Friendship ''leeching'' and branching out

I'm a 1st year,and when I moved into halls I met this girl by chance and we became pretty much inseperable. We both enjoy the same things/doing the same things, same sense of humour, etc. Basically, we really clicked. I met other people in halls, and also from my course. She didn't however. So gradually, I introduced her (because we were always together) to all these people, and they've now become really good friends of us both.

She's pretty lazy and often makes us both late for things/doesnt turn up because she oversleeps or whatever. She seems to have this idea of herself as a really intelligent, wild, random, sweet, craaaaazy person, and plays on acting 'naive' to get what she wants. I think she frequently usespeople, probably myself included and I just haven't noticed. The problem is, I DO enjoy her company,and I'm so ''involved'' with her now, I don't know how to see other people without her tagging along. I also was wondering if the 'freindship theft' I mentioned earlier was just irrational of me? I can't help but sometimes think when we're all out together ''yeah, but when am I going to meet someone new through YOU?''

Any thoughts/similar experiences??

Reply 1

username47781

20

I would just enjoy being friends with her, sounds like you two are having fun.

Reply 2

Tag

8

It's important to share in relationships, but i know how hard it is to babysit somebody. I think maybe she has insecurity issues. Does she make herself late to make herself feel important? is she too shy to make her own friends? maybe she relies on the cute sweet thingbecause that's all she feels comfortable with being. talk to her about it. if she is more than 20 mins late, leave, and continue to do so until she bothers to turn up on time. she'll soon learn to be more respectful and value you more. She sounds genuinely into you, just maybe that she needs to grow up a bit.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your replies! She's not shy at all - shes not very confident about her appearance though, maybe that could be some of it. She's a good friend and I really do love her, hence why I want to find a way of dealing with this that doesn't compromise our friendship! I think she has spoiled youngest sibling syndrome (she's never worked, and always gets money thrown at her by her parents, although she looks down on ''rich kids''). Do you think it's a good idea for me to maybe just join some socs at uni and have friends outside our friendship? But how do I say I want to go to these things on my own?? I'd just like somegood friends outside of ''us''.

Reply 4

sssh

10

I was so worried from the first post that you were one of my friends! I have a very close male friend at uni (well, I don't know whether you're male or female) and I don't want him to get sick of me, but when you said that you'd introduced her to lots of people I realised that you're probably not my friend, because luckily we have other groups of friends outside our friendship. Phew!

Try hanging out with the people from your course more, or joining a society...without telling her. I don't know, it seems kind of mean, but if she really does want to hang out with you all the time then if you want to branch out, you might have to not tell her a few things. It's the only thing I can really think of... Though that could be hard, and it does seem a bit unnecessary. Are you living with her next year? That might change things if you're not.

Reply 5

ro-ro

10

I knew someone like that, she took over everything and in the end we had a HUGE row she got off with my boyfriend and I don't speak to her anymore. That probably isn't going to happen here!
I'd just explain nicely that you can't be assed with her being late and point out incidents of using then tell her to wise up her act or hit the road. That should do the treat nicely!

Incidentally do you go to Bristol uni?

Reply 6

bisous

I don't think you're being irrational, I get very territorial over friends and hate it when they become friends with one another and possibly get along with each other better than I do with them. I know it's quite silly and childish, but it's just how I am over these things.

Reply 7

Saffie

11

I think you have a right to be mildly annoyed, but that's it.

You can always go and join some societies and make new friends on your own. And then even if she talks to them because of you, they'll still be more friends with you. It's like you're making it a competition, who has the most friends etc..

Reply 8

khil

15

Anonymous

I'm a 1st year,and when I moved into halls I met this girl by chance and we became pretty much inseperable. We both enjoy the same things/doing the same things, same sense of humour, etc. Basically, we really clicked. I met other people in halls, and also from my course. She didn't however. So gradually, I introduced her (because we were always together) to all these people, and they've now become really good friends of us both.

She's pretty lazy and often makes us both late for things/doesnt turn up because she oversleeps or whatever. She seems to have this idea of herself as a really intelligent, wild, random, sweet, craaaaazy person, and plays on acting 'naive' to get what she wants. I think she frequently usespeople, probably myself included and I just haven't noticed. The problem is, I DO enjoy her company,and I'm so ''involved'' with her now, I don't know how to see other people without her tagging along. I also was wondering if the 'freindship theft' I mentioned earlier was just irrational of me? I can't help but sometimes think when we're all out together ''yeah, but when am I going to meet someone new through YOU?''

Any thoughts/similar experiences??

I don't understand what your problem is...? Sorry! Ok, so you feel used because she has a way of getting things to go her way. Valid problem, but you probably can't do much about that unless you talked to her and maybe tell her that you mind that.

As for friendship theft... sorry but that sounds like you're a 14-year-old. What on earth are you on about? By the sounds of things, you introduced her to your friendship group, now you're all friends altogether. So what's the problem? Your friends are allowed to have other friends too - they're not yours to "steal from". Yes I went through a paranoia phase where I thought everyone was stealing my best friend when I was 16 and actually got suicidal over it - and let's just say the logic I've just given up with regards to "friendship theft" certainly makes sense and helped me out of it. I look back and wonder at how much more stupid and emo could I possibly have been lol. You did not introduce her to your friends so that she can pay you back and introduce you to other people.

I hate it when someone does something for me when I didn't ask them to and then actually expect me to "pay them back" :mad:

Sure, if I'd asked for the help, then sure, paying them back would be normal - but I didn't ask for the help, you chose to help me, then have the guts to tell me that I owe you? If you didn't wanna help out of the generosity of your heart, don't help. Btw I'm referring to a general "you" - not you personally. This is a personal rant, not directed at you :smile:

Talk to her if you're unhappy and by all means join socs and make more friends outside of your group. Meeting people is always good :smile:

But get the notion of friendship theft out of your head. Your friends are entitled to be friends with anyone they so choose - they're not yours to be "stolen from".

Reply 9

khil

15

moniker

I don't think you're being irrational, I get very territorial over friends and hate it when they become friends with one another and possibly get along with each other better than I do with them. I know it's quite silly and childish, but it's just how I am over these things.

My dear, that IS irrational and very unhealthy and possible show either a jealousy problem or an insecurity problem. Not to offend you, but excusing oneself with "that's just how I am" is not realistic - you'll either end up getting very hurt over nothing or you'll end up being too possessive which would push your friends away.

I've just come to terms with it by now - I've settled for a "Hey, they click better, they get on better with each other - that's just how things is."

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Hey everyone thanks for your replies - I think it definitely seems like I'm being irrational about this. :tongue:

I didn't want to turn it into a ''friendship'' competition, I felt more like why should I have to do social networking for the benefit of both of us, just because she's too lazy (and having spoken to her about it briefly today, it appears it is just out of laziness) to do so herself?

But I spose I shouldnt really get as annoyed as I am at the moment. Its been interesting to read your replies!

Friendship ''leeching'' and branching out

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