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Boyfriend worries

I've been going out with my bf for the last 2-3 months. I want to stay with him, I really like him, but the first problem is that we seem to have lots of ups and downs. Is that normal in a new relationship? We've had some major arguments - when it's good it's great but when it's bad it's terrible. He really upsets me, I think about ending it but I would miss him too much so I don't.

Also, when I see him I don't get 'butterflies' in my stomach or anything. I really like him, I long to see him and I love his company but I never really get that feeling. He does turn me on sexually though, we have a good sex life but I don't feel like I love him. Is it normal?

Reply 1

hotfuzz

Completely. Just wait, It'll get better.

Reply 2

ßlαcksωαn

17

Anonymous

I've been going out with my bf for the last 2-3 months. I want to stay with him, I really like him, but the first problem is that we seem to have lots of ups and downs. Is that normal in a new relationship? We've had some major arguments - when it's good it's great but when it's bad it's terrible. He really upsets me, I think about ending it but I would miss him too much so I don't.

Also, when I see him I don't get 'butterflies' in my stomach or anything. I really like him, I long to see him and I love his company but I never really get that feeling. He does turn me on sexually though, we have a good sex life but I don't feel like I love him. Is it normal?

Firstly there are no relationships where everything is always cool with no arguments. I personally think having arguments are a good thing. Even though you both get hurt in the process, it brings you two together (usually :p:

), remember that quote "without suffering there would be no compassion"! And you've been with him for a few months so maybe that initial "butterflies in the tummy" feeling has faded abit, but that's ok. And saying "I love you" may take a bit more time. Don't worry too much, it sounds like a normal relationship to me :smile:

Reply 3

graemematt

12

Took me 3 months before the "i love you" came out of my mouth...and I was hammered the first time I said it...oops. No worries about that, it'll come in time and you'll realise it when the time arrives! Just try to be sober when you say it :smile:

Reply 4

onecoolemma

2-3 months in and you're already having major arguments where he really upsets you? I would think seriously about where you think this relationship will go. Arguing all the time is no fun, and the good times don't make up for it.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Yes it is quite worrying but a couple of posters have said its normal so I don't know. I haven't had a real relationship before to compare. I am aware I can be difficult to get along with, so I'd probably have the same thing with anyone, but he has a tendancy to feel sorry for himself and blame me for his feelings which upsets me.

Reply 6

onecoolemma

I don't think that having major arguments in the first 2-3 months is normal. That is supposed to be the time when you are having fun and getting to know each other.
I'm just asking you to think about how it will be in the future. If you are arguing a lot now, what will it be like in a few months/a year?

Reply 7

herbal bug

12

you need the downs to have great ups i'm afraid...makes you appreciate them more. and i dont think theyll ever go away :frown:

it can take you ages to a mini second to fall in love. it depends on you both. it took me 2 weeks and my friend a year. so if you think your relationship is worth it. im sure it will happen.

Reply 8

onecoolemma

ayeekaz

you need the downs to have great ups i'm afraid...makes you appreciate them more. and i dont think theyll ever go away :frown:

That is simply not true. And not very encouraging for the OP either...

Reply 9

foxiroxi

10

Ups and downs are normal as long as you are having more up's then downs.

It's a new relationship, love doesn't come straight away.

Butterfly's in the stomach, have you had them when the relationship was new? I remember them going with my boyfriend when we were going though a down however when I saw him last back each kiss felt the same as our first :smile:

Reply 10

Louise88

I've never had a proper argument with my boyfriend, ever. Which everyone thinks is really strange since we have been together for a year. Every relationship is different, just because i've never argued with my boyfriend doesn't mean that everyone else hasn't.

If the arguments are causing problems in your relationship, you really need to think about where this is going.

Reply 11

Flightless

tbh i'm in agreement with onecoolemma, the early days are supposed to be the happy times or "honeymoon period" as some call it. You really need to have good foundations in place, as if there is a really bad argument your just going to ask yourself, what you are fighting for and whether it's worth the hassle.

I guess it's different for everyone, but I had and still do get butteflies every time I see my girlfriend, and the first six months it was all about enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other, then when we took things further we felt more secure in our relationship, and as the odd disagreement arose, we knew that in the end we didn't want to stay angry for long because of the happy times we've had and probably will have.

I think you probably have to ask yourself what do you want out of the relationship, if it's just sex then it seems suitable, but long term it doesn't sound stable if he's making you unhappy quite a bit in the first couple of months.

Reply 12

high priestess fnord

9

its quite normal to not be in love with a guy you have only been going out with for two months, i know that the l word only came up in my relationship at 3 months. the fact that you are allready so dependant on him and that you argue is worrying tho. i mean this is ment to be the honeymoon period of the relationship, if you dont get on now then how will it be in a years time?

just a thought but how much time do you spend together? if its a uni relationship or something where you see each other everyday maybe its just a case of too much to soon.

Reply 13

Schmokie Dragon

17

A little bit of arguing is normal; not everyone agrees all the time! And in more 'mature' relationships, the arguments can get quite nasty because you know each other better and have more to argue about.
However, you are telling us that is really upsets you and that the bad times can be terrible . . . jesus.

Sweetie, my first proper relationship was like that. We would always be bickering about this and that, and then suddenly the "good behavior" period wore off and we would have terrible fights, and I was constantly thinking "I don't love him and he really upsets me, I should leave him . . . but oh, I'll get hurt and I'll miss him if I do!". This lead to the worst two years of my life, stuck with someone I didn't love and who made life miserable for me.

If you are already worrying about the "bad times" when you have only been together 2-3 months, I'd say it isn't going to work. Relationships shouldn't have that many bad times, and if you have had more than a couple of nasty-ish tiffs in 2-3 months . . . eek.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

We do get on really well most of the time. He just gets upset/annoyed about silly things every now and then and it does my head in. I had a long talk with him yesterday and I think a lot of his problems stem from the way his ex treated him, not communicating and eventually dumping him for someone else. I think he's afraid I'll hurt him as well. This is, I think, what most of the problems stem from. We haven't had 'fights' as such, it's really just him getting upset/annoyed and me trying to figure out what's going on in his head. It's not the kind of fight where you insult each other etc.

Reply 15

Atomic Dave

8

Anonymous

We do get on really well most of the time. He just gets upset/annoyed about silly things every now and then and it does my head in. I had a long talk with him yesterday and I think a lot of his problems stem from the way his ex treated him, not communicating and eventually dumping him for someone else. I think he's afraid I'll hurt him as well. This is, I think, what most of the problems stem from. We haven't had 'fights' as such, it's really just him getting upset/annoyed and me trying to figure out what's going on in his head. It's not the kind of fight where you insult each other etc.

Ah, well I'd say then it'll probably just take a bit of time for him to sort his head out...although it annoys you I think you can do quite a bit to help out in that respect.

I think you should encourage him to try and tell you what he's thinking when he has his down moments; if you can encourage communication and at least try and understand where he's coming from in his thought process then it will help the both of you to try and tackle the issue.

Just my 2 cents.

Boyfriend worries

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