just a phase or for real?

i don't know why it's hit me now, (i'm nearly 22) but i think i might be gay. whenever i read or hear about other people's coming out stories however it seems like it's something they've always known. this isn't really the case for me. i mean, i've fantasised when i was younger about the opposite sex, but i haven't really found any real satisfaction in my experiences. i've always had crushes on famous members of the same sex, but i always thought it was just admiration, and i remember wondering a few times if it was sexual, but i thought at the time it wasn't.

my question is, are phases like this common? i mean, right now i have a little voice inside me saying - 'yep-you're gay' - but why have i never had this before? i never had a belief i was gay before, i've perhaps always been slightly curious but never thought i was gay. what's the deal here? can anyone else relate to this? i've never identified before as gay, i just always thought it was a case of never meeting the right person (of the opposite sex)....

Reply 1

Ink

It sounds like you might be, but none of us can tell you whether you are or are not.

You mention that you've been trying to make something happen with people of the opposite sex in the meantime. Do you think you might be bi, or have you never had any actual crushes on people of the opposite sex?

I don't really know what to compare it to, but from a lot of stories I've heard, it seems like people *don't* always know it. Hell, people can go for years - get married, have kids, etc...before they admit it to themselves. It's only once they start to consider the possibility that they realize they sort of always knew (like you with the celebrity crushes and fantasies).

Like I said, I can't tell you whether or not you are gay, but why don't you experiment a bit? Open yourself up to the idea that you might be. Go out, look around. Are you more attracted to the men or the women you see? When you erm...fantasize sexually, or look at sexual material, is it the women or the men that you focus on? Do you get off more when you imagine sexual situations with women or men? Lastly, and this might be harder to get to, you might want to experiment with actually doing physical things with people of the same sex and see how it feels to you. Personally, I doubt it would feel right for me unless I had feelings for them, but everyone is different. You might have to wait around until you develop a crush on someone, or you might not.

While you try to figure this out though, don't limit yourself. You don't have to figure out by tomorrow whether you are gay, straight, bi, or asexual. Just go with the flow. If you find yourself developing a crush on someone, go with it. It'll all become clear eventually :smile:

Reply 2

James

Sexuality is a continuum. Many people classify themselves as 'straight' or 'gay', but it's really not as simple as that and you should feel no pressure to label yourself at all.

Reply 3

fleur de lis

James Gurung

Sexuality is a continuum. Many people classify themselves as 'straight' or 'gay', but it's really not as simple as that and you should feel no pressure to label yourself at all.

I totally agree :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

hey thanks for the advice.

i guess it's just come a shock, because i had considered this in the past, but always come up with a no, because at the time the crushes on famous people were more emotional, they weren't sexual.

i just wanted to know if there is anyone who previously thought they were gay, but then discovered they were actually straight/bi? people say sexuality is fluid, but it really only seems to be applied to straight people who want to try homosexual expriences. is sexuality really that fluid, can people really go through phases where they're certain one way and different the next?

i'm sorry, i didn't intentionally mean to *bump* the thread but i didn't want to start a new one. :redface:

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