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Confused and torn up inside...men related
A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend had a very difficult patch and we alsmost broke up, and he admittd he liked we have a serious relationship (2 and half years) but he wanted us to act if it was casual without the cheating. Then the other nite i found out that he had been secretly going out with his mates without tell me on car crusies up to a notorious hill in our area (that doesnt bother me) but he had been taking a 17 year old "girl mate" with him on a few occasions. He says theres nothing in it and she is just a friend and i want to believe him but its the fact he lied that has hurt me so badly, im an emotional wreck atm, not that im showing him that, and when i talked to him about it he said its because i wouldn't understand and i would have just got mad at him. I can see his point about getting mad, so this time i have just left it and not said anyhting, but its the fact im too afraid to ask for answers thats making things worse. I wana cry so much but i don't want my family to know the situation, and also i know feel that all this is my fault because of how moody i got in the past with him, and im thinking i deserve everything i get. How should i handle this situation?
Sounds like hes looking for an excuse to start playing around. If he likes a serious relationship, then he shouldnt want to change it. Tell him you want things back to how they were and if he refuses, give him the shove.
*I'm a guy by the way and that sort of behavour annoys the hell out of me*
*I'm a guy by the way and that sort of behavour annoys the hell out of me*
But surely i have brought all this on myself by being slightly clingy...i mean i do ring him every day, and i get mad at him over silly things, ive tried to change but its not who i am, i love him, and want to be with him, but i don't like pretending im ok with everything...pretty soon im going to uni and going to be in his life even less, do you think perhaps he is preparing himself for that?
Agreed, sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. You two need to have a serious talk about what you both want.
So basically he wants a casual relationship so he can meet up with this 'girl-mate' without you having a problem with it? How long is he going to take to want to alter the 'no cheating' and start being more than friends with this girl?
Hes probably just having a 'two year' itch where hes not sure what he wants to do. Give him the freedom to meet up with his friends, i dont see why him going on cruises would be a problem. Its only a way of socialising with his mates - why would be lie to you about going? The taking the 17 year old girl is another matter, if they're just friends then you have to trust him in that but i'd be suspicious that there was more than just friends between them.
Hes probably just having a 'two year' itch where hes not sure what he wants to do. Give him the freedom to meet up with his friends, i dont see why him going on cruises would be a problem. Its only a way of socialising with his mates - why would be lie to you about going? The taking the 17 year old girl is another matter, if they're just friends then you have to trust him in that but i'd be suspicious that there was more than just friends between them.
Pink_Diamond
But surely i have brought all this on myself by being slightly clingy...i mean i do ring him every day, and i get mad at him over silly things, ive tried to change but its not who i am, i love him, and want to be with him, but i don't like pretending im ok with everything...pretty soon im going to uni and going to be in his life even less, do you think perhaps he is preparing himself for that?
If you have been clingy and getting upset over him having a social life then yes you will drive him away. If there is no trust in the relationship it cannot survive and if you are like this now I cannot see you two surviving at University.
No its not the social life im clingy about, its the fact he doens't include me in his life, he has gone from wanting to see me all the time to just or 2 days a week. The thing is if he was honest with me i wouldn't have a problem, its the fact he is so secretive about everything...even his phone has several pin codes on it, and one just as a screensaver, yet he blatantly goes through my phone, made me show him my faceparty but wouldn't show me his, and his my space account says single....I want the chance to trust him but he won't give me that chance
Well in every relationship people need space, it goes like that some times you don't wanna see each other a while, other days you can't get enough of each other.
WHat he's doing is wrong though the way he's being secreative but yet he goes through your stuff, just a bit hypercritical on his part.
I would confront him tell him how you feel and even consider ditching him for someone who will actually appreciate you.
WHat he's doing is wrong though the way he's being secreative but yet he goes through your stuff, just a bit hypercritical on his part.
I would confront him tell him how you feel and even consider ditching him for someone who will actually appreciate you.
Also to point out this 17year odl has a boyfriend, but he doesn't know my boyfriend, and i don't know if he knows what she does. Should i make friends with this girl? she goes to my college, or my boyfriend see that as checking up? im just wanting to get to know her to rule her out as a threat, as i know they used to spend alot of time together when they were at school and things, and when we 1st got together she still used to go to his house...thats before his parents knew i existed (6months in)
this may sound really stupid but i don't want to ditch him as im afraid i won't find anyone who looks after me like he does...you see i have a heart condition and im classed as disabled, now im not being funny but i get ill alot and tired easily, and he is always there for me and understands my illness, but these days lads don't want that kind of hassle do they? i mean who wants a broken girlfriend when they can find a perfectly healhty one
Pink_Diamond
this may sound really stupid but i don't want to ditch him as im afraid i won't find anyone who looks after me like he does...you see i have a heart condition and im classed as disabled, now im not being funny but i get ill alot and tired easily, and he is always there for me and understands my illness, but these days lads don't want that kind of hassle do they? i mean who wants a broken girlfriend when they can find a perfectly healhty one
Find me a "perfectly healthy girlfreind" and that would be some find.
Ur not broken, everyone has something wrong with them at one stage of their life.
You make it seem like guys shop for girlfreinds, trying to get the best deal.
Not all men are the same you know, my fiance had cancer --- a guy worth being with is someone who wants to be with YOU not someone with the best health.
You seem afraid to break up with him because of your health, but your emotional health is just as important, and that is suffering too. Tell him how you feel, and if he loves you he will listen.
If he doesn't then you know what you ought to do
Well i have text him and told him i think we need to have a proper talk aout things tmorrow night (im on a girls night out 2nite..he not happy) i said so we can sort things out for good, then his reply came...what things? whats wrong?
Its like a brick wall
Its like a brick wall
I haven't read all of the other posts so if I ask you something that someone else has or repeated something, i'm sorry....
It seems very unusual that your boyfriend wants to go back to having a, what seems to be a casual relationship. You two have been together for a very long time and what he says worries me slightly. When someone suggests something like this, it doesn't sound that the relationship is going to last but maybe the pressure of a very serious, very long term relationship is getting to him. You need to sit down and speak to him about the situation and talk things through. I know asking questions is going to be difficult but you deserve to know the answers, you need to know the truth.
If you aren't happy with going back to having a casual relationship then it's best that you end the whole thing because you don't deserve to be unhappy. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, someone who treats you right and someone who only has eyes for you. From what your boyfriend said, I doubt he is the one for you because all he is doing is hurting you. It's difficult letting go of a long term relationship, i've done it myself but if it isn't working for you then it's something you have to do. You will get through it and you will find someone else. These things will just take time.
Speak to your boyfriend, ask the questions that you don't want to ask because you deserve to know the truth. I hope you're ok...
It seems very unusual that your boyfriend wants to go back to having a, what seems to be a casual relationship. You two have been together for a very long time and what he says worries me slightly. When someone suggests something like this, it doesn't sound that the relationship is going to last but maybe the pressure of a very serious, very long term relationship is getting to him. You need to sit down and speak to him about the situation and talk things through. I know asking questions is going to be difficult but you deserve to know the answers, you need to know the truth.
If you aren't happy with going back to having a casual relationship then it's best that you end the whole thing because you don't deserve to be unhappy. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, someone who treats you right and someone who only has eyes for you. From what your boyfriend said, I doubt he is the one for you because all he is doing is hurting you. It's difficult letting go of a long term relationship, i've done it myself but if it isn't working for you then it's something you have to do. You will get through it and you will find someone else. These things will just take time.
Speak to your boyfriend, ask the questions that you don't want to ask because you deserve to know the truth. I hope you're ok...
Well we have had a big long talk and everything has been sorte, we have discussed the lot, from the past, to me going away to uni...our prolbem is we don't communicate that well with each other so if we try harder with that hopefully from now on no more secrets and i give him a bit more space
maybe be ask him what he would of done if he found out you been taking a 'guy mate' around, and how he would act if he was in this situation to make him understand how hurt u are about the lieing
yea we discussed everything....to be fair he hates one of my guy m8s so sometimes i dont tell him wen im going for lunch with him, but he has actually met this guy and spoke to him so should realise he is no threat as he as gay as the winter is cold, whereas i never met this girl before. Not the same thing i realise. But anyway its all sorted now, and aslong as we both make an effort there shouldn't be a problem
How can you give him more space, your see him twice a week!
He really is (like someones already said) having his cake and eating it. Sure you've talked but has he justified having the audacity to look through your myspace and faceparty yet not letting you look through his, still having his status to single after 2 1/2 years?
Don't become insecure because of your disability! Your not broken and likes someones already said no-ones perfect!
He seems to have lots of double standards. !!
He really is (like someones already said) having his cake and eating it. Sure you've talked but has he justified having the audacity to look through your myspace and faceparty yet not letting you look through his, still having his status to single after 2 1/2 years?
Don't become insecure because of your disability! Your not broken and likes someones already said no-ones perfect!
He seems to have lots of double standards. !!
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