I hate uni and subsequently hate my life

I know I haven't coped well with the transition to uni but I really feel trapped. I haven't made any friends and am struggling with the work load already. I know people don't really like me at the minute and it's getting me down. I never made friends easy and never really found people I gel with, but was always told that I'd be fine at uni and it would be the best times of my life. That advice just seems a joke now. I was on medication so couldn't drink during most of Freshers and had no tickets to major events. My flatmates are okay but don't talk much and are a little awkward. They don't clean after themselves so I'm left to do a lot of it and I have brought it up before but it seems to go straight over their heads.
I'm not enjoying my course really either. I find it interesting and love learning but am finding the independent learning aspect of it very difficult. I am behind with reading because there is so much to do already and feel that the teacher (who is also my personal tutor) is quite unapproachable - in terms of giving advice and so forth.
It is also incredibly saddening to see so many other people having a laugh and enjoying themselves when I am seriously hating my life right now. In addition to all that, people have been unloading their problems onto me and no guy is even remotely interested in me as I'm ugly, a loner and probably disgusting.

I know I've been depressed for a while but have never had help for it because I don't like being seen as weak.I hate crying but I have cried nearly every day here. I want to leave and quit but if I go home it will be the exact same situation only I will have nothing to do at all. I'm not usually a quitter but everything in my life I've struggled through or had to be unhappy just so I can complete the task or whatever. I don't remember the last time I was happy and I just feel so hopeless and lost. I really don't know what to do.

Don't beat yourself down. I find that in times of severe adversity with everything seemingly against you, the last thing you should be doing is joining that huge tidal wave. Fight back against it. Life can be an evil mistress at the worst of times but yoy have to endure it. University is hard, life is hard. Few things are easy. You just have to keep your eyes on the prize at the end if you succeed. I felt much the same when I joined my naval college a month ago. The works hard, socialising isnt the easiest thing and I am a long way away from home. It hurts me emotionally every day. The one thing that keeps me going is seeing the fruits of labour at the end, its the reason I am here doing this. You have to view it the same way otherwise it becomes a hassle. I'm coping now with the work and get on with a few people, you just have to make do and thats all there is to it. Maybe try join a society to start in your spare time to talk to some people and build some confidence. You dont have to go to all those stupid drunk fests(not my thing, I'm more old fashioned) but just talk to some of your flatmates

It sucks that your personal tutor is unapproachable. It may be worth emailing your department and asking for a change because of this.

There should be people that you can talk to at the university, perhaps some kind of free counselling, so maybe look around for that.

And with flatmates - don't clean up after them. Talk to your resident tutor (or whoever's the kind of manager for your accommodation) and say that they are messy and don't clean up, and maybe ask them to not let on that you were the one that complained about it). If that doesn't work or you don't want to do that, you should ignore it or ask if you can move in to a different place.

It really does sound like a tough time for you at the moment, and your self confidence is suffering. You're probably not as ugly or disgusting as you feel. I also think that making friends at uni isn't all that people make it out to be (unless you're really social), and it's not necessarily the best experience of their life for anyone that goes to uni. But aim to be as social as you can - societies, sports and all of that jazz.

A lot of people get the feeling of wanting to drop out and wanting to go back and stay at home - I was like that last year - and for most people that feeling goes away after a while. So I would say get talking to someone about it, and if it seems like this is going to be a permanent feeling then you should have a think about things.

Hang in there!

Reminds me of myself when I look at this post.I didn't struggle with the workload; however my anxiety and depression ruined everything for me. I left University in the
second year, but now I am starting at another place.

What is the core problem?Is it the fact that you feel lonely, the course or the University?It's not quite clear from what I have read.

University just began (the first year is always difficult for a lot of students because this is the first time most are away from home for an extensive period)...see how things develop in the upcoming weeks and seek for help if things should deteriorate.

Hi friend

First off, I am feeling the exact same as you are. I was so excited to get away from high school, which in the end made me severely depressed and much more, but so far university has not been too good.

About not being able to go out/make friends: is it really worth it if they aren't even real friends and don't bother to keep in touch? Meeting people at socials/ when they are drunk usually don't make good relationships anyway I have found. I too have always felt that nobody actually wants to befriend me, and instead of saying to you 'force yourself to make friends' etc., I say just stick to yourself for the moment, if a true friend will come along then so be it. If I were you I'd try sitting next to people sitting alone in lectures, they may be in your situation. But it is really important not to isolate yourself, so do keep in contact with family- try and phone daily if possible, it will help trust me.

As for the workload: make this your main priority, if you feel more depressed in your accommodation go to the library for hours to get the work completed. I'm not trying to say this to be a parental figure, but for me at least it has given me a motive to stick around at uni and, although taking a few weeks and still being quite behind, I have found that the stress and depression has diminished quite a bit. You still have time to get back on track with the work, so please do not worry about it and also don't overwork yourself too much either.

Finally, on a friendly note, I am in your situation and understand how hard it is. It's impossible to force the depression away, but if you just listen to my advice I hope it will help. Are you going to Edinburgh Uni by any chance? And another thing that has helped me for most of my life, and I am in no way forcing this on you but I promise it has helped me: tell God your problems, ever since I began praying again (I drifted away from it and the depression followed), I have felt free and truly happy. I am not saying this as a religious fanatic but as a friend that cares, and believe me God does too, even if you do not believe in him at the moment.

Please don't give up just because of meaningless things, the depression will wear you down unless you fight it! And finally don't be hard on yourself please, you seem to be a really incredible person from your post, and you are real and a true friend, unlike the majority of those you will encounter getting drunk every night/with crowds of friends. Trust me they are not happy either, it is just a front.

Any time you want to chat please just say, and all the best to a happy future

Hello. Thank you so much for your reply, it actually made me a little teary because it was so nice.
In regards to the whole friend thing, I honestly thought I had found a group that I really could gel with and got my hopes up. Unfortunately it's not worked out amazingly well given it's only been a few days. It's my fault mainly because I'm not outgoing or attractive, if I was - people would like me more. I started speaking to a guy but he is ignoring me now and I could have gone on a trip with the society this weekend but was ill a few days ago and didn't think I would be able to go (although I'm fine now) and I deeply regret not going because they will all be having fun without me and the guy will probably find a girl who is completely better than me anyway.

I am definitely trying to prioritise my work but I genuinely have no motivation. I've been depressed for years, and doing my work has always been my go-to coping mechanism but now it doesn't work. I start doing it, then get bored and then I start thinking about how bad my life is and it's a vicious cycle.

I'm not at Edinburgh I'm afraid, I'm down in England at the moment. The thing is, I appreciate you talking about the chance for me to talk to God, however, I genuinely don't think God likes me very much (if he is around) and I'm sure he probably doesn't really care about my issues, if I'm honest. Thanks though.

Thank you so much, but I am genuinely not an incredible person. I'm mundane and ugly, with nothing going for me and therefore am practically invisible in life. It sounds to me as you are the incredible one considering you have been though a lot and offer such nice advice. I hope things work out for you as you deserve to be happy. Thanks once again for the reply.

Hi again,

If people will only befriend you/others depending on how you look rather than being a kind, thoughtful person that you obviously are, that is their problem for being so shallow. Please stop putting yourself down as well, I know first hand how you feel worthless to everyone else, including yourself, but you really are not trust me.

I know you don't believe in God, and I do not believe you can force faith on anyone, but I know for a fact that he is real and the only way of succumbing the depression was through him. He cares about us all so much, and I'm not saying this in a fantasy way, he really does. I've never told anyone this, but when I starved myself for months and passed out for hours on end, and overdosed on multiple occasions, he spoke to me and gave me the chance to repent. So many other occasions as well, such as when I was almost beaten to death as a child but he spoke to me once again and saved me. He doesn't care one bit about how outgoing you are, how popular you are or how attractive you are, but instead how good and kind you are, which is why people like us are so depressed, and have such 'lonely' lives compared to everyone else.

This is satan's world, just look how immoral everything and everyone has become, even in the last few years. We are in the last days before it all ends, and God is giving you the chance of forgiveness, not because he doesn't care for you, but because you mean so much to him.

I understand how easy it is to think he can't be real in such an evil world, and having such turmoil in your life all the time, but this is NOT him but satan creating this turmoil. But as I said, it has to be your choice whether or not you believe in him.

Just know that you mean so much to God, and this world, and you are making it a much better place than a lot of people. Just because you are alone with people, God is and will always be with you.

And once again, I am your friend as well

Hi again,

If people will only befriend you/others depending on how you look rather than being a kind, thoughtful person that you obviously are, that is their problem for being so shallow. Please stop putting yourself down as well, I know first hand how you feel worthless to everyone else, including yourself, but you really are not trust me.

I know you don't believe in God, and I do not believe you can force faith on anyone, but I know for a fact that he is real and the only way of succumbing the depression was through him. He cares about us all so much, and I'm not saying this in a fantasy way, he really does. I've never told anyone this, but when I starved myself for months and passed out for hours on end, and overdosed on multiple occasions, he spoke to me and gave me the chance to repent. So many other occasions as well, such as when I was almost beaten to death as a child but he spoke to me once again and saved me. He doesn't care one bit about how outgoing you are, how popular you are or how attractive you are, but instead how good and kind you are, which is why people like us are so depressed, and have such 'lonely' lives compared to everyone else.

This is satan's world, just look how immoral everything and everyone has become, even in the last few years. We are in the last days before it all ends, and God is giving you the chance of forgiveness, not because he doesn't care for you, but because you mean so much to him.

I understand how easy it is to think he can't be real in such an evil world, and having such turmoil in your life all the time, but this is NOT him but satan creating this turmoil. But as I said, it has to be your choice whether or not you believe in him.

Just know that you mean so much to God, and this world, and you are making it a much better place than a lot of people. Just because you are alone with people, God is and will always be with you.

And once again, I am your friend as well

Hi again,

If people will only befriend you/others depending on how you look rather than being a kind, thoughtful person that you obviously are, that is their problem for being so shallow. Please stop putting yourself down as well, I know first hand how you feel worthless to everyone else, including yourself, but you really are not trust me.

I know you don't believe in God, and I do not believe you can force faith on anyone, but I know for a fact that he is real and the only way of succumbing the depression was through him. He cares about us all so much, and I'm not saying this in a fantasy way, he really does. I've never told anyone this, but when I starved myself for months and passed out for hours on end, and overdosed on multiple occasions, he spoke to me and gave me the chance to repent. So many other occasions as well, such as when I was almost beaten to death as a child but he spoke to me once again and saved me. He doesn't care one bit about how outgoing you are, how popular you are or how attractive you are, but instead how good and kind you are, which is why people like us are so depressed, and have such 'lonely' lives compared to everyone else.

This is satan's world, just look how immoral everything and everyone has become, even in the last few years. We are in the last days before it all ends, and God is giving you the chance of forgiveness, not because he doesn't care for you, but because you mean so much to him.

I understand how easy it is to think he can't be real in such an evil world, and having such turmoil in your life all the time, but this is NOT him but satan creating this turmoil. But as I said, it has to be your choice whether or not you believe in him.

Just know that you mean so much to God, and this world, and you are making it a much better place than a lot of people. Just because you are alone with people, God is and will always be with you.

And once again, I am your friend as well

WTF, she doesnt believe in God, stop forcing this Satan BS on her, it isnt helping her. Go to the religion section and troll there.

OP, you dont have to go to clubs / drinking events at all, there are people at uni who dont drink or dont like partying, you can always join societies. And as you said, if you quit you wouldnt be better off at all, you would just be at home doing nothing. Sojust think about how lucky you are to be at uni and it doesnt matter if its tough now, it will be worth it in the end. There are THOUSANDS of people at uni and there are lots who like doing things other than partying, you just have to look for them. And if you are really feeling down, you should go and see a therapist at your uni. It doesnt make you 'weak' at all, it means you are facing your problems. Depression is not a weakness.

No one is forcing anything on anyone. He/she is telling OP what he/she feels would genuinely help. Stop being so intolerant and rude towards someone who just wants to help.

OP has clearly said that she doesn't believe in God, therefore telling her that God loves her and Satan wants to ruin her is not going to help her. That poster is a religious loony forcing her **** down OP's throat and I bet it is you. There is no other reason why you would post this anonymously. Major fail on your part.

'Didnt want to start an argument with my username visible' - of course you didnt, you are a weak little pussy, calling people 'idiotic douchebag' anonymously. You know you are a weakling when you are too scared to even use your *username*, let alone your real name. You are like the trolls under Daily Mail articles, you would never dare say the **** you do on here in real ife. Bye troll.

In what way are they a troll? And also how on earth was I forcing anything down the original poster's throat? I was in the same situation as them and I was giving my opinion on what helped me, without causing any disrespect to anyone, and I said numerous times that they or anybody else had to believe in God.

You on the other hand are just cursing me and the other anonymous poster, who was also just trying to help and caused no offence, for no good reason. Please tell us why you responded with such anger towards us