No social life. Insecure. Ugly.

I'm 16, male, in my first year of college, have only two 'friends' and spend my weekends alone. Sad right? I just feel disabled by my insecurities, I feel so ugly and am constantly looking in mirrors checking my apperance and usually getting depressed about what i see staring back at me. Basically I want to turn my life around. I don't want to feel ugly, I want to 'get' a social life. Just people I can hang out with at the weekends so I don't feel soo lonely. Advice appreciated. :smile:

Reply 1

Square

13

Go out and introduce yourself to people, you should be able to make friends with people you share classes with etc.

If you see them out just go up to them and ask them a generic question about the class like: "I missed the last lesson, did we get any big homework assignments?" and then move onto more sociable conversation. Ask if they have any plans for the weekend/that evening and ask if you can come along. If they say no then they are clearly not worth your time.

Reply 2

UnspokenTruth

Malcolm Kane

Ask if they have any plans for the weekend/that evening and ask if you can come along. If they say no then they are clearly not worth your time.

That's a bit harsh isn't it, maybe they are going to a sold out concert, maybe they are going to a funeral or perhaps they don't want to go somewhere with someone they don't really know

Reply 3

SFC_FOREVER!

1

Go out, get rat-assed, make a fool of yourself, everyone will think you are funny.

Bingo.

Reply 4

supernova2

11

Go to the gym lots, buy new clothes, get a new haircut = improved confidence = more friends???

maybe anyway

Reply 5

Sticky

Sometimes you've got to be hard on yourself (or have people be hard on you) for there to be real change. Comfort and support are good when we are going through a hard time and need to get through it but aren't what induce change. Give yourself a big kick up the arse.
Next time you feel like joining a conversation but are too self-conscious, tell yourself "**** this. I want to see change so I'm going to do something I wouldn't usually do". If the result isn't what you like, then so what. The fact is, if you're too self-conscious to do something, you have to recognise that to you, worrying what people think about you, is more important than having a social life.
As for confidence, that's always a tricky one. Just remember that you won't get more confident by fixing all the little things you're insecure about, as you have to recongise that they're not the reasons behind your lack of confidence. Try to sort them out but don't depend on them too much.

Reply 6

unknown demon

15

sit next to a different person in class everyday, ask their name, ask questions 99% of people are nice, you get the awkward ****tards who make things difficult. Its college, people will want to know you as long as you make an effort.

Reply 7

unknown demon

15

sit next to a different person in class everyday, ask their name, ask questions 99% of people are nice, you get the awkward ****tards who make things difficult. Its college, people will want to know you as long as you make an effort.

Reply 8

totalfussball

OP

SFC_FOREVER!

Go out, get rat-assed, make a fool of yourself, everyone will think you are funny.

Bingo.

Haha yeah. But I don't even have anyone to go out and get pissed with, my friends arn't like that. I want to start going to partys and stuff going out more often. The thing about randomanly introducing myself to people is it's harder than it looks; people are already settled I sit with a the same people and if I moved from them the'd think I was rejecting them.

Reply 9

Sticky

unknown demon

sit next to a different person in class everyday, ask their name, ask questions 99% of people are nice, you get the awkward ****tards who make things difficult. Its college, people will want to know you as long as you make an effort.

That reminds me of the advice Dan Akroyd's character gives to his son Jason Bigg (guy from American Pie) in the film Loser
"Remember: interested is interesting!"

Not that I think the advice is that great :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Sticky

totalfussball

Haha yeah. But I don't even have anyone to go out and get pissed with, my friends arn't like that. I want to start going to partys and stuff going out more often. The thing about randomanly introducing myself to people is it's harder than it looks; people are already settled I sit with a the same people and if I moved from them the'd think I was rejecting them.

Can you explain what you're conscious about? in the looks department... just to put it all in perspective...

Reply 11

totalfussball

OP

Sticky

Can you explain what you're conscious about? in the looks department... just to put it all in perspective...

Well I think my nose is too wide lol gets me all depressed, especially when I stand under lights because it makes it seem massive and makes me really self consciouse(sp). The thing is my house is 5 minutes from college, so during free periods I'll tend to go home. MY timetables really different from my friends aswell so we rarely catch each other. In two of my lessons I sit with this same guy and we get along fine, I used to hang around the people he does now but had a massive falling out with one fo them so I can't really hang out with him. In english the guy I sit with is one of my only other two friends and in my other subject the person I sit with is basically a ****** The problem with the last lesson is everyones already in there little groups it'd be wierd if I suddenly moved.

Reply 12

denzil

1

I think I can empathise with you.

Through middle school I was in a similar situation.

But, in upper school I just learnt that I have to make myself happy. And I really tried to be socialable. You just don't start talking loads to people, say hi in the morning, then it will eventually build up to socialising.

I really know it's easier said than done, but sometimes we've really got to work hard for these so-called simple skills.

I hope this helps you.

Reply 13

Sticky

totalfussball

Well I think my nose is too wide lol gets me all depressed. The thing is my house is 5 minutes from college, so during free periods I'll tend to go home. MY timetables really different from my friends aswell so we rarely catch each other. In two of my lessons I sit with this same guy and we get along fine, I used to hang around the people he does now but had a massive falling out with one fo them so I can't really hang out with him. In english the guy I sit with is one of my only other two friends and in my other subject the person I sit with is basically a ****** The problem with the last lesson is everyones already in there little groups it'd be wierd if I suddenly moved.

You have hangups because of your nose? Even if I'd accept that it might be ugly or whatever, you're a guy for heaven's sake! Look around you at the number of ugly people with ****ed up faces who think they're god's gift to the opposite sex and they have loads of mates. That part of it, is all in your head.

Groups can be hard to deal with. I know that I always had a problem with group interactions. Do you want to be part of a group though? Who says you have to. You could always get chummy with the people you genuinely like and not have to join the group or more likely, that will come naturally. Try that: become friends with a couple of people in a group by being friendly, just a bit of chatting, nothing weird like "Can I buy you a coffee" or "do you want to come see my collection of Star Trek figures" is required.

Reply 14

Sausage

10

UnspokenTruth

That's a bit harsh isn't it, maybe they are going to a sold out concert, maybe they are going to a funeral or perhaps they don't want to go somewhere with someone they don't really know

being abit pedantic there, dont you think?

He means if they blatantly have plans to do sociable things and they down right say no then they arent worth the OPs time.

Reply 15

thegrassisgreenerontheotherside

13

heya
introduce yourself to people at school, church or any place that you go to and just make friends in general ~ im sure if you are willing to ask around, you'll have a stream of friends wanting to go out with you in due course! but this can only happen after a trust between friends in built ~
hope you have fun finding friends and be able to see the latest films with them!

Reply 16

Riddy

JMG

I suppose (to OP's last post, damn you lot for posting all at the same time), how come you don't hang round with the people you sit with?

Also do try to be a bit more confident and outgoing (easier said than done, I know) - Without wanting to sound unecessarily harsh, if you're shy and never speak you can't be adding much to a group and I couldn't personally see people falling over to hang out with you.

If you try it and they act like a dick, that's their problem, not yours. Or just ask them if they want to do something quite generic, like go to Tesco's (or w/e) after the lesson because you need...lemons, or something.

A good one is also straight to the point. Next time you see them in the Library or w/e, just go up to them and say something like 'you alright mate, you do *insert subject here*, don't you? I just realise I've barely spoken to you and were in the same class! Whats your name blah blah.

^^ That will probably make you a lot of new mates as it gives off the impression you are quite an outgoing, friendly person (maybe not in lessons, but you can argue you work hard in lessons etc.) which is pretty much always a good thing.

You'll just regret it if you don't try anything.

Some good ideas!! Thanks

Reply 17

totalfussball

OP

Thanks I really appreciate all this advice, alot of it's really good. :biggrin:

No social life. Insecure. Ugly.

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