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Mental Health Illness: Bi Polar Disorder
I don’t really know why I’m posting this, maybe to help others, or maybe to make myself feel a bit better? Anyway I’ve recently-ish been diagnosed as being bi-polar. I get highs when I feel fantastic and lows when I consider, or actually try, suicide.
I was scared, shocked and frightened when I was first diagnosed, I actually fled the country (may sound funny but I guess now, looking back, was mania) but now I’m coming to terms with it. I guess I’m posting this because I’ve just watched the two parter of Stephen Fry (a god in my eyes) tackling the issue of mental health. I think he’s done a fantastic job and I really hope it helps people see that these kind of illnesses don’t mean that your life is over or that what ever life you’re going to lead is going to be crap.
So far I’ve refused meds, but I’ve had such lows I’ve attempted suicide. I sometimes feel that I cannot cope, however looking into meds has scared me. For the moment, and the last year, I’ve had about 6 times when I’ve seriously considered suicide but 3 times when I’ve actually attempted it. I’m ashamed to say that. But I’ve got through it and eventually things even out.
The manias are either fun or scarier. They’ve involved spending too much, deciding last minute to go abroad without telling anyone or even doing totally reckless things like ‘swimming’ in a choppy tide, or playing hopscotch on the dual carriageway (don’t ask) But I feel awful cos I genuinely can’t help myself. It’s not weakness, or attention seeking, it’s genuine illness.
Basically this post is for people who are suffering uni-polar, bi-polar, or any other forms of depression or mania, to talk without feeling judged. I think mental health issues are shunned as people being ‘loony’ or a nutcase and this simply isn’t the case.
This thread should maybe be for others who have been diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’ and want somewhere to rant without feeling awful, or members of their family are ‘mentally ill’ (I HATE that term so much) use ‘anon’ if you wish.
I was scared, shocked and frightened when I was first diagnosed, I actually fled the country (may sound funny but I guess now, looking back, was mania) but now I’m coming to terms with it. I guess I’m posting this because I’ve just watched the two parter of Stephen Fry (a god in my eyes) tackling the issue of mental health. I think he’s done a fantastic job and I really hope it helps people see that these kind of illnesses don’t mean that your life is over or that what ever life you’re going to lead is going to be crap.
So far I’ve refused meds, but I’ve had such lows I’ve attempted suicide. I sometimes feel that I cannot cope, however looking into meds has scared me. For the moment, and the last year, I’ve had about 6 times when I’ve seriously considered suicide but 3 times when I’ve actually attempted it. I’m ashamed to say that. But I’ve got through it and eventually things even out.
The manias are either fun or scarier. They’ve involved spending too much, deciding last minute to go abroad without telling anyone or even doing totally reckless things like ‘swimming’ in a choppy tide, or playing hopscotch on the dual carriageway (don’t ask) But I feel awful cos I genuinely can’t help myself. It’s not weakness, or attention seeking, it’s genuine illness.
Basically this post is for people who are suffering uni-polar, bi-polar, or any other forms of depression or mania, to talk without feeling judged. I think mental health issues are shunned as people being ‘loony’ or a nutcase and this simply isn’t the case.
This thread should maybe be for others who have been diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’ and want somewhere to rant without feeling awful, or members of their family are ‘mentally ill’ (I HATE that term so much) use ‘anon’ if you wish.
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Can I ask why you've refused medication? Are you another one of the 'yes but I like the highs so much I don't want to get rid of them' people?
If I were you, I would take meds. Why aren't you anyway?
Because people I know with BPD who take meds have no feelings at all, they're like zombies and I don't want to be like that!
Anonymous
Because people I know with BPD who take meds have no feelings at all, they're like zombies and I don't want to be like that!
Yeah I've heard that too. Life without highs (and lows) would be awful.
Anonymous
Because people I know with BPD who take meds have no feelings at all, they're like zombies and I don't want to be like that!
I have been diagnosed with BPD. I really feel the same way as you. I refuse medication because i dont want to loose touch with my emotions and also feelings. I want to be myself at all times. Also my parents don't know about the diagnosis, so it's rather risky if I do take medication.
Anonymous
I was scared, shocked and frightened when I was first diagnosed, I actually fled the country (may sound funny but I guess now, looking back, was mania) but now I’m coming to terms with it
I'm glad you're coming to terms with it. It is hard to. I admire you for doing so. Just remember, it's who you are, and people love you no matter what. I was diagnosed last year doing my AS exams, that was the hardest thing for me, but I have slowly got used to this diagnosis, and its not really changed who I am.
Lots of love
Sitaraxx
Anonymous
I have been diagnosed with BPD. I really feel the same way as you. I refuse medication because i dont want to loose touch with my emotions and also feelings. I want to be myself at all times. Also my parents don't know about the diagnosis, so it's rather risky if I do take medication.
I'm glad you're coming to terms with it. It is hard to. I admire you for doing so. Just remember, it's who you are, and people love you no matter what. I was diagnosed last year doing my AS exams, that was the hardest thing for me, but I have slowly got used to this diagnosis, and its not really changed who I am.
Lots of love
Sitaraxx
I'm glad you're coming to terms with it. It is hard to. I admire you for doing so. Just remember, it's who you are, and people love you no matter what. I was diagnosed last year doing my AS exams, that was the hardest thing for me, but I have slowly got used to this diagnosis, and its not really changed who I am.
Lots of love
Sitaraxx
Thank you, it's nice to know you're not the only one, and that others know what it's like.
I wish you all the luck for the future too
Its surprising that meds are not as addictive as people presume them to be. It is actually not difficult to come off them. They will probably do you some good because they work chemically in your body and therefore would be a good idea. Even if they just help with the anxiety at least it can remove some of the danger of depression ie. potential suicide.
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
I have depression and low self esteem according to the psychiatric nurse I saw this morning.
You see this morning I woke up in a hospital bed after attempting suicide. Crazy nights eh?
I refuse medication because I've taken it before and I became alienated with severe mood swings and it made my self destructive side horrendous. You say they are easy to come off but I went mental for 5 days because I stopped rather than waiting to be weaned off.
You see this morning I woke up in a hospital bed after attempting suicide. Crazy nights eh?
I refuse medication because I've taken it before and I became alienated with severe mood swings and it made my self destructive side horrendous. You say they are easy to come off but I went mental for 5 days because I stopped rather than waiting to be weaned off.
ro-ro
I have depression and low self esteem according to the psychiatric nurse I saw this morning.
You see this morning I woke up in a hospital bed after attempting suicide. Crazy nights eh?
I refuse medication because I've taken it before and I became alienated with severe mood swings and it made my self destructive side horrendous. You say they are easy to come off but I went mental for 5 days because I stopped rather than waiting to be weaned off.
You see this morning I woke up in a hospital bed after attempting suicide. Crazy nights eh?
I refuse medication because I've taken it before and I became alienated with severe mood swings and it made my self destructive side horrendous. You say they are easy to come off but I went mental for 5 days because I stopped rather than waiting to be weaned off.
i hope you are feeling better dear. just take it easy.
we're here for you on TSR.sitaraxx
I'm about to have fishfingers and sausages for tea. I feel like I am actually mad. I just dont want to eat anything else. Not depression related other than the nurse said today she's suprised I don't have an eating disorder and we talked about my past eating habits and she said there were patterns indicative of the early development of an eating disorder.
It's all just one big mess right now.
It's all just one big mess right now.
Fallen_Firefly
Its surprising that meds are not as addictive as people presume them to be. It is actually not difficult to come off them. They will probably do you some good because they work chemically in your body and therefore would be a good idea. Even if they just help with the anxiety at least it can remove some of the danger of depression ie. potential suicide.
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
I believe that it is hard to come of a tablet that you've been taking for some time. My friend has BPD and is on lithium but when she tried to come off it, it wasn't pretty.
I know that meds are chemicals and they've been proven to help mental illnesses, but I can understand someone being reluctant to take medication, as they might feel like they need to take a tablet, every day, for the rest of their lives in order to feel 'normal'. I can understand them wanting to try other methods first, and thinking of drugs as a last resort.
Ronove
Why does the anonymous box untick itself if you preview your post? Damn it. 
LMFAO. I made a pretty embarrassing post a few weeks ago, making the same mistake :P.
Fallen_Firefly
Its surprising that meds are not as addictive as people presume them to be. It is actually not difficult to come off them. They will probably do you some good because they work chemically in your body and therefore would be a good idea. Even if they just help with the anxiety at least it can remove some of the danger of depression ie. potential suicide.
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
Anyway, whichever way you go i hope you'll be ok. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression but you have to realise that it can be helped and your life can be improved if you allow it. Just dont give up.
*hugs*
xx
It took me more than a year to come off my medication. And i know many many people who have had the smae problem both from personal experience an dfrom working in a pharmacy and seeing people coming in despairing because they can't understand why they feel addicted or dependant on this drug.
And even after i came off mine, i became worse before i became better. I'd been on something so long my body found it strange to deal with it not being there. I came off my tablets in August 2005 (with my doctors approval) and only in the last 6 months have i begun to feel more secure in myself.
That doesn't mean that they didn't help, they did and i'm glad i took them at the time. But people should take things being informed about what it can be like. I was 16 when i started taking them and i wasn't told about the bad bits as much as i should have.
what is bipolar disorder? i suspect that i have it.
Anonymous
what is bipolar disorder? i suspect that i have it.
It's when you can't control your moods and they go from one extreme to the other. Mania, where you're so happy and feel on top of the world, to depression when you feel like nothing can ever get better again.
There is a link in my sig.
If you're worried, see your GP, they would refer you to a psych if they were worried and then you may get a diagnosis. Good Luck, and remember, you probably won't have it, it's best to get checked.
Hmm, my mum has serious bi-polarism, serious enough to be sectioned under The Mental Health Act.
It certainly runs in her side of the family, but she didn't get affected until quite late. Actually it seems the post natal depression from me triggered the more serious bi-polarism.
She was initially diagnosed with something else actually as she tended to hear voices etc which is very rare as an effect of this, but finally they decided she was bi polar (like you).
She does sound like you actually, things like hopscotch on dual carriageways or spending sprees. My mum used to think she was invinsible and would jump in front of buses, and she would either buy or steal vast amounts of obscure things and hand them around to random people in pubs etc... sometimes she would turn up at home with things like brushes, and she'd clearly just stolen them from somewhere. It sounds absurd but you should understand it.
It took her a decade to be diagnosed, it was difficult to identify with her because she was an alcoholic, she would basically drink herself into oblivion so she didn't have to feel messed up anymore. But to anyone else she was just a useless drunk, we didn't know she was ill. I'm her own son and I didn't know (to be fair I was about 5)... then she started taking crack cocaine, spending obscene amounts of money, my dad divorced her, she lost custody of her children, was in prison etc etc...
Until one day when she was in police custody, as usual, it appears somebody kind of thought "hmmm, she seems pretty damn crazy, actually" and then she was sectioned, as I said before.
Obviously as she is such a serious case there's no choice but meds, she in on strong anti-depressants and "anti madness pills" (their real name is long so I just call them that)... lately she has been feeling a bit down and depressed, she does sometimes. But it's better than the suicide attempts of the past. I might recommend you take medication, as scary as it may seem. My mum is on a lot and she isn't as sharp as she used to be, but now the voices, and the severe depression has gone away she no longer does drugs, she can see me on a regular basis because she isn't scary to be around anymore... it just really helped her life.
Most importantly, what if you suceed with the next suicide attempt? My mum came close before, if it wasn't for me she'd be dead in fact, but you might not be that lucky in the future. I understand minor cases not needing treatment, medication is best avoided if possible, but from your short post you bear many parallels to my mum, so it really would be best for you.
Anyway good luck etc, don't let it ruin your life like it did for my mum for so long. She is fine now, her feeling down at the moment etc is nothing serious, overall her life is back on track and she is happy - so you can be like that too.
It certainly runs in her side of the family, but she didn't get affected until quite late. Actually it seems the post natal depression from me triggered the more serious bi-polarism.
She was initially diagnosed with something else actually as she tended to hear voices etc which is very rare as an effect of this, but finally they decided she was bi polar (like you).
She does sound like you actually, things like hopscotch on dual carriageways or spending sprees. My mum used to think she was invinsible and would jump in front of buses, and she would either buy or steal vast amounts of obscure things and hand them around to random people in pubs etc... sometimes she would turn up at home with things like brushes, and she'd clearly just stolen them from somewhere. It sounds absurd but you should understand it.
It took her a decade to be diagnosed, it was difficult to identify with her because she was an alcoholic, she would basically drink herself into oblivion so she didn't have to feel messed up anymore. But to anyone else she was just a useless drunk, we didn't know she was ill. I'm her own son and I didn't know (to be fair I was about 5)... then she started taking crack cocaine, spending obscene amounts of money, my dad divorced her, she lost custody of her children, was in prison etc etc...
Until one day when she was in police custody, as usual, it appears somebody kind of thought "hmmm, she seems pretty damn crazy, actually" and then she was sectioned, as I said before.
Obviously as she is such a serious case there's no choice but meds, she in on strong anti-depressants and "anti madness pills" (their real name is long so I just call them that)... lately she has been feeling a bit down and depressed, she does sometimes. But it's better than the suicide attempts of the past. I might recommend you take medication, as scary as it may seem. My mum is on a lot and she isn't as sharp as she used to be, but now the voices, and the severe depression has gone away she no longer does drugs, she can see me on a regular basis because she isn't scary to be around anymore... it just really helped her life.
Most importantly, what if you suceed with the next suicide attempt? My mum came close before, if it wasn't for me she'd be dead in fact, but you might not be that lucky in the future. I understand minor cases not needing treatment, medication is best avoided if possible, but from your short post you bear many parallels to my mum, so it really would be best for you.
Anyway good luck etc, don't let it ruin your life like it did for my mum for so long. She is fine now, her feeling down at the moment etc is nothing serious, overall her life is back on track and she is happy - so you can be like that too.
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