tell me where you are and I'll let you know whether I'm near the campus or not."

Whether or not she has romantic interest in you, your statement implies that you will meet her if nothing better comes up and even then only if it's really convinient for you. I can understand why she got upset; if she wants to be friends with you, well, friends don't do that. A date is a date - romantc or not, you agree to turn up and then arrange all the other stuff around that date.

You sound like a really nice guy, I'm sure she'll forgive you soon enough, try to take the first step like e-mail her (or leave a message on facebook or something) that you're sorry you didn't call - yes I know that SHE was supposed to call, but putting it this way will let her know that you feel bad about it AND make it easy for her in case she feels embarassed about not calling you. :smile:

EDIT: Actually all this would make a lot more sense if you liked her that way, but I hope it helps anyway.
EDIT 2: I don't normally overanalyse, but you asked us to read into it so... lol :smile:

Reply 16

ChemistBoy

What you did sounds perfectly reasonable. It is easy to misconstrue someone's meaning over an unemotive medium such as the internet. I personally wouldn't give it a second thought.

Reply 17

loopymeg

I think what you did was perfectly fine, and that if she has a problem with it then she's overreacting a bit. You don't really know each other that well so it's not like you're letting down your best mate, and people have to understand that you can't just drop your entire schedule to meet them.

Reply 18

ShinyApple

Yeah, agreed with the rest. She's a bit strange and obviously over thought it.

Personally I'd steer clear, not my cup of tea are over-thinkers.

Reply 19

rawkingpunkster

Yeah it wasnt much. Maybe you should have put a smiley face, like "yeah sure ring me up :smile:

"

I'm speculating here, but it may be in the fact that you "may not be near" campus that day. Maybe she expected you to take time to confirm that you'll be there.

Oh wells, girls.. :P

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