Confused

Hey, heres my problem.

I met someone online a few weeks back n earlier this week we both admitted that we liked each other and we were really flirty after this for a few days and they were really chatty. But in the past two days, most of the time they speak to me is when they are replying to a question ive asked and the flirting has stopped completely :frown:

I asked them if i did anything wrong n they said i hadnt and it was due to school work that they hadnt spoken much. Surely this wouldnt stop the way they talk to me and stop the flirting completely. We've arranged to meet, but now i get the feeling they dont actually want to meet up any more and that they will either cancel or only be going because they dont want to be mean ;/

Im so confused, one day i feel like they want me and the next i feel they've got bored ;/

Reply 1

wackysparkle

14

maybe the fact that its online is kinda getting them worried? is it a girl that you are talking to?

Reply 2

shavenwookiee

6

Yea, like, I'd bet 99% you're a guy.

Chances are you came on too strong. They've lost interest in you now. Hopefully however, you wont become obsessed with them and turn into a stalker like charictor. Happens more than you'd think!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

ya im a guy, originally we were going to meet today n she got worried so i told her i didnt mind waiting longer because i didnt want her to feel under any pressure to do anything she didnt want to so we decided to wait until easter to meet.

The thing is, after we had this chat she said she felt closer to me more than ever we started speaking more than before ;/

I have no intention of becoming a stalker lol, if she doesnt want to meet its fine with me, i just dont want her to be nice to me because she feels she has to.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

shavenwookiee

Chances are you came on too strong. They've lost interest in you now.

Thats what i thought the problem was :frown:

maybe ive ruined a friendship before it started ;/

Reply 5

shavenwookiee

6

To be honest buddy you're just being way too nice. Its siffleing for a girl. Its okay for her to feel under a bit of pressure if its with regards to meeting up on a date, that way she can get a feel for the person you are. t3h internet is a rubbish place to try and forge any kind of relationship.

Try to contact her as little as possible. Leave her in suspence. If she keeps getting back to you, maybe suggest a another date to meet. If she backs out again, stop bothering with her.

Reply 6

shavenwookiee

6

Anonymous

Thats what i thought the problem was :frown:

maybe ive ruined a friendship before it started ;/

Cant worry about stuff like that. If you screw up, its a GOOD thing, because you can analise what went wrong and try to make sure it doesnt happen next time.

Learn from your mistakes and all that.

Reply 7

wackysparkle

14

hmm - well since it is an internet situation - i would say that she may just be one of those people who have grown up hearing about all those incidences that have happened when you meet a guy on the net and then meet in real life ---- i mean, even i am a bit paranoid bout it

i would say that you should just be you - rather than changing - explain to her and reassure her that you are not some weirdo i guess - but thing is - she needs to decided whther she wants to meet you or not - and if she doesn't fair enough - let her be ready first
as for the friendship - i dont see how you could have ruined it as both of you like one another and that was bound to come out sooner or later - i imagine both of you couldn't suppress it for ever

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

shavenwookiee

Cant worry about stuff like that. If you screw up, its a GOOD thing, because you can analise what went wrong and try to make sure it doesnt happen next time.

Learn from your mistakes and all that.

so i shouldnt try to be as nice? :s-smilie:

gah this is confusing lol

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

wackysparkle

hmm - well since it is an internet situation - i would say that she may just be one of those people who have grown up hearing about all those incidences that have happened when you meet a guy on the net and then meet in real life ---- i mean, even i am a bit paranoid bout it

i would say that you should just be you - rather than changing - explain to her and reassure her that you are not some weirdo i guess - but thing is - she needs to decided whther she wants to meet you or not - and if she doesn't fair enough - let her be ready first
as for the friendship - i dont see how you could have ruined it as both of you like one another and that was bound to come out sooner or later - i imagine both of you couldn't suppress it for ever

Are there any other ways of reassuring her in not a wierdo, cos if i tell her to much she'll probably think i am ;/

Reply 10

jbcubed3

1

You need to perhaps take a step back and be a little less pushy/excited/over-friendly perhaps as she perhaps may think there's some alterior motive or something. Speak to her, and say that you're sorry if you came on too strongly, and that you didn't want to freak her out. Be honest, give it some time, and perhaps ask her out again sometime soon.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Hey, heres my problem.

I met someone online a few weeks back n earlier this week we both admitted that we liked each other and we were really flirty after this for a few days and they were really chatty. But in the past two days, most of the time they speak to me is when they are replying to a question ive asked and the flirting has stopped completely :frown:

I asked them if i did anything wrong n they said i hadnt and it was due to school work that they hadnt spoken much. Surely this wouldnt stop the way they talk to me and stop the flirting completely. We've arranged to meet, but now i get the feeling they dont actually want to meet up any more and that they will either cancel or only be going because they dont want to be mean ;/

Im so confused, one day i feel like they want me and the next i feel they've got bored ;/

Ignore her, tell her about some girl you fancy, when she asks to meet up tell her you can't do anytime that soon... but that you might get back to her. Make her initiate the next half dozen conversations.

If she ignores you back then tough luck... but at least you won't look like quite so much of a sucker.

It's bad enough being OTT in person, but over the internet is even worse.

Reply 12

shavenwookiee

6

Anonymous

so i shouldnt try to be as nice? :s-smilie:

gah this is confusing lol

Yea, basically... Just try your best to put yourself in the other persons position. Imagen if some girl, who you werent 100% sure you liked was constantly nice to you, and it was pretty obvious they were a safe bet. You'd stop worrying about potentially losing the chance to get with them, and along with that, probably lose interest in them too.

Being *too* nice to someone isnt a good thing. 'Nice guys always finish last'... Tis very often true unfortuantly.

How many times have you heard a girl say 'He's lovely, I just dont really find him attractive'. :rolleyes:

Reply 13

shavenwookiee

6

Anonymous

Ignore her, tell her about some girl you fancy, when she asks to meet up tell her you can't do anytime that soon... but that you might get back to her. Make her initiate the next half dozen conversations.

If she ignores you back then tough luck... but at least you won't look like quite so much of a sucker.

It's bad enough being OTT in person, but over the internet is even worse.

Yea, this is fairly good advise, although a bit too far. She'll probably see through it and that's really bad news if she thinks you have to make stuff up. Also, completely ignoring her gives out the wrong singals. Infrequent, sporadic contact is the way foward.

Best thing to do is to genuinely go and try and initiate things with other girls! That way, you have much better odds of hitting it off with someone.

Reply 14

Profesh

20

You're showing her far too much deference, already. You've never had a girlfriend before, I take it?

Reply 15

shavenwookiee

6

Profesh, I didnt know what Deference ment, so I looked it up:

Deference denotes the extent to which a court respects the authority or validity of a government act or decision during the process of judicial review. If the court exhibits less deference, this may contribute to a finding that the government acted ultra vires, or beyond its power.

lol, I cant say the definition helped me understand what you mean.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Profesh

You're showing her far too much deference, already. You've never had a girlfriend before, I take it?

yup :/

Confused

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